Background:
Kari was only eleven years old when she started showing the signs of depression. She was always told that she was a successful and smart kid, but she never really believed it. She thought everyone was told that and she was nothing out of the ordinary. She honestly believed that she was worthless and began having suicidal thoughts at the age of twelve. However, life didn’t turn out as Kari expected, and you’ll see how.
It all began in the town of Eagan, Minnesota. She was born on March 2nd, 2000. When she was around the age of five, she moved to the small town of Neuilar, Wisconsin. As a child, her family always had a lot of money but they didn’t really show it off. Her parents never really had a job, although they sort of did, if you get what I mean? Her parents have been into drugs before she was even born. She has two siblings, a brother and a sister whom are both younger than her. Her father was a drug dealer to a lot of people throughout the town, so he made some pretty good money. Now, if you know anything about drugs, you know that you don’t want to show it off, otherwise you’ll get snitched on.
Life for Kari wasn’t in the best fashion. Her family bought plastic bowls from the dollar store, and they didn’t have the best furniture. They owned an older television model set, which was from the nineties. Their couch and recliner was heavily stained from foods that they had spilled and various other things. The children weren’t allowed in the dining room when their parent’s friends were over. They didn’t want the kids to see anything, nor to tell anyone. Of course, the kids would have never told anyone, because they didn’t really know what was truly going on. They knew what their parents were doing—but didn’t really think it was wrong. They grew up in this type of lifestyle, so they just through that it was completely normal. They would get whatever kind of food they wanted, but that was mainly it. All of their clothes were bought from Wal-Mart or the dollar store, so they weren’t the best quality. They had carpet all the way throughout the house, it was heavily stained.
When Kari was younger, she always had a feeling as though she had to impress all of her parents’ friends. She had never formally met them, but they knew who she was. She tried acting like them, because she wanted to impress them. She tried rapping, and she got pretty good at it. At the young age of just ten, she was listening to hardcore rap music. They treated her like garbage most of the time, and kicked her out of the kitchen like it was their house.  When she was about ten years old, her family hosted a fire outside. Her parents’ friends were over, just like every day, and there was this specific friend named Kalvin. He was always really mean to her and would kick her out of the kitchen every day, but this time it was different. She was rapping a song, like usual, and he started screaming at her in front of everyone. He told her if she ever said those words again, he would beat her up himself. She was so embarrassed, that she just said that was tired to go inside. She cried myself to sleep that night and I thought that I had failed everyone that night.
All the way through the time that her parents got caught, she could hear rap music blaring through the house while she was trying to fall asleep. She asked her mom if he would turn it down, but he never would. He occasionally went over to his friends’ houses, but they usually came over to theirs. They would go out to the bar some nights, which made things easier. Through the time that she turned twelve, her dad was a pretty nice guy. He would buy his kids’ stuff, and throughout all of this Kari still thought that she was the luckiest kid in the world.
Eventually, the night came that her father got caught for dealing drugs. She woke up to a gun held to her dad’s head that morning. Officers were shouting, and she had no idea what was going on. Two officers were standing next to her bed, and one asked her, “Do you have pants on?”, she said yes and climbed out of bed. They asked her to wait on the porch steps for a while. her sister, Neveah, was at summer school, so she wasn’t home to witness this. However, her brother, Ross, was home when this tragedy occurred. He was only five years old, with thoughts rushing through his head. He was confused what was going on, and kept on asking questions. To be honest, Kari knew what was happening, but didn’t want to frighten her brother. Kari still remembers watching two officers walking away with her father in handcuffs. He was crying, and told all of us that he was sorry for what happened.
After her dad was brought away, the additional officers began searching through the house. They kept bringing out bags, and there had to be at least twenty.  Her father had $3,500 in cash that the sheriff was counting on the table. Of course, they took that with them, leaving the family with absolutely nothing. They turned the house upside down, which the kids had to clean up. Everything was all over the place, and the house was even messier than before.
