Boom! The door of the room I was (sleeping) doing my homework in, slams open. “Where is The Candy!” my sister shouts loudly. You’re probably wondering what “The Candy” is? Well it’s a container of Fun Dip powder with two lollipops taped on. If you’re living under a cold, sad, unforgiving, harsh rock in an apocalypse where halloween or candy doesn’t exist, Fun Dip is candy powder that only tastes good when combined with a wet (with spit) mint flavored candy stick, while a lollipop is a candy crystal on top of a (paper/cardboard) stick which you suck on. Basically, yummy. Anyway, I reply to my sister shouting with “Wait, don’t you have it”? As I didn’t keep it, my sister did (because I most likely/probably would have eaten it all by myself) because she is older. She then asks me where is it again as 9 year olds should ask to kindergarteners. Of course, I am sleepy , so I rolled my eyes “How do I know, you have it”. After I get shouted at some more, I (finally) got the situation and (she) we plan to find The Candy.
We run around, (like our guinea pig with diarrhea) and ask (people we know) everyone, even the veterinarian, who said our guinea pig would get hungry-er and get grosser eyes, and we get … nothing. We are about to give up but then, we see someone with The Candy. We run up to them and ask where they got it (even though it's not The Candy). They say at a house and point us to where it was. We (don't say thank you or anything like that and) run towards that direction. When we get there, we realize… “THIS IS THE HOUSE WE GOT THE CANDY FROM!”. At least that’s what we shouted in our head. There we also see a guinea pig eating some of The Candy which leads to sis to say “So guinea pigs can eat candy. Maybe we should give him some”. I am greedy, but also not (that) mean so I shrug, but in my head I say “HECK NO”.
So now we don’t have a lead so, rejected we went home where our mom answered our already rejected forms with “Our guinea pig died”. We are kids so we respond “NOW YOU TELL US”! She drops off a big bomb/nuke. “They died from too much sugar. Did you feed it anything it wasn’t supposed to eat? My sister looks at me and says “ No way”. I don’t get it and ask “what do you mean” … wait … The Candy. When we went to the veterinarian, they said that he (the guinea pig) would eat more than usual and could have eye discharge/gross stuff coming out of his eyes (which it did). If my mom had been treating or feeding the guinea pig and forgot to put him back in the cage, he could have gone to my sister’s room and found/ate The Candy. After all we did see other guinea pigs eating candy (but not dying).
Now we that we know this, we need to do something we clearly need to do. We go to our guinea pig’s (stinky/rotting) dead body and say… “SERIOUSLY, I HOPE YOU HAVE A BAD AFTERLIFE, GEEZ”. After all we are more angry about the candy than the actual pet (because that is actions of a responsible pet owner and not the actions of a immature kid). Oh yeah, we bury his body afterward with a tombstone that says “a sick terrible candy stealing guneey pig monster lies here, finally dead”.
A few years later (on Halloween)...
“Hey?” “Yeah?” “Want to get more candy from that house?” “Nah, it’s not healthy. Plus, it will make you fat.” “... I’m going to kill you.” “Bring it, you’re a princess and I am a ninja. My sword will beat your… Ow!” “I win.”