1) “In telling others about your goals, you become less likely to succeed. When you publicly declare a goal to someone, a part of you feels like you’ve already achieved it, which subconsciously give you the satisfaction you need to forget about it and move on.”
She was telling the truth when she told me that she would get better. She would clean up her act, she would leave Carl, and go to the meetings this time. She would get her job back. I know she meant it.
But I’d also seen her do this enough times to know that she wouldn’t clean up her act and she wouldn’t leave Carl. I was starting to get sick of her getting my hopes up just to be disappointed over, and over again.
The longer she stays sober the worse the relapse is. So when she didn’t come home one night, I took the car out to look for her
2) “Gasoline is odorless. What you smell when you are at a filling station is benzene, a colorless and sweet-smelling chemical compound known to cause leukemia. Inhaling gasoline vapors can produce intoxication and euphoria.”
She was at a gas station. I told her to get in the car and I filled up the tank because it was low on gas. While I waiting for the tank to fill up, I didn’t notice her crawl in the driver’s side, start the engine and speed off with the pump still in the gas tank. The hose burst off and gasoline sprayed everywhere. She left me with an explosion of gasoline raining down. I walked home that night drenched in the smell of benzene.
3) Just like the gravity of the earth pulls on you, your mass is pulling against the earth at the same rate. The only difference is that the Earth’s mass is so much larger that it can keep you grounded.
And though I knew this, at that moment, I felt so huge, I was certain it was the Earth that was attracted to me. It was my presence that kept all the mass from floating off the planet and it was me that was keeping the planets in rotations and the moon circulating me. In that moment the sun was circling me. I was the center of the galaxy and all the universe was in the palm of my hand. I breathed in the smell of benzene soaking through his clothes. And started walking home. Careful steps as to keep the universe that was surrounding him in alignment.
4) "Blood is mostly water, and the watery portion of blood, the plasma, has a concentration of salt and other ions that is remarkably similar to seawater."
When he finally got home, she wasn’t there. But Carl was. Sitting in a chair, sipping a beer. He was angry. “The f*** you doing home late?”
“Looking for mom. Do you know where she is?”
“You know, I work hard all day. When I’m home, I expect there to be dinner.” He didn’t answer my question. I didn’t see his fist swinging before it hit my face. I tasted the blood on my mouth. Was it mine or Carl’s? Didn’t matter really. Billions of years ago all of our ancestors were first crawling out of the ocean. The blood all came from the same place and my blood was just as much Carl’s as it was mine. He hit me again and again and again. When Carl had worn himself out, he fell asleep on the floor. I got up and looked at the man. I realized I couldn’t stay here any longer. I took Carl’s wallet and walked to the bus stop.
5) "Over short time periods, people are more likely to regret actions taken and mistakes made, whereas over long time periods, they are more likely to regret actions not taken, such as missed opportunities for love or working too hard and not spending enough time with family."
So as I rode away I pondered which I would regret more: Getting out of that town and leaving her with him now, or never being brave enough to leave her years from now.
I hope I was wasn’t going to regret going back for her years from now.
I was sure his biggest regret would be never having the guts to kill Carl. But only time would tell.