The life of a tech nerd

September 21, 2016
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“Hey, Michael I was having some tech problems can you help me?” He asks me with a frustrated look on his face.
“Sure, what do you need?” I ask him.
“My computer has a virus, I need your help to remove it.” He says pleadingly.
“Sure, have you tried running a virus scan yet?” I ask him prodingly.
“No, what’s that?” He asks with a confused look on his face.
“Its an action you can do on an application on your computer to find and get rid of viruses.” I explain to him.
“Well how do I get one of those?” He asks.
“Your computer has an antivirus application on it called Kaspersky, click it and run a virus scan” I explain to him.
“I don’t have that” He says in annoyance.
“Yes you do, I installed it on your computer, the icon is the letter K.” I calmly explain.
“Oh that, it was annoying so I threw it away.” He says matter of factly.
“You threw it away?” I ask in confusion.
“Yes, I put it in the recycling bin to get rid of it, it’s gone do something else to fix it.” He explains with confidence.
“Well first of all, all you did was delete the shortcut, you still have it on your computer, you just made it harder to get to the application, when have you last updated it?” I ask, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger.
“What do you mean updated it?” He asks, the confused look returning to his face.
“Every once in awhile it will give you a message about a new update to allow it to be up to date with virus catching technology, you should get a message when you turn your computer on” I explain, getting mildly annoyed.
“Oh that message? It annoys me so I just exit out of it every time” He says, looking mildly indignant.
“So you have never updated your antivirus?” I ask him.
“I suppose not.” He says, once again matter of factly.
“Well first of all, do that, that is why you got a virus in the first place.” I explain getting a little more annoyed.
“But I don’t like it.” He says, whining a bit.
“Life is about doing things we don’t like, do it or your computer is at risk” I explain plainly.
“Fine, you’re so bossy” He says, getting defensive.
“And you asked for help, i'm helping you, this would go faster if you just let me use the computer and do it for you” I explain impatiently.
“Yeah but I want to learn how to do it for next time” He says, clearly lying.
“Alright…” I sigh with a defeated tone.
“Okay it’s done updating, now what?” He asks impatiently.
“Now we go into the antivirus and start a virus scan” I explain.
“How do I do that?” He asks, getting more annoyed.
“Well since all you did was move the shortcut to the antivirus to the recycling bin just double click on the recycling bin and move it back to your shortcut” I tell him.
“What do you mean double click?” He asks with frustration.
“That means click twice on it…” I explain, shocked that the term was not self explanitory.
“Okay, it’s not working.” He says as he clicks twice slowly.
“You have to click twice, but faster.” I say in a faux calm.
“Okay” he says, shocked when it works.
“Alright now drag the icon to the desktop.” I explain calmly.
“How do I do that?” He says, becoming frustrated again.
“Hold click on it and move it on to your desktop.” I tell him calmly again.
“It’s not working.” he says as he punches the desk in frustration.
“Yeah, because you stopped holding click down.” I explain, trying to help him understand.
“Don’t give me sass, you didn’t make it clear.” He says angrily.
“What do you think hold means?” I mumble to myself.
“Okay it’s on the desktop, what do I do now.” He asks, eager to get it over with.
“Click on it… No I mean double click on it, like before” I say as we go through the process again.
“All this technology stuff is so confusing, I hate it.” He says in anger.
“Would you rather go back to the stone ages?” I ask, getting annoyed.
“Why are you so angry all the time?” He asks, trying to act like the victim.
“I'm not angry, just honest.” I say blankly.
“Well either way what do I do now.” He asks, moving on.
“Click the big run scan button to scan for viruses, then we just have to wait.” I tell him, relieved it’s about over.
***1 hour later***
“It’s all done Mike, what now?” He asks me, afraid to mess anything up.
“Well let me see… oh wow you had over 500 viruses, it's amazing your computer even ran at all.” I say in shock.
“What does that mean.” He asks confused.
“It means your computer should run a lot better now, so don’t worry any more, as long as you update this program when it asks your computer won’t get more viruses.” I tell him.
“Okay, thanks.” He says with relief.
***5 minutes later***
“IT STILL HAS THE VIRUS, YOU DIDN’T FIX IT.” He yells out angrily to me.
“What is it doing that I didn’t fix?” I ask, confused as to how he still has a virus.
“I still can’t use this thing on my computer *he then points at the internet icon*.” He explains, red in the face.
“What do you mean you can’t use it?” I ask, afraid of the answer.
“When I click on it nothing happens” He says in annoyance.
“Let me see” I say calmly (I then proceed to double click on the icon and get on the internet)
“HOW DID YOU DO THAT?” He yells in confusion and anger.
“I double clicked on the icon…” I explain in confusion and frustration.
*A long silence passes through the room finally I speak up*
“My bad.” I say sarcastically, while rolling my eyes and walk out of the room.

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