As he steps up to the pulpit and faces the congregation, I can almost feel the mysteriousness of this man. Although his voice is deep and reassuring, he lacks the confidence any other pastor here has claimed in this sanctuary. The congregation, though few they are, brings such a vast spectrum of judgement into this church as they stare at him, vast enough for the man to wonder if he is wanted there. And he begins with a nervous glance at the people, staring at him expectantly, his vocabulary radiating an intelligent air, and the congregation is quickly content, settling in their seats and letting out sighs of relief.
I observe cautiously, almost suspiciously. I am not content with this man, not impressed with his neatly trimmed mustache and freshly ironed shirt, accompanied with his perfectly contrasting tie and jacket. To me, he seems like the type of man who tries just slightly too hard to be adored or even respected by others. Yes, his use of metaphors and relatable topics and ideas show that he is educated in theology, but it seems memorized, as though every word is playing in his vision like a film reel. His hand gestures are wide and demanding, his dire attempt to show that he is truly egocentric by the will of God. He has taken the Bible passage and has ripped it apart to get the treasure inside, but he has kept the treasure for himself and is preaching the remains, as he believes the people in front of him are so shallow and smitten with religion that they couldn’t tell the difference if they tried. But he has forgotten about me, the girl in the third pew who is always downcast and writing furiously in her notebook. Unfortunately for this man, I have not forgotten him. I am observing him, my scale of judgement so strong that when I lock eyes with him a wave of defiant disappointment rushes in his direction. He receives it like a child receives a slap in the face, and stops midsentence is his speech. He glances at me, mumbles a hurried apology, gathers his things, and scurries away down the aisle until he is gone.