Why can't everything fit together? Like puzzle pieces. It takes awhile to get the right spot but everything goes. I feel so sad right now. I hate sharing a room, if I didn't I'd cry right now. I don't know what's totally wrong. Alls he said that his ex followed him around. Yet my stomach hurts. I can't help but think what if she still likes him? What if he likes her back? What if I know her?? I had an x too. Well complicated but still. Why do I feel this way? Did I think I was the first girl he asked out? Did I really think he was that into me? I want to throw-up, yet I want to run into his open arms. I want to be protected, yet not underestimated. Is that too much to ask for anymore?? I don't feel like laughing anymore. I want to run. I need to run. But where's there to run when there's no outside? There's nowhere to turn around. Thank god I'm not Closter phobic. Yet I'm suffocating, badly. It all depends on his reply, he's in control he has the power. Running gets the thoughts away. I don't want to think about it, but I think about him all the time! How can it be so complicated? Well, whether I'm ready or not, I'm going to check.
Nothing, no new messages, I'm so relieved yet needing the answer. I'm not using my phone any longer. Not until march, when I have money. Until then I can think, preferably straight. Stomach getting better. Like worms crawling around. Tomorrow's February, That's one of the worst months. Snow might start melting yet you know that there's a possibility of it snowing again. I feel so tense. Glad there's not school tomorrow. I'd be hyperventilating. Oh my god, I spelled that right. Sorry just sounded it out. Glad he told me threw email, the strong voice he has, but for what he said, I don't think I could have handled it. He'd have that laughter edge to his voice like he's always ready to laugh. That's another thing we have in common. It's almost scary. But yet I've always prayed for someone like me who can laugh, stay up, and be like me. But yet he's totally himself. He just has a little lack in communication. So what do I do? Be an idiot and talk to his best friend. 2 days later get texts asking which one do I like. Him of course. Do I say that? I don't have the nerve. Too scary. I think I overestimate myself. And I'm a tell you, it sucks to be disappointed. The worse feeling cause you know you left yourself down cause you knew you could do better. But you should be happy for what you've done. I read a quote and it's my favorite one. 'God never said life would be easy, but he said it would be worth it' So that's my new years resolution. It's my life goal. To make it worth it. But what choice would make it that way? Life's not easy but make it worth it, make it worth it.