What Do Books Mean to Me?

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   I've always appreciated books more than practically everything else. When I look out into the dim world that has become my own it only reminds me that I will always see the world a little differently then everyone else. However when I stare into a book I know that I am seeing the same black print on smooth white pages as the rest if the world. I am not the only one who has to imagine the colors when I read. It gives me this invincible feeling that maybe now the playing field is evened out. I could even be imagining something the same or even better than the guy sitting next to me.


   My name is april, and I was born completely color blind. I see the world in black and white. People usually tell me that they're sorry when I admit this, as if im telling them that a member of my family has died. I always follow through this awkward part of the conversation by saying that I don't mind as long as I have books to read. When I try to trace my reading habit back to the start my mind always wraps around the same memory. It was a Tuesday and my preschool class was getting a new teacher. I guess she didn't read my file because when it came time to practice our colors she dragged my away from my books to participate. My old teacher had let me escape to the cardboard children's books in the corner during color time. As a three-year old this felt like my new teacher was ripping me away from my safe heaven. The teacher held up a color on a stick for each child one at a time. When she got to me the answer was apparently not yellow, which had been my best guess. Needless to say my teacher and parents had a conference and I got a whole lot of apologies. For some reason I always remember that day and how awful I felt. The only way I can describe it is to say it was like my book corner was a little box that I sat in to keep myself separate from the world of colors that my classmates were learning.


   As I've grown i have become less and less scared of colors. I figured why be scared of something just because I can't have it. When people ask me what my favorite color is I simply say, "I have a different favorite color everyday." I've always wondered why people who can see colors always try to limit themselves to just one. Isn't that like trying to limit your personality to just one word? I guess I wouldn't know. To me reading means colors. One day my favorite color will be the red of the main characters hair. The next day my favorite will be the color of the autumn leaves that my favorite author described. I don't know if I see the colors in my head the way the world sees them when they open their eyes. However one thing I do know is that without books I would have never really seen. That is what books mean to me.






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