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This That You Gave
I get up from the table, the flower you gave me still in my hand. Although for a moment, I had forgotten this was there. I look outside; the rain comes down in some strange rhythm, as if the heavens were trying to send me a message in some code. I recall it as a recurring nightmare…
You, standing with your back to me, were looking out onto the yard. When my step causes a board to creak, you turn around and hand me this flower. You wave with a smile, but your eyes wave with tears. Every fiber of my being wants to wipe those droplets from your glowing face, but I am held back.
I cry out for your name, but you only push out farther. You don’t seem to hear me. More tears fall from your face as you try to tell me something. I strain to listen but cannot hear a sound through the muffling thunder.
I want to run to you. I want to rescue you from this storm and keep you safe, but a higher instinct keeps me in place. I know what’s coming.
You are oblivious of the imposing danger. You are oblivious of the pain. I scream at you to come back, but the only scream I get is from the wind. I know you will be gone in a moment, and I will never be able to see you again. I’m not ready for that..
A white light covers you. And then in an instant, you are gone, and I am left in emotional agony.
I remember when you told me you had planned on planting a garden. You always had a passion for flowers. You had cried and wouldn’t speak the rest of the night. I found that fit of yours so amusing. I also remember the excited look on your face when you saw that seedling of a flower grow. You had planted it in the perfect spot. And when you told me how excited you were, I felt a deeper love for you than ever before.
The day you gave me that flower became the worst day of my life.
You were in so much pain. I had rushed to get you help. I panicked. I didn’t know what would happen; I most certainly did not expect that you would say goodbye.
Needles punctured your skin. Various marks were all over your body. If I had only known that you would leave me. I only wish that I could have taken your pain and placed it upon myself.
You knew. You knew you couldn’t hold out. You had to make sure I was safe and happy to take care of the flower you gave me. You knew you had to let go.
I find myself asking you why? Why did you go? Why did you leave me? It seems like such a short amount of time. There is so much more I want to show you. So much I have to tell you. To let you know how much I love you.
I will miss you. I will miss you, terribly. Nights will come where all I will do is cry, nights where I wonder why you left me alone with this flower. But I will not allow myself to be swallowed by my despair. A greater instinct keeps me going.
Look at the precious gift I hold: so peaceful, so innocent. I feel such a love for this flower. It’s my responsibility to care for and protect this. This is the greatest gift. As soon as this was placed in my hold, an overpowering feeling of love for something so fragile and new and beautiful overwhelmed my entity.
I promise you I will keep watch. You gave this to me and I will bring it up for you. I will water and give this all of the sunshine in the world. I will protect this with my life.
It’s a fatherly instinct.