November 4, 2016

She cries herself to sleep that night. She has so much on her mind, so much self hatred and angry thoughts. As she quietly weeps, there is only one thing that she can think of to get rid of such pain.

Early in the morning she takes a shower, getting ready for her day. She washes her hair and body and she feels a painful stinging sensation on her arms and legs; she cries to herself silently, knowing that she has made a huge mistake and that it’s irreversible. She knows people are going to ask and wonder why she’s wearing long sleeves in the summer time.

She knows she is the sad alone person; she knows she is odd; she knows those who used to be her friends are making fun of her. The days go on, and she continues to harm herself to get rid of all the pain and anger she feels inside, to get rid of all the demons and monsters inside her head. As the days get shorter and the nights get longer she stays up and does so much to try to make herself feel better. She stops eating, starts taking more pills to free her mind and feel loose and normal.

Her body shrinks and becomes constellated with scars. But she feels better. In the hallways at school, the things that people whisper, “Why is she so weird? Why is she always alone?”

Like a ritual everyday, with a tear in her eye she whispers softly, “Please..  stop staring...”

Every day she hates herself more until her last.

And that year she took her life. She couldn’t handle the bullying, she couldn’t handle the self hatred. She ended her pain. And for those who made fun of her, they didn’t have any remorse nor did they really care that she left; to them it was all a game, a joke. Her best friend received a text message saying “I’m sorry..  I love you...” and that was the last time she would ever see a message from Nadia. The last time anyone would hear from her. Her mother was so angry and sad; Nadia didn’t even leave a note. There was nothing, just her daughter gone.

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