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Recipe for a Loss in a Hockey Game

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Materials:
The largest speaker you can find (the louder the better)
A week’s worth of homework, projects, and studying
An ocean of forgetfulness
An empire of lack of responsibility
A pile of fighting and bickering with your teammates
A heap of bad attitude
A full harvest of selfishness
A vase of distractions (soccer balls and tennis balls are great examples)
A lifetime of not caring

Directions:
First off, start the day prior to the game using your “lifetime of not caring” and “heap of a bad attitude” to think about how bad your hockey game will go for you the next day. If you can start to mix in your “full harvest of selfishness” at that point too, you will be assuring a greater chance to help your team lose as well. Next, go through your day with the exact same ingredients in the first step to fuel the mindset to prepare for your loss the next day. After school, make sure to use “the ocean of forgetfulness” until about 9 o’clock the same night. This will help you forget “the week’s worth of homework, projects, and studying” (that you should already have) until late the night before your game. Start to work on those things, and take the longest possible time so that you won’t get much sleep for the next day. Repeat the first two steps for the day of the game, but I would personally recommend using more of those ingredients to guarantee a loss for your team. Next, use “the empire of lack of responsibility” to show up late for your warm up and preparation routine, and do not forget to bring your “vase of distractions” and “the largest speaker you can find.” Use the distractions and speaker to be late for the start of the game, and start to use “the pile of fighting and bickering with your teammates” once the game starts. This is where you need the largest amount of selfishness and bad attitude, for that will assure the defeat of your team. With this foolproof method, I can promise that your team will always come up short on the scoreboard!




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