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Vow

It wasn't an unusual morning of any unusual day. There was nothing strange about the buzzing alarm clock setting off at 6:35 am, breaking the silence of slumber. No abnormality occurred when a groggy teen reluctantly opened her eyes and quieted the sound, facing day. Even as she slowly sat upright on her bed, breathing in the first Monday of the rest of her life, nothing out of the ordinary was taking place. A few minutes later, the girl found herself stripping off her night clothes in the bathroom, slowly peeling the feeling of serenity and innocence from her skin. As ordinary as the task was, it gave her an unusual feeling of sensuality, a shame that followed her into the steamy shower. Definitely not a young girl anymore, but no more a woman then she was yesterday, exposure was the first of many qualities she saw through a new, more mature set of eyes.

The ability to think clearly before 12 pm comes with the abruptness and comfort of a hot shower. A mind can comprehend the thoughts that were surfacing upon its awake. Her mind was now beating with feeling, just as her heart was beating with insecurities and the water was beating on her skin from the showerhead. Thoughts raced across the corners of her mind: What am I going to be like today? How am I going to act? What am I going to say? What will become of me? Who is waiting for me outside the walls of the bathroom, and can I avoid them? Who do I want to notice me today? Can I pull this off? Thoughts triggered by previous actions, previous actions triggered by previous thoughts, triggered by previous actions and so forth. The imminent cycle of teenage life was bearable, even exhilarating at times, but some mornings it left nothing but fear, regrets, and emptiness. This morning was no different.

So today will be different, she silently vowed. Not worse, hopefully better, but all in all it will be different than before. In what form difference will come is questionable, and usually not decided upon until shampooing. May difference come in the daily routine of the life she desperately wished to exclude herself from, then so be it. If it comes in a statement, an attitude, a test grade or overwhelming emotion, then let that be accepted. Let no day repeat itself, but let good days be defined by more than the feeling of the moment; but by the feeling experienced before sleep tonight. The dawn of new life lies in her hands, and mine, and yours, with the breath of a beginning escaping out lips.





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