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Fallen

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     The sky seemed grimmer than usual. The children playing outside no loner made her smile. The world turned her into a dull shade of grey, its liveliness drained out as her life gradually decelerated as if it was only a picture. She was locked inside those frames, frantically searching for an escape out of this suffering. How carefree and unbound was the girl she had been four months a go, who didn't care a bit about the criticizing from this world. That girl, with the innocent and nonchalant spirit, has long disappeared, replaced by a blind, desperate soul.
     She had always wanted a boyfriend so much, to prove that she wasn't the ugly duckling who would never find love. She yearned to experience those high school relationships, pushing aside the fact that she was ugly, fat, near-sighted, and doesn't know how to flirt. Then, on New Year's Day, she met him.
     The tall teenager stood in front of her, his countenance full of youthful energy and vigor. He smiled at her, and that's when she fell for him.
     At first, everything was exciting. A simple "good morning" text lit up her whole day, and she started to realize the relationship forming. She was blithe and happy, unaware of the big hurricane coming closer, and closer, and closer...
     Then it hit her. He began to tell her how his friends think she is fat and ugly, constantly hinting that she should be insecure about her weight. He told her that letting down her hair made her face skinnier, and how tasteless the letter she spent countless hours on was. These bullets ripped big, bloody gashes in her heart, their stings unforgettable amids the flood of criticism from the one she loved so much. But again and again, she forgave him, hoping that things will go back to the way they once were. Yet instead, her forgiveness backfired and here she is now, torn by the one who once was her confidant, her first love...
     No, she couldn't take it anymore. Yet she couldn't bring herself to tell him, to break up with him. She was a girlfriend too gentle, too loving, that she ended up being pressed between two huge walls of darkness and heartbreak, they slowly moving together, crushing her, suffocating her. She hated herself for her choices which exposed her as the centre target of materialistic judgment and condemnation. She hated herself being taken for granted, as if she should tolerate him for everything he does.
     Her decisions, to allow herself to fall in love, to be his girlfriend, had changed her. The once-confident girl now looked at herself with shame and hate, those sad, brown eyes no longer smiled, but told a story of heartbreak. She wanted to break free and act strong as those overwhelming texts flashed through her mind, but there was nothing she could just grasp onto until she cant stand up. She let out her long-suppressed sobs, not caring who heard it. There was no one there for her anyways.






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