How to Accept an Apology

July 14, 2016
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1. Look her straight in the face, freeze her eyes with yours, restrain her mouth from erupting into a sheepish grin. Notice the way her eyes are two caterpillars splattered against the canvas of her forehead. Observe that mascara clings to each eyelash and wonder whether, when she blinks, her eyelids get stuck shut. Although you will be tempted to smear the cotton candy pink off her cheeks, do not succumb to this desire.
2. Listen to the words she is chirping at you and cherish their unrelenting innocence. Hear the nervous laughter tickling the silence. Wonder when you became the reason someone is afraid.
3. Trace with your eyes the bruised human flesh peppering her neck. The pigmented purple skin diluting to yellow at the edges. They go away, those marks, they always do. Why is she is not wearing that thick turtleneck sweater? A bandage to conceal the rupturing disaster underneath.
4. Glance at her pale thighs exposed, at the papery skirt billowing over her hips. Remember that it is summer and she cannot hide underneath piles of wool.
5. Why is she here, you will ask yourself. Why is this short, ugly woman here, who is too stupid to understand that you do not want her. You marvel at the chaos you are capable of creating, and she stands in your way. Do you not see that she loves you, that your shirt is stained with trickles of beer and your breath is outlined in sour orange, and this love towards you outweighs even her will to live? 
6. Feel deprivation take hold of you and squeeze you dry. Your throat curls up and you stalk the perimeters of the room, a hungry animal brought to the verge. Why is she standing there? Where did she put it? That b****. Stub your fingers into the carpet. Crouch on all fours and dig deep into the dark of the unexplored crevices. Too small to fit a bottle, but reason has escaped you.
7. You stand up, enraged. She waits for you to come near her and she stands firm, ready. You strike her and she falls.
8. She will apologize tomorrow, blubbering that she wants to help you, that she loves you. You will look down on her and smile, hazy eyed. At this stupid woman who thinks you have problems. You will accept she lives in a detached fantasy.
9. And you will accept her apology.

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