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Ernest Escapes from Guantanamo Bay
The sirens are wailing the bloodhounds are roaring. Ernest is an escaped convict from Guantanamo Bay. Voices were being amplified on loudspeakers yelling out commands.
' All guards to outer patrol!' Ernest was palpably running for his life. For three days Ernest scurried away until he reached what looked like an abandoned campsite. While he was probing for food and shelter, a squirrel hopped up on his bewhiskered back and crawled up to the top of his head. The solitary squirrel layed down and stayed on Ernest's head.
'I'll name you Derrick!' said Ernest. So he kept on ransacking around and looking for food and shelter. Not noticing it right away he found out that he walked into the middle of another abandoned campsite. Thinking that was peculiar, he started sauntering again and smacked right into a red, yellow, and blue colored light post, in the middle of the wilderness.
'CUT! Who is this little porker walking around on my set?' said the director. Meanwhile Tom Cruise stepped out of the bushes.
'Who are you?' asked Tom.
'Ernest, Ernest Conkirk Marquetelleiyi.'
'Hey aren't you that escaped convict from Guantanamo Bay that is potentially very dangerous and mean?' asked Tom.
'Yup, you aren't going to turn me in are you?'
'No, do you want to be friends?'
'Sure, can you help me get to Jamaica?'
'Yeah, you should really meet the director he's a really great guy. Hey Vinny, I want you to meet someone!'
'What, what do you want now you little whiner?'
''Ernest this is Vinny Testeverde, Vinny this is Ernest Conkirk Marquetelleiyi.' Tom introduced each other.
'Hey aren't you that little porker that was walking around on my set?' asked Vinny.
'Yes sir,' said Ernest.
'Ok whatever nice to meet you too, Franklin.'
'Uh, it's Ernest, sir.'
'Yeah ok whatever I don't care. I hear you want to go Paris then.'
'Jamaica, sir.' said Ernest.
'Well you can have my brand new seven and a half million dollar yacht, mint condition. I have enough of them, twelve or so, not sure.'
'Thank you sir!' exclaimed Ernest
Later that day Ernest sailed away to Jamaica, but while he was sailing, something big and dark in the water submerged up next to his boat. Ernest stopped the boat and the creepy, dark shape rose to the surface. It rolled over onto its slimy-haired belly. Right then Ernest knew it was a giant, salt-water, mutant otter, how could he mistake his own pet! While petting the otter on the stomach, Ernest thought what a gracious creature until he saw the thing burp and spew metal chunks and other odd chunks of stuff out of its mouth. For the rest of the day, Ernest was picking shrapnel out of his leg.
When he finally landed on Jamaica, there was a guy with dreadlocks waving in the wind, running up and down the shoreline. Right when the boat hit the beach the guy pulled Ernest down and in a croaky, smoky voice.
'I lost me golden tooth, mon! Help a brotha find his treasure!' vociferated the guy.
'Who are you?' questioned Ernest.
'My name is Bob Marley, Mon, now help me find me golden tooth!'
'Oh you can have mine, I have a spare in my pocket you can use,' considered Ernest.
'Thank yuh, mon!' said Bob in a relieved way.
Those two made a colossal friendship and Bob wanted Ernest to go on tour with him. While they excursioned from concert to concert, made songs and a lot of money, Bob had two secrets he never told anyone. When he thought it was the right time, he told Ernest the secrets. One was that Bob had an adolescent son, and two; Bob's soul and body was deteriating of lung disease.
That year Bob decamped from making music. He made Ernest adopt his young son. A month later Bob passed away from an abhorrent stroke. After Bob's wake, every night, Ernest would have a dream about Bob and talk to him. Ernest and his newly adopted son lived on buoyantly.