Perfect | Teen Ink

Perfect MAG

February 10, 2009
By Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
Kelsey Hill BRONZE, State University, Arkansas
2 articles 1 photo 1 comment

The eyeliner makes the dark circles less pronounced. The lip gloss hides the trembling. The ponytail conceals missing patches of hair. The Abercrombie sweater covers bruises. I might look at bit thinner, but everyone will ask about my new diet. My hair might not shine the way it used to, but the pink ribbon will distract curious eyes. One hour of preparation and I look like myself. One hour of preparation and no one will know. One hour out of 24. Sometimes I wonder if it’s worth it – wasting a twenty-fourth of my day on a lie. But then I see my wispy hair and baggy eyes, and I have to do it.

Checking my makeup one last time, I push my sleeves up, though not past my elbows. I slip on a cute pair of flats – heels are too dangerous with shaky legs – and grab my Hollister bag. Padding downstairs, I inhale the scent of waffles and syrup.

“Morning, Mom,” I call.

“Morning, baby,” she chirps. “Did you sleep well?”

“Better than I have been.”

She sighs, and her eyes look a hundred years old for a minute. “Any improvement is good,” she says half-heartedly.

“Of course.”

“I made waffles.” Her offering.

“Thanks, Mom. Smells delicious.” My offering.

I sit at the table and she hands me a plate. The thought of all that food turns my stomach, but I force a smile and thank my mother again. She busies herself at the sink and fills the silence with chatter. When she turns around, she takes in the waffles still on my plate, only missing a few bites. I smile apologetically.

“I’m not very hungry this morning.”

“You’ll need your strength for this afternoon.” She bites her lip. She doesn’t like to bring it up over breakfast. I eat another bite.

“I packed your lunch.”

“I’m 18, Mom. I can pack my own lunch. You have more important things to do.”

She reaches for the paper sack. “But now I know you’ll have something to eat. And you need to eat, okay? You have to keep your strength up.”

Sighing, I take the bag. I know this peanut butter and jelly sandwich won’t be eaten, not any more than the one yesterday or the day before. And even if I do eat it, I’ll just throw it up later. Anything consumed after 11 ends up in a plastic basin at 4:07. It’s just the way it works.

“Hon, have you thought about what I said the other day?” she asks.

I shrug noncommittally.

“Sweetheart, you can’t hide this forever. Eventually you’re going to miss school and people will start asking questions.”

“Mom, I have two months left of high school. I can make it ’til then. I’m class president and probably valedictorian. I was voted ‘Most popular,’ ‘Most fun to be around,’ ‘Best smile,’ and ‘Most likely to succeed.’ I’m the girl who’s got it all together. People don’t want to know that the girl who’s got it all together, doesn’t have it all together. People don’t want to know that girl is dying!”

“Honey, don’t say that. You’re not dying.”

“Yes, I am. I have cancer. You heard Dr. Morrison. I have maybe a year left. But that means I can graduate and then never see those people again. I’ll die and they’ll feel sorry for me, but at least I won’t have to endure their pity.”

“But …,” she tries to interrupt.

“Mom, listen to me. I don’t want to be the girl everyone looks at and whispers, ‘Look at her. Poor thing, she has cancer.’ I can’t handle that. I want to be normal. Just for these last two months.”

“Okay,” she whispers. “Okay. Just remember, it’s okay if you don’t have it all together. Sometimes things just fall apart and there’s nothing we can do.”

“Thanks, Mom.” I grab my bag and lunch and kiss her on the cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” my mom replies. This exchange, once taken for granted, is now a vital part of every morning, every afternoon, every night. Three little words, followed by four more, have come to mean more than an entire conversation. They bridge all gaps and disagreements, because we both know there is now a finite number left.

Keys in hand, I open the door and blink in the early morning sun. My silver car waits in the driveway and as I walk toward it, I check my reflection in the tinted window. Perfect.



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This article has 838 comments.


RosyPosie96 said...
on Feb. 18 2012 at 11:10 pm
By the way, I thought this was a truly touching story. I had a close friend die of cancer, so this made me think of her a little. Keep writing!

RosyPosie96 said...
on Feb. 18 2012 at 11:08 pm
Oh. My. God. WILL YOU SHUT UP??? If you don't like it, stop commenting on it! At least some of us have decency in our bodies.

Kaffeine said...
on Feb. 5 2012 at 4:50 pm
Kaffeine, X, Other
0 articles 0 photos 25 comments
I loved this story! It's incredibly well-written, the first paragraph especially.