Then, the Social Services lady come up to the door. Kari’s mom started crying, and asked in a panic if they were going to take the children away. The lady wanted to interview them, to see if this was a safe home, or if they were to be placed elsewhere. She asked things like if her parents used a card or cash when the family went shopping. She asked if they were eating every day, and how her parents were treating them. She asked the kids were ever went in their parent’s room, and if mom’s pill bottles were prescribed to her. They were asking all of these questions, and Kari knew exactly trying to discover. She was attempting to observe if her parents created a safe enough environment for the children to live in that household.
Fast forward to when the officers left, the house was such a pig-sty. It was absolutely awful, and everything knocked over. Even in her room, things were ripped apart. All of her clothes were pampered with, dresser drawers were opened, and things weren’t where she had left them. When Kari’s sister came home, she found the family still in shock and asked what happened. They explained what happened, and it was a hard story for the family to tell. That night, they were all laying in the living room, and Kari had a damp washcloth laying on her forehead. They didn’t have any air conditioning in the house, and it was a very hot night. Her mother told the kids to lay down, and keep the lights off, because she knew officers would be driving by. She was right, and there were several police cars driving by pretty often.
Everyone seemed to be looking at their home, and judging the family. They always had high traffic, so I’m sure that other people knew what was going on. Neighbors were looking out of their windows, and poor Kari could never forget the looks on their faces. They looked like they were worried about the kids. Cars were in the driveway, yard, across the street, next to our mailbox, etc. It wasn’t just once every few months, this was an everyday thing.
After his arrest, he still had several friends coming over, but not nearly as many as before. They told him that they still cared about him, and they would always be there for him. Well, four years later none of them were coming over any more. None of his friends were getting ahold of him, and they didn’t want anything to do with him. Her dad went into a deep depression, and always stayed in his room. He still got his drugs from a friend, so at this point he was still calm.
Today, he acts nothing of the sort. He is very controlling of the family, always telling his wife what she exactly can and cannot do. He calls her names every day, some of them are inappropriate to say. He lashes out on the family for absolutely everything. He makes them feel worthless on a daily basis. He often tells Kari that she’s irresponsible, and makes fun of her weight every day. He tells her that she needs to start losing weight, because all that she knows how to do is eat, according to him. One time, she was crying because she was missing her mom. He began mimicking her, and acted like he was a crying baby. He was asked her if she needed a “baba”.
Home life isn’t the only thing bothering Kari today. Another issue would be her social life. Nobody was interested in her, and she believed people just thought she was annoying. Sure, people would listen to her problems sometimes. In reality, she could tell they were just trying to be nice and they really didn’t care what’s going on. Her friends always did things together, but they never really included her. They were always doing things left and right, and she was rarely invited. Kari felt like she was just a lonely piece of dust in this world. Her friends were the closest things to her, but she knew they were slowly distancing apart. She always tried to tell them that she was sorry for how dramatic, but it only seemed to make things worse.
The last time that she hung out with one of her friends was three and a half weeks ago, so almost a month. Her friend Bella, just went to the movie theatre last night with a group of friends. Sophie went to the bowling alley last week with her best friend. Angela, her best friend, was doing anything and everything. She has been all over the place, doing everything, and it felt like Kari didn’t even matter anymore. She wished that she could just pack up and leave everyone because it felt like she didn’t belong anymore.
Every guy at school isn’t very interested in her, they always thought she was crazy. She just tried to act herself and everyone thought she was weird. Kari’s been trying so hard to get someone interested in her and it never seemed to work out. She knew her craziness wasn’t the only thing holding the guys back. They all seem to have this perfect ideal image of a girl strapped into their minds. Kari didn’t fit the criteria in any way or form. She wasn’t thin, by any standards, and honestly thought she was a very ugly person. She thought the shape of her nose was too big, and my facial structure too large. She was  just average, just another needle in the haystack.
