I slouch down in my chair and press my right hand against the cold bus window longing for the four hours to pass quickly. I push up against the bus seat covered in filth and wrap my legs into a pretzel form in hopes of comfort to come my way. I glance back from my lap to the window, where the pitch black sky devours the dimness of the street lights and then back at the ground as if it is more interesting down there; which it is not.
The shakey bus glides along the highway exit and moves onto a country street with a faint scent of manure in the air. I look up and sigh in despair as the others in the bus are all asleep. Gazing out the window I lean my head against it and watch as the stars appear. The street lights are getting farther and farther into the distance behind us and the stars begin coming out to play. I glance back at the seat behind me and put a headphone in my ear. The beats of the song like blood flowing through my veins, and I'm suddenly soothed, not a single care.
I grasp my hands in each other for the familiar feeling of tension between my two hands, I push in a fast and swift motion downward on each of the knuckles on my left hand and hear the ever comforting popping noise. I follow the same routine on my right hand and tuck a fallen strand of  brown hair from in front of my face to behind my small pierced ear. I begin to notice the complete darkness surrounding me as we drive further and further into the country roads, except one beam of light coming from somewhere in the sky. Almost like a giant star bestowing light upon my freshly cracked knuckles.
I flip my hands over and watch the light dance in my open palms. I follow the light to the sky and find the moon.
“They’re… moonbeams.” I whisper to myself.
I can feel a smile stretch across my face as I admire the light in my hands and feel the cool night air filling my lungs with each deep breath.
I close my hands and bring the fist to my face and peer inside it to find nothing but darkness inside. The moonbeams shed across my leg and left my hands without a trace. I examine what I can see of my lightless hands, and slowly move them back into the brilliant shade of grey cast upon me, from my finger tips to my forearms. Still smiling, I begin to move my hands back and forth in the illumination, making patterns of light on my legs as it shines between my fingers.
I forget all my worries and struggles, almost as if this calm light is soothing my soul. I tap the beat of my music in the bed of my palm still doused in moonlight and close my eyes. I breathe deeply a few times and examine the feelings of calm, as they aren't around as often as they should be. I take both of my hands and bring my hair up into a messy bun on the top of my head and wrap a stretched black hair tie around the bunch of reckless brown locks. I open my eyes and return from my careless world and stare down at my hands in disbelief.
The light is gone.
The smile fades from my face as I frantically search the sky for the moon, my source of calm has disappeared from my sky. I observe the stars, and the little amount of light they shed. I yank my headphones out and sit on my knees, just enough height to peak above the bus seats. The entire bus dark, moonbeams nowhere to be found. I guess it’s true what they say, if you love something let it go, and if it doesn't come back it was never yours in the first place.
I slump down in my grimy bus seat and push my knees against the seat in front of me. Only three hours longer. I fill my lungs with the cool night air and plug my headphones back in each ear. Being calm wasn’t my thing anyway.