“Ever thought life isn’t worth living? Like life is pointless and has no meaning.” She constantly thought these things while she presses the cold, metal razor against her forearms.  Warm blood running down across her arms and hands.  It was her way to numb her pain.  Wishing she could just take it all away, permanently.  Avery had hundreds if not thousands of scars on her body, completely littered.  Starting from her shoulders down to her legs.  Avery was alone, completely and utterly alone.  She had only one friend, that being her boyfriend, Lincoln.  Lincoln and her parents were the only ones who knew about everything.  Lincoln only found out because her sleeve from her shirt slipped down and he confronted her about it.

“Please stop, please Avery, I’m begging you!” Cried Lincoln when he saw even more marks the next day.
“I’m trying! I just don’t know how,” She quietly replies back in shame.  “You’d be better off leaving me, I’m not much to stay for anyway.”

“No! I’m staying,” Lincoln cried out.  “I love you and want you in my life, we can get passed this and I’ll be supporting you the entire way.”

“Lincoln I can’t! It’s been 7 years! I’m becoming my depression instead of fighting it! At this point I feel like you only stay because you feel obligated to stay.”  Avery said, as tears start to form. 

“No, I stay because I love you and I believe you can do this, I see the light for you when you can’t.  I am my own person, if I wanted to leave I would.  I don’t want to go, I want to stay with you! Your depression doesn’t change who you are, you are still you even with the depression, and I still love you, all of you!” 
“I’ve been hospitalized four times, I can’t be helped.” 

“Your mind isn’t something someone else can change, you have to accept the change and help in order to be helped.  You can’t be helped if you don’t want to be.”

The next day Avery didn’t show up at school.  Lincoln didn’t know where she was at all, she wasn’t answering her phone and her parents were at work.  He ran from school over to her house and kicked the front door open, ran through every room screaming her name.  Heart beating increasingly as there’s no response.  He opened every door on the main floor.  Then proceeded up the stairs and opened every door going down the hallway to her room.  She’s still missing.  Finally he burst into Avery’s room to see her there, Hanging…  Lincoln immediately burst into tears and got her down from from where she was and laid her on her bed.  Screaming in frustration and sadness.

“Please, God no!! Please don’t go, come back!” Lincoln screaming as tears are rolling down his face.  “Please, don’t go…” He whispered finally.  He called 911 and the ambulance sped over.  They didn’t even try anything they immediately threw her in and rushed over to the hospital.  There Lincoln sat for three hours waiting for the okay to go see her.  Another ten minutes pass and a doctor comes out with a bad face.

“I’m sorry,” He says “She’s lost too much oxygen flow and her neck’s broken.  We’ve tried our best we could.”
Lincoln then drops to the floor sobbing as his world crashed around him.  Avery’s parents doing the same as they were waiting with him.  A few more weeks pass and Lincoln finally gets the courage to go back to her room, nothing has changed.  Not even the chair that was knocked over from when she ended her life was moved.  There is a note on the desk near the window, written out to Lincoln and there’s another for her parents in which they’ve already taken. The note read:

Dear Lincoln,

I’m sorry for everything that I’ve ever done to you.  You mean the absolute world to me, you’ve seen light where I can’t.  You keep shining that light for others, please, don’t be sad.  Help those who need help and be the person everyone can go to like you are for me.  You mean the absolute world to me and if I wasn’t so broken I’d stay with you forever.  However I am broken, and I’m not meant for this world.  I don’t think I ever have been.  In the drawer to the left at the bottom there’s memories of us, everything we’ve ever done together.  As well as my journal, so you can read my thoughts for everyday as well as there’s blank paper for you to continue.  Please don’t forget me, take me wherever you go, hence the lockette in the drawer as well, I didn’t put in on a necklace because I want you to choose which metal for the necklace.  I hope you live your life in peace, enjoy it while you can, don’t take happiness for granted.  I love you..

-Avery    08/15/19