With all of this going on, she didn’t really have much of a purpose for anything anymore. All that she did was sleep, and she never really did much else. She’d never really go out to eat, or participate in any activities that she used to. Everything just doesn’t have a purpose. In Kari’s head, it was just a waste of money. Everything in life was so grey and dull, that she simply didn’t care and didn’t feel like she had purpose.  She didn’t feel like working anymore, so she started to reduce her hours. Life is just all over the place in her world, and she just didn’t care anymore.

Diary Entry One:
Hey, my name is Kari. I’m sixteen years old, and I just decided to write today. Today, my boyfriend Joseph and I broke up today. I broke up with him because I didn’t really have much of an interest in him, and I didn’t want to lead him on. I feel awful about it, because he was so sweet to me. I could tell that it wasn’t going anywhere, so I didn’t want him to keep catching feelings. Ugh, I’m an awful person.
Dad’s yelling again, because mom just spent a dollar at the store, and he’s just screaming away. None of the money is actually addressed in his name, but he feels like he can tell everyone what to do with it. He always has to feel like he’s in charge. I haven’t seen a day pass, where my father didn’t yell. Every time that someone yells, I cringe. I hate when people yell, and sometimes, I even start to cry. I get made fun of by my dad quite often, and it to be honest it hurts my feelings.  He’s just so mean, and now he’s calling my mom names again. Sometimes, I just don’t understand why she won’t leave him. None of my priorities are done, because of the atmosphere surrounding me.
My homework’s not done, I should probably work on that. On the other hand, who cares about homework? My life probably won’t last that much longer anyways, so why would I try. I don’t understand why I would put in effort to something that won’t even matter in the end. Even if I am still alive in the future, I can still get into college. My grades are okay, but they are nothing compared to the grades that I usually get. I used to be that kid who was in every sport and straight A’s on every report card. I was always with my friends and I was close to my family. Today, it’s the complete opposite. My grades are going down and so is everything else. D’s. I just don’t care anymore and there’s no purpose. I better go…night.
Diary Entry Two:
I wish that someone would help me out of this house. It’s so torturous, he’s so mean and I can’t handle the names that he calls my mom. I tried to intervene today, but it only made things worse. He turned things in a completely different direction, and started screaming at me for everything that I do wrong. He tells me that I’m just a little girl and that I shouldn’t try to jump into conversations that I don’t belong in. When he talks to me like this, I honestly don’t know how much longer I want to be alive anymore.
I don’t know how much more that I can handle in my life. I started cutting again last night, things just got too hard. I felt like with each fresh cut, I was finally able to relieve my anger. Everything is my fault, and I feel like I have to be punished for it. Everything that I do seems to be wrong, and I think that someone should be punished for it. I’m awful with pain, but each cut just gets deeper and deeper.
Sometimes, I just think about ending it all. I often think of the letters that I would write, and their reactions as they would read them. I like to think about it like I’m just a lost angel, who needs to go home. I don’t want to be on this earth anymore, and I honestly just feel like I’m a mistake. I don’t think that I was meant to live here, and I really don’t want to. Things are too hard and I just don’t know how much more I can take. I need someone to lean on, and I need someone now. Before things are too late, I need to find my soul partner.
  I just want to disappear for a few weeks and loose connections with everyone. I wonder who would care. We’ll find out someday…night.

Diary Entry Three:
I’m sorry, but I did it again. There are a total of 24 cuts across my wrists, and they sting so bad. I know that I shouldn’t be doing this and that it’s a bad thing to do, but I feel like I  have to. Nobody’s noticed, which is a good thing, because I don’t want to be anyone’s pity party. I have been wearing long sleeves every day to cover up the mess inside. There’s this one guy that I like, and I know that chances are, he probably doesn’t like me back.
He’s perfect in every way. He’s extremely attractive, super smart, and he’s all of the characteristics that you would love in a partner. I think I know who he likes, which wouldn’t be a shocker. Why would someone like him date someone like me? It’s kind of a joke, but, that’s just how my heart feels. I hope that someday he’ll realize how much I like him and won’t think that I’m crazy like everyone else does. I just hope that one day someone will like me for who I am.
