I remember it like it was yesterday leaving the hospital hearing “We can give you a lot of people to talk to if you still feel that way”. From that day forward I’ve been better if you wanna say that. If you haven’t guessed it yet then i’ll tell you i'm suicidal.

I wasn’t always this way until my mom got addicted to heroin real bad and my dad was sick in his head and raped me when I was 10. I always felt there was no way out and that everyone was out to get me. I remember walking in my living room finding my mom high with a bloody needle dripping out of her arm she’s looking at me.
“Honey why don’t you go get something to eat i'm fine”.
I despised her why couldn’t she see that ?

My mom wasn’t always this way she was beautiful and then that one night changed her life forever. She was in her room with her boyfriend I peeked through a creek in the door and watched them do a white powdery substance up their noses. I then ran to my room with tears streaming down my face wondering why ? I felt as though I had no relief “Doesn’t Maria know i'm already hurting my dad raped me and now this ?”
I wanted someone to talk to but why was I afraid ?

I began cutting my arms when I did it, it always lifted some weights off my chest. People would see my arms and call me names but none of them knew my pain. I just wanted what any other kid wanted my age to be loved by my parents, the two people I thought that would never hurt me but they did. I cut so much I hit a vein and ended up in the hospital for a few days. No visitors like anyone was coming anyway but I really felt alone and abandoned. when I got out the hospital I decided to get me some help.

I found a therapist “ You can trust me i'm here to help” she said. I never heard those words before so I felt comfortable. My mom went to rehab and I gained a better relationship with her I forgave her and felt good. I never seen my dad again but I know I didn’t hate him. My therapist told me to forgive people and i’ll feel a lot better and that's what I did.