I was full of fear, stress, and anxiety. As I began to walk in the school doors, my mind was racing and fright was dwelling into my veins. I recalled my voice cracking and my eyes watering while everyone is looking and probably judging. There was unimaginable embarrassment I had to face, with major consequences afterward, not only with my peers, but with my future. The overwhelming stress that was written all over my face and had torn my 14 year old body into crumbles. Remembering the past completely destroyed my future chances. All I had wanted was to erase that embarrassing moment from my memory, and erase it from everyone who witnessed it too. I wanted to start fresh without those painful moments flashing towards me whenever I got the courage to stand up in a crowd of people, open my lips, and recite the words I had be studying for the past week. I would go on mile long runs and play my music as loud as it could go to release the stress that was weighing me down. I was constantly over thinking the scenario and and potential outcomes that could have occurred. I could never get that mindset of just ‘not caring’ what people think. My sister would always tell me, “pretend like you're talking to a wall, who cares if you mess up, don't dwell on your mistakes.” I always tried to replay this advice because for some reason it reduced my racing heart beat and cooled my veins. My sister is one of the most intelligent people I know, so whatever she says seems to soak in my brain and stay there forever. Much faster than I expected, the moment came. It was time for me to express my knowledge to my teacher and my intimidating class. “Lilly and Kaitlyn you're up.” This was my moment. I tried to put on a confident smile to mask the terror that I was feeling. I tried to force my brain to think about the positive and erase all of my bad memories. I took a moment to recognize that I had worked constantly for 5 hours on this project, I deserved to do well. All I had to do was try my hardest and trust my preparation. As I slowly pulled the rubric away from my teachers hand, I squinted so I could just barely see my grade. As I released my eyelid, I was amazed with the results that were given back. There was no reason for me to be stressed after all. From now on, I encourage myself and students around me to become more of an open minded individual and stop worrying about the little things.
Presenting with Poise
June 12, 2017