Everyone just seems to use me, and I honestly don’t have a problem with it. The reason why, is because they’ll actually talk to me then. If I don’t give them what they want, then we probably won’t be so close. I just want someone to talk to once in a while, and this seems to be the only way how. I just wish that I had someone who wanted me for who I am. I don’t know if anyone else ever feels like that, but I certainly do. I want someone to be there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on.
I always try to act tough, but that doesn’t usually work too well. I’m not that tough of a person, and I tend to break down easily. People can say a slightly rude thing, and I will burst out in tears. I’m just really soft, and I think people like to use that for their advantage. I wish that I was tough, but I’m just not… Well I’m going to, night.

Diary Entry Four:
Hey, it’s worse today. My life is completely turning around, and I need someone to save me from myself. The guy who I like, I was right, he doesn’t like me. I saw him hanging out with this other girl today, and they wrote a post on Twitter. I think they are definitely an item, and I honestly hope that they are happy together. He deserves the best, and that just wasn’t me. I hope that someone will come and find me soon before it’s too late.
The cuts on my wrist are adding up, I’m up to 52 now. I started cutting a little bit on my stomach too. I started dropping weight, hoping that he might notice. I dropped 25 pounds, and I wonder if he even cares. I haven’t been eating, and when I do, I would purge up my food in the bathroom. I’ve been doing this for a couple of weeks, and I’m beginning to get some results. I hope that he’ll notice and maybe he’ll start to find some interest in me. I know that I can’t change very much about me, but I’m trying to make this enough. I hope that he notices how much I care about him and how happy I could make him.
If we ever started dating, I swear I would be the best girlfriend. I would buy him all kinds of things for his birthday and the holidays. I would surprise him with baked goods, like cookies or brownies. I would always write him sweet messages and tell him how much he means to me. I would do all kinds of activities with him, any day and every day. I can see these kinds of things happening, but I know that they won’t come true. I need to accept that this kind of life wasn't meant for me. I have a tendency to do this kind of thing and it usually ends up getting me in trouble. I need to stop doing this to myself, because I’m only making it worse for my feelings. I wish that this was my life, but I know that it will never happen. This life isn’t mine, and I need to give it back to whoever deserves it because it certainly isn’t me. Well…I’m going to go. Bye.
Diary Entry Five:
I can’t handle seeing them around together. Today, I went to Taco Bell and I saw them together again. It’s too hard to see them like that. They aren’t officially a couple, but I know that they will be. I can’t get over him no matter how hard that I try. He is so flawless, and there is nobody out there like him. It’s not just with him either, if you think that’s all that I care about.
My friends and I aren’t hanging out anymore either. We haven’t hung out for quite some time now. It’s been almost two months now, and we haven’t even gone out to McDonald’s together. I wish that we could still do things, but they’re too busy with their other friends. I’m never invited anymore, and I’m just a piece of dust floating around the sky. I wish things were like they used to be when I was younger. I had a lot of friends and I was close to everyone. I was a happy child. That’s not the way things are anymore, which gets me depressed every time that I think about it. Everything just seems so wrong, and I wish that I could fix it.
My life at home isn’t the best either. Things are just hard, and everything hurts. I feel like nobody cares about me and I know that nobody cares if I’m alive or dead at this point. My life is all up to me, because nobody is going to save me. It’s up to me to do this, because I’m the only one who can save myself from the demons inside. I still love everyone, even though that they don’t care about me. My life means nothing to nobody, so I have to find myself.
I began writing the letters. I’m terrified of what people will think, when they know what I did. I already have a plan and everything, and I just hope that it will work. I’m going to miss everyone, and I am going to especially miss the little things in life. I’m going to miss the crisp breeze flowing through my hair. I’m going to miss the feeling of climbing into fresh, warm sheets after a hot shower. I’m going to miss the taste of a caramel iced coffee, and I’m going to miss the taste of fresh and crispy chicken. I’m going to miss chicken nuggets. I’m going to miss the sound of crunching leaves underneath my feet during fall. I’m going to miss the feeling of someone hugging me, and telling me that everything is going to be alright. I’m going to miss the taste of hash browns, and pepperoni pizza. I’m going to miss the feeling of cozy sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt. I’m going to miss the little things of everyday life, but it’s the bigger things that matter. The bigger things are the subject of my pain every day. This is exactly what I need to escape from.

