Okay, so there's this guy he's annoying, full of it, presumptuous... I have 4 classes 4 out of 7! I think he's my friend, we joke, we talk but sometimes he'll say something to make me feel inferior. I amnot a fighter. I do not hit or kick. the most I can do is clench my fists or try to make a cutting sarcastic comment that bounces off his rock hard defenses. but this morning after 2 years 3 months and who knows how many days of letting go of everything he says, I cracked. In health class, where they teach you how to deal with your anger, which i find quite ironic I cracked and threw the first things my hands touched, a paperback. I threw it at his face. I cannot truly remember what happened. A rush of adrenaline the throw and then surprisingly, unmistakeably, impossibly i felt tears collecting for absolutely no reason whatsoever. I couldn't let him see my tears, I couldn't let him win. I ran out of the portable, followed closely by my friends. My friends they talked and berated him severely. I smiled, I laughed and soon was back to normal. I stared down at my small hands the ones that threw the book. And realized that bottling up my feelings, holding back my tears doesn't help me with my friends at my side and the book still on the floor (it missed) I smile again and laugh as I see their nonplussed expressions. With a toss of my hair and a click of my boots. I feel like new and I walk in the door to face the world anew.
Facing the world
January 16, 2009