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The Life Beyond Living

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Always believe something wonderful is going to happen, even with all the ups and downs, never take a day for granted, cherish the little things and hug the ones you love. But how could I believe when my older brother had been missing for two weeks with no report or sign of him? Crying was for the weak. Don't I warned myself but soon the tears on the edge of my eyes rush out like a flood. Even though I had a strong connection with my brother, I felt a surge of anger at Zach for leaving me . Friday was the last day I had seen my brother after he had run away. Gone. He was always a good kid in school with sturdy grades ­no one expected him to do this. Isolation and loneliness would wrestle me at night reminding of the comfort my brother had given me through hard times, the friendship that we had kept throughout these years and the promise we had made to never leave each other in times of need and struggle. Just then the phone rings and Kristen, my mother rushes to pick up the phone, with hope in her eyes like she believes that her son will come back home, that everything can be back to normal. Kristen is silent for a long time but soon her lips are drawn at an odd angle and her eyes get huge, she collapses to the floor and her sobs start to intensify, I stand there paralyzed with fear and anxiety pulsing through my veins, then she says those three tiny words; they were wrong, sticks and stones would be easier to bear than those three words ‘he is gone’. Like a force, it hits me pushing all the air out of my lungs. My father begins to take in this information and cries with my mother, I guess this whole time he was weak, just like the rest of us. Neighbors come to our house the next day trying to comfort us , but they know nothing can be done to help. Only Zach would know what to do, only Zach. Prayers are dedicated to Zach that Sunday in church. Quietly I pray that he is in a happy place and would always keep watch over me. Roses were placed on his gravestone which read , never blame anyone in your life, good people give you happiness, bad people give you experiences, worst people give you a lesson, and the best people give you memories. Some of the kids that went to my school came up to me to say how Zach had made an impact in their lives. The others must have had been too afraid to say anything at all. Unity became our family's core image and soon we became closer and closer after the death, uplifting each other with words of reassurance, and with each and every day our hearts grew stronger , the darkness in our hearts diminished. Very soon, a couple of months after the funeral, my family decided to move, I remember one particular afternoon when I was laying on the lawn recollecting some memories I had of spent with Zach, I began to write a poem, sometimes the only way I could show my feelings was in words. Walking the journey of grief..sometimes feels as if there is no relief, when you died
part of me died too, and has left me with a feeling of not knowing what to do, my mind is scattered and I am in disarray, but they tell me that I am going to be OK, It’s hard to believe the words of some, when my heart tells me that day will never come, I will hold onto hope and believe it is
true, and know a day will come when I will see you, I still love you no matter what. Xavier, one of the constellations, is in the sky tonight, Zach is up there now, one more angel in heaven one more star in the sky.
You’ll never know what you have till you've lost it, I never realized the true meaning of friendship and love until Zach died. Zach, I can not accept the reality that you are gone, that I won't hear your voice again, that I will not see your smile, I miss you; but I know that you will always be with me wherever I go, through the journeys that life takes me; goodbye dear friend, I


know I will see you soon.

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