Diary Entry Six/Goodbye Letters:
All of the letters have been written. I wrote to my parents, my sisters, my grandma, my ex-closest friends, my boss, my teachers, a few co-workers, and finally, Josh. My parent’s letters were addressed separately, because I have different feelings for each of them. In my dad’s letter, I wrote about how he treated us. I wrote the feelings I had when he used to call my mother and I names, and how much they hurt. I told him that I forgave him, and that he will always still be my dad. In my mom’s letter, I wrote about how much love she showed me. She was so sweet to me, and I will forever be grateful for that.
My mom was the sweetest thing that this Earth had even seen. She dealt with the struggles in her everyday life, and she still was sweeter than ever towards us. She always told us how much she cared, and how much we meant to her. She gave us the love that we needed to escape from my dad. My mom was so gentle, and she was such a sweet person. She would do anything for her kids and I know that she would protect us from anything and everything. She tried so hard to protect us from our dad, and she did.
The next letter that I wrote was to my best friend. We have only known each other for a few years, but she sure did mean a lot to me. She helped me through a lot of rough times in my life, and I will be forever grateful towards her. She always gave me the confidence whenever I was feeling doubtful of myself. She always made me laugh, and she was the best friend that I could ever ask for. I would do anything for her, and I hope that she knows that. I’m sorry that we didn’t get to hang out as much during the end of my days, but you’ll always be cherished through my last breath. I will always love you from eternity and back.
My next letter of goodbye that I wrote was to my general manager. She was so sweet to me, and we always acted like best friends. She always treated me like her little sister, and I will never forget that. She’s so beautiful, everything about her was flawless. I made sure to tell her that each and every day, because I never wanted someone that precious to ever be damaged like I was. Please know that I always intended on hanging out with you. I’m sorry that my parents wouldn’t let me, they were controlling in that way. Also, thank you for always taking it easy on me whenever I messed up. You would never yell at me, and that really did mean a lot. You treated me like an actual person and I will forever love you.
To my siblings, I made sure to let them know that none of this was their fault. They did absolutely nothing wrong, and I hope they will be able to forgive me someday. Nobody could save me, and I wanted them to know this. They deserve to be treated like the royalty that they are. They are both truly amazing in every single way. I love them to the moon and back. I’m sorry for any fights that we got into, because I will always cherish the good memories that we had spent together. Please forgive me, and I love you both.
To my friend Sophie, I let her know how much I appreciated her. She was a very good friend, and she always let me vent whenever I needed it. She was so beautiful, and such a lovely person both inside and out. I want to tell you that I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart. I know that you told me to just keep holding on, but I just couldn’t anymore. You always meant a lot to me, and I never took you for granted. You were a very special piece of my life, and I will never, ever forget that. I love you, and I hope that you will always remember that.
To some of my managers, I want to let you all know that this wasn’t prevented. I know that you may have seen me having some dark days at work. Thank you all for your generous comments about me, because you all made an impact in my life. You were all very sweet to me, and I won’t forget that. You all taught me some great life lessons in working here, but my time here has come to an end. I’m very appreciative for the years that we spent together and I will never forget them. I love you guys!
To my teachers, thank you guys for motivating me. I’m sorry that I started giving up on school, I just had a lot of my plate. I hope that you guys understand that I did appreciate all of the effort that you put into me, and you made an impact in my life in tons of ways. You taught me some valuable information that I will always remember. Thank you for pushing me, even when I thought I couldn’t.
