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Nothing to Fear
In 5 minutes I will walk on stage and show everyone what I have been working on for months. Just the thought of being on stage in front of the whole school makes me tremble with anxiety. I always have loved the school musicals and watching them, but I could never get enough courage to actually try out. This year I am a senior so, I decided that I should face my fears and try out for the musical.
I figured I would get a small role and gradually face my fears, but instead I ended up getting the lead role. I don't know how it happened. I haven’t ever had acting or singing lessons, but here I am about to go on stage and lead the musical. I am terrified. My face is dripping with sweat and my hands are trembling. How am I going to go on stage and perform? Thoughts of everything that could possibly go wrong whirl around in my head.
When I found out that I had the lead role I about puked. I knew all the attention would be on me and I could not bare the thought of that. I immediately ran to the director to ask if it was a mistake. She had told that it wasn't a mistake and that I was really good. All I could think about was singing and acting in front of the whole school, so I brushed off the compliment and asked her how I could get out of it. I told her how I had just wanted a small role, and how the stage was my biggest fear. She told me that her decision was final and that she would help me with my fear.
Then she said, “Everyone has to face their fears at one point”.
So for the past 3 months I have spent all of my spare time on the stage, learning how to act and trying to memorize my lines. It was really stressful, but I successfully memorized all of my lines and songs. Now I am standing in the dressing room in front of the mirror and I can't remember a single line. How was I going to do this? Everyone is counting on me and I can't go on stage just to forget all of my lines. That would be so embarrassing for me and all of the drama club. I would be the new girl who came in and ruined everything. I didn't want to always be remembered as the girl who ruined everything.
I ran up to the drama teacher Mrs. Smith, who I have become really close with over the last 3 months.
“I can't perform, I’m going to be sick”, I said with my anxiety seeping into my voice.
She grabbed me by my shoulders, looked me in the eye and said, “You can do this. Just pretend it's practice”.
I felt like I was going to be sick, or maybe even pass out. The anxiety surrounded me, and made me feel like I was in the middle of an ocean. I had to do this though. I couldn't let everyone down. There was only 1 minute until show time and I had to figure out how to do this. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. I kept taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. It seemed to do
nothing, so I started rehearsing my lines and running through the show in my head. I can do this ran through my head until I could barely recognize the words.
The crowd cheered and we all bowed. The show was amazing. It sped by in a blur. I ended up forgetting a few of my lines but I quickly improvised and made it even better than the script. Everyone is cheering for me and the smile on my face is bigger than ever before. I am so happy that I took this risk, but I do regret not doing it earlier. All of my worrying got to me and held me back. It would have been nice if I did this earlier, but I am glad that I did it before it was too late. There was really nothing to fear.