Your Life is Worth So Much More

May 14, 2017
By Anonymous

   “ADDYSON! You need to get up for school.” Sleepy and still gaining a sense for what is going on, I got up. I have never dreaded going to school so much before. “ADDYSON let’s go!” My mom is trying her best to get me going but it’s so hard to get up anymore. For it being my senior year, I have never hated school so much. Four years of pure hell and to think that I still have college. “Okay mom I’m up. I’ll be down in a few minutes”my voice echoed off the pink walls of my room. The medicine I was supposed to take last night is still sitting on my dresser gathering dust. I checked my phone to see if someone actually texted me. Oh look at that. Just a notification from Pinterest. I finally got out of bed; not minding about making it and walked down the stairwell which seemed like it was taking forever to get to the bottom.
“I don’t care about that right now! The electricity bill needs to be paid now!” my dad screamed.
“Well for only having 36 hours on my damn paycheck, I’m trying my best,” my mom replied.
“Hi mom. Hi dad,” my voice rang with no reply.  Another morning with them yelling. It’s only 6:30. I tried my best to avoid them but it’s hard when their morning fighting is going on in the kitchen. Reaching into the cabinet, I grabbed a bowl for some cereal. “Would you get the hell out of the way?!” I sulked away from my dad after he said that. Things have been a little rough lately. Both of my parents’ jobs are very shaky. With that being said, money is very tight. Every morning is like this; screams filling the house and things being slammed on the counters. Sometimes it’s earlier than 6:00. Today we’re making progress.
“Hey mom, what is the weather is supposed to be today?”
“It’s supposed to be in the 60s. Go get ready for school and make sure your keys are somewhere where I can find them. I need to start your car because you know how your dad is when the cars don’t run before you guys take off.”
I walked into the small laundry room with all of our puppy’s stuff in it feeling the cold tiles on my feet woke me up. Jeans and what shirt today? It sucks that all these other people have time and money to go shopping for clothes and I’m stuck with two pairs of jeans.
I only feel at peace when I’m able to drive. Driving clears my mind and allows me to be in my own little world. I made the seven minute drive to school to meet up with my best friend when I got there. The bus had just reached the school when I got there.
“Hey Addy!”
“Oh hey Mia. The bus actually got here before me.”
“I know it’s crazy. There was this one kid that would not shut up.”
“This is why I don’t ride the bus anymore; kids are so annoying.”
“Addy, you care to tell me what’s going on? You aren’t your normal spunky self. Usually you’re all-” The loud ringing of the bell cut her off. “Anyways, I’ll see you in class.”
While I was walking through the hallways, conversations about prom were constantly circulating. I can’t wait to get out of here. Just a few more weeks. Having such little time left is my main motivation. So much crap is said behind other’s backs. Why do people have to be so mean? The main hallway is filled with the groups of people from my grade leaning up against the red lockers and the tiled walls that drive my OCD crazy. They are always talking about some of the stupidest things and things that shouldn’t be said in a public setting. I can’t wait to get out of here. I walked into my first hour class and right off the bat,everyone was crap talking. That was weird. Why did they stop talking when I got into the room?
The dry erase marker smell filled the classroom with this intoxicating smell. Giggles from a little group started calling my name. Holy cow they should shut up. I’m trying to take notes on how to format my essay. A whisper came to me “did you hear that Addy-” was cut short by our teacher giving us our homework.
“Alright class, I need your first draft of your essay done by the next class period. Failing to do so will result in an automatic 50%. Are there any questions?”
“Can we get a grade lower than a 50%?” asked on kid.
“Yes you can. Please do your homework.” I just want to know what they were saying about me.
“Hey Mia, did you hear that little squad talking about me?”
“Just ignore them Addy. They’re just trying to get into your head.” Mia said brushing it off.
    As I was walking through the hallway with Mia, I felt like every pair of eyes was watching me. This is super uncomfortable. I picked up the pace and started walking faster. Maybe I’m just being paranoid. I didn’t sleep much last night and I’m just really hungry.
Lunch just had the same eerie feeling but worse. “Mia I really feel like people are talking crap about me.” She didn’t answer. “Mia!”
“Oh sorry I was just uh going through my Snapchat stories and zoned out for a little while.”
“Even when you do that, you usually keep up a conversation. You say that I’m acting strange but you’re the one acting strange.”
“I’m sorry Ad. I just have to go right now.”
“Ummm okay. Bye Mi.” I decided to finish eating my lunch but I felt like everyone was watching me eat. What the hell is going on?! Only two more classes then I can go home. The walk to my next class seemed like it lasted for years; the constant feeling that everyone was talking about me slowed time down.
“Oh my gosh! Is that Addy?!” said one of the popular girls sitting in the corner of the room.
I was standing right in the doorway as they said that. My heart dropped. Everyone’s phone was lit up with a picture of me at a party. I honestly didn’t know someone took that picture of me. That picture of me was the last straw. Now the entire school saw has that picture of me on their phone. That night was one I wish I could forget. On that phone that was currently being passed around was a picture of me falling downstairs and then I got soaked because people there thought it would be funny to see me drenched in whatever drink that was. I need to text Mia to see if she knows what’s going on. “Did you know what happened? Did you know that picture of me was going around?”
Mia never texted me back and after class I decided to go on home. As I was walking through the hallway, I knew everyone was staring at me walking through the hallway. Finally I’m at my car. I got into my car and drove off. Tears started to roll down my face and blurred my vision. I proceeded to drive even though I couldn’t really see. A car blew a stop sign and I was lucky enough to dodge it. After a long drive home I made it home. Oh Mia texted me, “I’m sorry Addy. I did know about the picture but I didn’t have the guts to tell you about it.” Wow what a friend she is. I can’t do this anymore. Thoughts about ending my life were racing through my head. This seems like the only thing reasonable. I’m hurt so much but how can I deal with this.
I walked into my bathroom and looked at the blonde hair, blue eyed girl standing in the mirror. Is this the right choice? I heard the thud of my front door being opened. “ADDY! I’m sorry.” Mia came sprinting through my house. “Addy please don’t end your life. You’re life is worth so much more.”

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