Mani2x SILVER said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 7:29 pm
Mani2x SILVER, Chicago, Illinois
8 articles 0 photos 52 comments

Favorite Quote:
I was born an original, I'm not going to die a copy.

Wow. It's great & really descriptive. It hinestly brought tears to my eyes.

Dipsy said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 6:07 pm
Dipsy, Cresco, Iowa
0 articles 0 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The only place where success comes before work is in the dictionary"

Wow. The ending, it really surprised me, well actually the whole thing surprised me. Very nice! Keep writing!

knjackson5 said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 4:24 pm
This story is very descriptive and well written. The format is very well planned and I think this story/article could do very well if turned into a book!

on Feb. 4 2012 at 3:37 pm
UnspokenWords21 SILVER, Shelbyville, Illinois
6 articles 1 photo 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Giving up doesn't mean you're weak...it means you are strong enough to let go...

omg! that made me want to cry!!

NightFury said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 3:34 pm
NightFury, Innocence, California
0 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Everyday's a gift and not a given right."

This is great! Keep up the good work!

on Feb. 4 2012 at 2:40 pm
SuperAngel224 SILVER, Cape Coral, Florida
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments
BTW, this story was beautiful I loved it.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 2:39 pm
SuperAngel224 SILVER, Cape Coral, Florida
5 articles 0 photos 4 comments
Your callings us nerds? What about you? Too scared to get an account? And your just wasting YOUR OWN time trolling. So hop off. If only they invented a way to slap someone through a computer.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 2:12 pm
Dolly9471 BRONZE, Berkeley Heights, New Jersey
3 articles 0 photos 35 comments

Favorite Quote:
In the end will will not remember the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Martin Luther King Jr.

WOW! What a lovely story. I encougrage you to keep writing.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 1:36 pm
Bookwizard PLATINUM, Watertown, New York
38 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it was always yours, if it doesn't it never was.

This story is amazing and I love how you described the mother's sadness. I almost cried when she told her mother about everything she had won. And to all you haters out there- if you didn't like the story then you can just say so in a non-rude way. You don't have to put hateful comments because it really hurts when people put those type of comments. I'm not saying you have to like it but don't go around calling us nerds because we thought this story was heartbreakingly awesome.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 1:27 pm
Bookwizard PLATINUM, Watertown, New York
38 articles 0 photos 53 comments

Favorite Quote:
If you love something, let it go. If it comes back it was always yours, if it doesn't it never was.

Me too but I loved how she shifted it.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 12:38 pm
She-who-loves-love SILVER, Tecumseh, Oklahoma
9 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
Once you eliminate the impossible, whatever left, no matter how improbable, must be the truth.
-Sherlock Holmes

I cannot believe how many people are trashing this piece of beautiful writing. You jerks who are completely hating on this, well, then, please. Keep your opinions to yourself. Because I don't know of a single person who wants to hear a great big wad of jerkiness. I don't know anyone who wouldn't love this, either.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 10:07 am
rexyness BRONZE, Belmont, Massachusetts
1 article 5 photos 4 comments
"no one has cancer these days". Really. Why don't you check out the oncology ward at your nearest hospital? I dare you to say that to a balding patient. I dare you to tell that to a family who cries at the bedside of an ailing relative. I dare you to say that to the doctors and nurses who dedicate themsleves to saving these poor people. "No one" has cancer these days? Wow. Dumb.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 9:55 am
Amyelisee BRONZE, Lake Bluff, Illinois
3 articles 8 photos 117 comments
I love it!

on Feb. 4 2012 at 9:51 am
rexyness BRONZE, Belmont, Massachusetts
1 article 5 photos 4 comments
What does? The fact that the main character has cancer? Yes, that does suck. But the story itself is beauiful. Sad, but beautiful.

Hilidan SILVER said...
on Feb. 4 2012 at 3:36 am
Hilidan SILVER, Istanbul, Other
5 articles 0 photos 52 comments
Great.I give u 5/5. You described the mother's sadness very well.Keep writing.

on Feb. 4 2012 at 3:01 am
Novelist05 BRONZE, -, Other
3 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Live like you're going to die tomorrow and Learn like you're going to live forever"

excellent, very sentimental. I love it. Keep writing.

on Feb. 3 2012 at 11:20 am
GingerLily BRONZE, Aulnay-sur-Mauldre, Other
3 articles 6 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world" - Oscar Wilde

I felt like crying towards the end. What a beautiful story.