silent acceptance

February 7, 2009
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Once I?ve got started, I can stop myself no more. I?m in love, through my past years, I was unpopular. After Austin came into my life, my life came alive and full of colors. He?d untied the knot in my heart and gave me the chance to become his girlfriend. I didn?t accept him ?cause I thought he was just joking and making fun of me. But he gave me the feeling of acceptance and tears filled my eyes after everything he did for me. Slowly, my defense toward him got softer. My heart can slowly understand his. His eyes always stares at mine, his opal-green eyes are so beautiful. I got popular eventually, for being his friend. We traded, he teaches me ways to change and look pretty while I teaches him Japanese. This plan went well. He changed me totally from head to toe. One day, while it snowed, he asked me out. I chuckled and nodded in agreement. We went for snow skating, he held my hand and skated with me. But then he stopped and went to buy me ice-cream. We ate our ice-creams but then he knelt down in front of me to ask me to become his girlfriend. I was so stunned that I opened my mouth but I just can?t make voice come out of it. I was scared and shivering. He took off his coat and gave it to me, all he was wearing was a T-shirt. I looked at him kneeling in front of me in a T-shirt, tears trickled down my face. He laughed and said it was okay that I don?t accept him. He left me at the benches, I looked at his tall and handsome back walking further and further away from me. I wanted to go after him and apologize but my feet couldn?t listen to my orders, I cried even harder. I pulled his coat over my body tightly and cried ?till sundown.

For many days Austin didn?t came to school. I knew he was mad at me so I decided to go look for him. I rang his doorbell but his family wasn?t there. I cried and I was so frightened to lose a friend like him. I called his phone with aching and sad heart. He answered, I?m sorry Claire. I couldn?t understand what he meant by sorry. He told me he had went to London with his family. If I accepted to be his girlfriend he?ll stay with me but I did not answer him so he left. I dropped to the ground and cried in the heavy rain. My Technicolor life ended in this short phone call. All ended in a short sorry, he will never know that I actually fell in love with him and my not-answering is a silent acceptance. He never knew. The rain poured all over me and my heart stop pumping. I can?t live without him. I text messaged my parents, Good-bye pops and mom. I took my handbag and walked slowly to the peaceful River of Love, where Austin and I started our story. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of nature. Took in my last breathe and I smiled. I jumped into the lake, hoping that our story can always stay alive although I died. Good-bye Austin, good-bye.





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