She Is A Hurricane

June 29, 2017
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She is like one of the girls in a John Green book. Different. Spontaneous. Intriguing. She is most certainly a character.

We were heading down back roads. She always gets a little nauseous riding down the windy curves of the pavement. Music blaring and windows rowed down. Her wavy blonde hair tangles from the wind. Her blue eyes close. They close so tight she can she some yellow dots from the sun beaming down on the windshield. Peace.

She always had this thing with flying. No, not in a plane-it was more like dying. Jumping. Oh, how she wants to escape. Her eyes open wide, viewing the yellow flowers just starting to spurt up in the spring air.

"Stop. Stop the car." She commands as she unbuckles her seatbelt and walks over to the grass.

She hands you flowers. Although, she feels guilty for picking them. The flower was still growing. Wondering, did she end its suffering? The constant struggle of trying to stand? Or, did she make it worse? Maybe, it was ready to bloom.

One hand out the window. The other was touching your thigh. She was craving the chaos. She was craving the screams of the atmosphere, so she sticks both hands out the window, including her head. Oh, how the tangled mess of her hair was like a hurricane. Or, maybe it was more than just her hair being a tangled hurricane. Maybe, it's who she is.

Not the kind of mess that spins around, uncontrollably leaving everything it touches to ruins. The kind of storm that twirls through damage and still has power to keep revolving.

She is a storm, and god, how grateful I am that she is something as strong as a hurricane.

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RobotPenn. said...
Jul. 2 at 3:26 am
I liked the first line, it was funny. Made me stop and read the whole thing. Interesting concept. Short and sweet, which is nice. I'd love if you refined the perspectives a bit. You switch from first, second, and third person throughout the story. It's a bit unclear who's eyes we're viewing this girl from. Her own? Yours? Mine? If you defined just who is telling this story, it will make her thoughts (interesting btw. I liked the musing over the flowers) a fit a bit more cleanly into the story. ... (more »)
AlleeRProctorThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Jul. 3 at 6:59 pm
Thank you so much for your feedback. I appreciate it immensely and I would love for you to read some more of my work. I never really thought about those questions while writing this, I sorta just wrote. Thank you again for commenting. I hope to hear from you again sometime.
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