Hello. It has been a while since we last spoke. You may not remember me. But I have been here all along- I have always been here. I’ve been in the back of your mind with your other thoughts. It is me, Regret. I was there ever since you said the wrong thing, or looked the wrong way. You let me inside and I will never leave. I have been clouding your judgement; making you think of all the mistakes you have made. You tend to push me away- conquering me with all the success and wonderful events. But what about all the times that could have been. All the chances you never took. All the times I have forever changed.
My best friend, Fear, helps me with that. He keeps you afraid. The regret you will always remember; couldn’t have happened without Fear. We are taking ahold of your life from now on. You no longer have a say in what happens. The happiness, it will no longer hold us back. The biggest mistake you ever made, was latching on to us. That person you just walked by. They could be the one. But we control your life. They are not the one. We will from now on say what you can and can’t do. We own you- everything you say or do. We will guide you. Creating you to be what we want. Not what you want. What you want no longer plays a role in your life. Remember when you used to be so happy? You probably think you will never be that happy again. Which is true- there’s nothing you could possibly do to get rid of us. The only power you have is how much control you give us. But we aren’t going to give you that power.
We are going to continue breaking you down and making you sad. You may push away Fear every so often, but he is much stronger than you think. You would win the battle, but he would win the war. We always win, there isn’t any hope left. Unless you think there is? Now that you know a little bit about the two of us, I will tell you who our latest victim is. His name is Chris. Chris is almost 18, he is a senior. Assuming he can survive until graduation. Chris no longer has friends; they always tried to help him get better. But that is not at all what we want to have happen.
Hi everyone! My name is Happiness! How have you been? I love reminding you of all the wonderful events that we have celebrated together. Do you remember that really nice person you talked to the other day? The feeling in your “stomach” was me! The “Oh my gosh I can’t believe that just happened I’m so excited.” We’ve been together your entire life. I help keep all the sad parts away, showing you what is really special and meaningful in life. I am always by your side helping you create all of these spectacular memories. I wonder where you are going to take us next. Maybe we will meet that really cute boy you’ve been crushing over.
My best friend is the person who I am inside! She is so amazing, we always go on so many fun adventures together. We are the perfect duo! Her name is Emily, she’s 17 right now. We made it to our senior year in high school. Emily and I really love spending time with all of our friends. She just spent the entire day with Jenny, who is her best friend. Jenny and Emily just went and had their nails done, matching red and white hearts. They are such an amazing pair, always by each others side no matter what happens. So there’s this guy that goes to our school, Emily has noticed him a few times. He makes us happy despite him being alone and not having friends anymore. Hopefully someday he will talk to us, I can’t wait to be friends.
Lately Chris has been trying to socialize with other people, how foolish of him to think that I, Regret, would ever allow this. I will just have to remind him of all the friends he has lost and mistakes he has made. That will teach him- it always does. In the past Chris has tried to develop feelings for someone. I believe her name was Emily... How foolish of him to think he had a chance.
Love. That is all Emily ever thinks about- more like infatuation. She started talking to Chris. She basically kicked me to the curb. She never gets that happy feeling with him around, she kicks me out of the control chair, as if a dark force has settled over her. I’ve been trying to fight it. But I’m not strong enough, even I can’t break apart “love”.
All he ever thinks about is Emily. He developed a new emotion all over again. He managed to push all the regret I showed him. Fear and I no longer have a role in his life. Happiness has taken over and it is all Emily’s fault. I’ve become to weak. He once again is happy.
Emily hasn’t been doing well since she first started talking to him. She no longer thinks happy thoughts with me. All that is left is the pain inside of her; all because of him. There’s nothing I can do to help her- not anymore.
Ever since Chris became happy, Emily has been dragging him down. She is making him sad again. Which is good for fear and I. But lately he has been considering leaving. He no longer is happy with her, but still he is happy.
Emily has become so weak. She can’t do this much longer. Chris is now happy, but she is all alone- destroyed. He has become distant. She now spends her nights crying on her bed. Contemplating the value of her existence. Chris will leave her if he found out about the things she has done to herself.
Today was the day. In school Chris walked up to her and said that he is no longer happy with her. He is done trying to make her happy. She went home early. I’m trying to stop these thoughts racing through her head. But I can’t; I’ve grown to weak without her. Oh no. She has the gun. I keep trying to remind her of all the wonderful moments we once celebrated together but not even that is working.
I hear the round enter the barrel of the gun. I can see him now standing there with that horrifying smile. Regret is about to push her over the edge. Beyond fixing- at this point there’s no hope. Maybe I can convince her to send one last text to him... Or maybe this is the end.