All in her Head

May 10, 2017
Ew! A young girl thought to herself as she looked into the mirror. Why do I look like this?
“Hey Jane, breakfast is ready”, her mom called down from the kitchen. Jane tried to fix herself but soon lost interest, grabbed her bag, and slowly walked down the carpeted steps. “I made you pancakes!”, her mom squealed. Great, another meal to make me look more disgusting, she thought. She sat down at the table and began her meal. “Okay thank you,” she reached for the syrup and started eating breakfast. As her mom walked around the kitchen drinking her coffee in her silk pajamas, Jane thought how could some look so pretty this early in the morning? Her mom, a previous model for Vogue, had perfect curly blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and the littlest waist. Why can’t I look like her? Jane thought constantly. “Come on Jane, get in the car. You are going to be late for school!”. Jane reached down for her backpack and headed towards the door. “You barely ate any of your pancakes!”, her mom sounded surprised. “Not that hungry”, Jane mumbled. “That’s weird. I feel like you’re always hungry”, her mom blurted out, not even thinking about what she had just said. That made Jane feel even worse. “Well, not today,” she said quietly. “I have a date with Liam tonight,” Mom admitted. Which one is that? Jane wanted to say. There was Mark from the bar, Jim from work, Kyle from the city, and the latest one was Liam from the supermarket. Jane couldn’t even keep up with the amount of boyfriends her mom had dated in the past three years since her parents got divorced. In the past year, her mother had had four boyfriends, and Jane couldn’t even get one. As the car came to a stop Jane opened the door to get out. “Bye honey, have a great day”, Jane shut the door and slowly strolled into school.
“Yay, high school. My favorite place,” she whispered sarcastically. Her first period of the day was health class. As she walked through the halls she looked around at all the pretty girls walking with either their perfect boyfriends or their beautiful sidekicks. After what seemed like a far walk, Jane was at her classroom. As she walked in she put her head down and went straight to her seat. She sat in the back so she would never get called on. “Hey Jane!”, her best friend Vanessa hopped into the seat next to her. Vanessa had light brown hair, dark green eyes, and in Jane’s eyes she was much prettier than herself. “Hey,” Jane replied. “Alright kids, today’s lesson is on self esteem,” her teacher, Mr. Harrison, said as he walked into the room. “Can anyone give me a definition of self esteem in your own words?”. I bet he doesn’t know anything about self esteem or kid’s insecurities. No one really does until they have them about themselves. He doesn’t even know me, or anyone of us, she thought. For the rest of the class, she tuned out the class discussion about the “feeling good about yourself” nonsense and decided to draw. Jane loved to draw because she could draw anything she wanted and no one had to see it. In her artwork, she could make herself look like she was actually her mother’s daughter. She could have blonde wavy hair with the bluest eyes and the perfect figure. But, unfortunately, when she lifted her head up from that paper she was back to reality.
She went through the rest of the day with Vanessa by her side. After health they had chemistry, english, geometry, history, lunch, and then art class together. Jane and Vanessa were best friends since elementary school. They always had a great time together, they shared many laughs and memories that neither of them could forget. They were always lab partners in chemistry, sat next to each other in geometry, and did all of their history projects together. At lunch it was only the two of them. They spent most of their lunch talking about school work and the latest drama in their grade. It was only the two of them most of the time, and Jane was totally fine with that because she really only felt comfortable talking to Vanessa.
As the day went on, she went to all of her classes except for gym. Gym class was the last period of the day and Jane dreaded every minute of it. She hated sports, mostly because she wasn’t good at them. She always felt embarrassed having to run, do push ups, or any physical activity in front of the boys in her class. Ninth period was also the only time of the day that she was not with Vanessa. So, she was completely alone with nobody to talk to or just simply smile at. Lastly, the school’s gym uniforms were awful. She had to wear long shorts with a baggy shirt, and she hated every second of it. The only thing she found good in gym was that it was the last period before she could go home to her bed.
Jane always knew that if she really hated the way she looked she should change it. But it really wasn’t that easy. Even if Jane looked like a supermodel like her mother, she would still feel the same way about herself. Jane’s mind was confusing. When she looked in the mirror she saw an ugly worthless girl. Others saw a cute, smart, and kind girl that has a great future ahead of her. No matter what, Jane would always have insecurities, because she did not see herself the same way as others saw her. In her mind she thought she would never be good enough. But at the end of the day, the unflattering girl she saw in the mirror was not real, it was all in her head all along.






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