Finally, to the love of my life, I want to thank you. You taught me a lesson, and that would be that I can’t get everything that I want. I don’t get to decide every little aspect in my life.  You were perfect in my eyes, and I’m sure that many other girls think of you in the same way. You did everything flawlessly, and you’re such an amazing person. You’re really intelligent, and you have a great future laying ahead of you. You’re so perfect is every way, and I wish we would have had a chance, but I know it would never happen. We were from two completely different worlds, and that’s why I understand. I hope that you are very happy with your future wife. I will always remember you, forever & always. I love you.

The Next Day:
Kari recovered from her suicidal attempt. She gave everyone their letters just moments before her attempt. This meant that they all knew exactly what she had done. Josh ended up calling the paramedics right in time to save her life. He met her at the hospital as soon as she got there. She had taken an entire bottle of anti-depressants in those five short minutes. She had a second bottle in her hand, but she dropped it in shock. Kari went with the paramedics, although she claimed that she played it off, and claimed that she was just taking her daily dosage before she went to sleep.
Kari was worked on for about an hour, and the doctors ended up saving her. Everyone who she cared about showed up at the hospital, besides Josh, they couldn’t believe what she was trying to do. Everyone viewed Kari as a happy person, and they couldn’t believe that she was capable of something like this. Everyone was crying, and Kari finally realized that she did have a purpose. Those people did love her, they just thought that she needed some space. Nobody realized what she was doing to herself and what she was feeling. Kari wore a fake smile every day, and nobody saw her true emotions.
Once Kari woke up, she saw all of the people standing there for her. Everyone was crying and they were so glad that she was alive. She had so many flowers filling the room, and she was given so many hugs. She knew that she was meant to live and that people did love and care about her. She told everyone that she was sorry, and promised to never do it again. Suddenly, Josh walked through the doors, and it seemed like nobody else was in the room. He asked if everyone could leave for a few minutes, so that he could talk to her.
He told Kari that he did have feelings for her. He didn’t realize that she was going through all of this pain, and he never meant for this to happen. He did like Kari for years, and he wanted to wait and ask her on homecoming. He was always nervous and simply didn’t know how to ask her. He was terrified of her rejection, and that he would ruin his chances with her. (This day was only three days away before Kari’s attempt.) Kari broke down in tears, she felt so bad, she never knew that he had intentions with her, or any feelings for her at all. He brought her flowers, and officially asked her out right there, and filmed her reaction. She was so happy, and she felt invincible in the world. She couldn’t believe that he liked her, because she’s liked him for about three years now. He wanted to make sure that she was single, and he was thinking homecoming was the perfect idea to ask her out. Kari’s life was the happiest that it had ever been, right at that moment, in the hospital.

The Present Day:
Today, Kari is still with John. Today is their 20-year anniversary. Josh showed her the reaction that she had when they first started dating, and absolutely nothing was different. There were always meant to be. Kari went to college to be a lawyer, which is what she was interested in as a child. John went to college to be a doctor, and they are living the dream. They have the perfect work schedule, where they still get to spend a bunch of time together. They still go on dates today, like going bowling, to movies, out to eat, etc. He treats her like a queen.
Kari and John set an excellent example for their children. They had a son on September 17th, 2026, and he’s twelve years old. The couple decided to name their first child Levi, and he is very honest and respectful. Although he talks out of turn once in a while at school, he’s a good boy. He treats girls with respect, just as his parents had taught him. He loves to make his parents laugh and he is loved dearly by his parents.
The couple’s second child was a precious little girl, born on May 28th, 2030, and she’s six years old. She’s the cutest little girl, and she knows how loved she is by her family. This little girl is very intelligent and she loves her family. This adorable child, was named Elizabeth Rose. They all make a truly lovely family, and they’re full of compassion and honesty. She knows that her older brother is looking out for her, and that her parents want what’s best for her.
We can’t forget the family’s Yorkie. Kari and Josh got him the year before they had Josh. Yorkie is very small, and he makes their family a whole. The family goes on activities every day and they have a very loving household. Kari finally got the life that she had dreamed of, and she would never have things any other way.  Life is finally complete for Kari, and life is exactly how she wanted it to be.