But, I Digress

July 8, 2015
By Temperance SILVER, Austin, Texas
Temperance SILVER, Austin, Texas
5 articles 0 photos 13 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The facts of this world seen clearly, are those seen through tears." -Margaret Atwood


I find that I am often the source of my own obstacles. The way I am, and the actions I take (or don’t), are detrimental to my existence.  For instance, I never finish what I write. I fear that I might reveal more about myself than I wish others to know. It’s a fear I am incapable of explaining. A paucity of rationality. It is foolish, and complicated. Maybe I could blame a lack of temerity in my writing abilities, but it feels to be more than my insecurities spilling out onto paper; or not spilling. It scares me to think how much non-fiction is in a fictional story.  “Writers reveal more about themselves in their writing than they do their characters”. Crime television taught me that.  If I were to finish a story, and write a perfect ending, it would be erased immediately. The ending I write could be the one key to unlock my true desires that should only be known by the electrical boards in my computer and my-self. My files are filled with stories with no endings and sentences interrupted by nothing; like “That never—“, or “She would dream—“. I wish I could call it “symbolic” or “dramatic effect”, but this is a different intention. Perhaps it is a peculiar trepidation, but does it really differ from a fear of commitment or love? Fear is one of the many things that stop me from living a full life.
Sometimes I just feel like leaping off the top of building just to know the feeling of taking a chance. I have always been cautious; never being secure of my decisions, even if it seems to be the opposite. I am ashamed. Some of us have a quality that lets us act in an instant; not using our brains to make things happen in seconds. I am not one who has this ability. I thought playing it safe would always be easy, and painless. But the latter, (I’m just realizing), is completely wrong. It’s a different pain. You lose friendships, relationships, and loved ones. You lose memories that could have been made, or happiness that could have been gained. I guess I could blame my trepidations, and I guess I am. But what is saddening is that, in this scenario, you can’t blame your friend or parents; there is only yourself. That, (to me), is the worst part. Knowing that it is all of my fault, and no one else’s. It’s also the idea that I am missing so much, and I can’t do anything about it. Sometimes I don’t mind me being reserved, its apart of who I am! But extroverts, they don’t know the pain of watching opportunities go unused because you are afraid.
Truth be told, I have yet to overcome my obstacles. They will always be here with me. But, why I chose to write about this particular issue instead of one I had already resolved is because I know I need work. I know I can find a resolution to my fears, and I want everyone to know that I am trying, and pushing to be the better me. Finding your specific faults is easy, but solving them can take a lifetime, and I am ready to start repairing myself, like an old Mustang.
I admire people who are able to maintain a life of secrecy and mysteriousness. I have an admiration for Salinger and his ability to become a hermit; so recluse. Avoiding the everyday annoyances of people picking and prodding at you for information you don’t wish to share. Even though I admire him, maybe I fear I will become him. To not branch out in school, or to not meet new people. Maybe I fear—
 


The author's comments:

This was written to allow others to feel, and relate to who I am. 


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This article has 6 comments.


ellwist SILVER said...
on Oct. 19 2015 at 3:24 am
ellwist SILVER, Surabaya, Other
7 articles 2 photos 93 comments

Favorite Quote:
"They only let you be this happy when they're preparing to take something from you." -Khaled Hosseini, the Kite Runner.

I liked the Salinger bit there, and especially the ending. Your emptiness reveals your whole--the fear, the quietness, the infallible yet at the same time meaningless. You've revealed more about yourself in the spaces between paragraphs than anyone ever could within words. Good job on this one. The title is especially clever.

on Aug. 15 2015 at 9:00 pm
gladinorsk SILVER, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
7 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2

(I'm not clumsy. I just do random gravity checks...Yep, still works!)

Okay, you said the point of this was "to allow others to feel, and relate to who I am". The forthright style in which this is written, though, does not engage the emotional/connecting side of me. You seem to be just chunking these facts at your reader without giving much of a reason to care. (And, as Andrew Stanton said, "The greatest story commandment is: Make me care.) Also, your second sentence left me thinking, well, duh, everyone experiences that. Or at least us Type Sixes (see my other comment). However, you did have a lot of good elements in here, and you inspire me with your honesty. I especially liked it when your piece went from general to specific, as in when you talked about not finishing your sentences. And the ending was brilliant. You have talent,and I would be honored if you would review and critique my short story The Temple. TeenInk.com/fiction/sci_fi_fantasy/article/810959/The-Temple/

on Aug. 15 2015 at 8:51 pm
gladinorsk SILVER, Broken Arrow, Oklahoma
7 articles 0 photos 19 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." Psalm 16:2

(I'm not clumsy. I just do random gravity checks...Yep, still works!)

First off, let me suggest you google "enneagram type 6". Enneagram is a personality typing system, and much of what you just described sounded to me like the description of a type 6 personality. (I'm a Type 6 myself.)

on Jul. 19 2015 at 9:01 pm
SomeoneMagical PLATINUM, Durham, New Hampshire
22 articles 1 photo 260 comments
Love it. This is a great piece of writing, and it takes a lot of talent to write something this good. I love reading all of your work, especially the poems. Keep up the good work!

on Jul. 17 2015 at 9:23 pm
KatalyticReaction GOLD, Frisco, Texas
17 articles 1 photo 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We need more completely sane people doing completely crazy things.” -Hank Green

Completely agree with @Beila on this. This kind of writing belongs in more of the "Personal Experiences" section of non-fiction. It's, like your title explains, a wandering of thoughts and not a progression of events like a fictional story (and that's the problem; it's not a story). I think you have great writing potential, but if you want to write fiction, then you should focus on building characters and plot rather than a baseless, floating series of tangents. I wish you good luck and all the best in your future endeavors and can't wait to read more of your work!

Beila BRONZE said...
on Jul. 15 2015 at 8:44 pm
Beila BRONZE, Palo Alto, California
3 articles 0 photos 519 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The coldest winter I ever spent was a summer in San Francisco." -Mark Twain

I like what you did with the ending, but on the whole, this piece didn't really capture my attention. Especially as fiction, I think you needed much less telling and more imagery or hinting at things to allow the reader to think in between the lines. At this point, you're just making one statement after the other about yourself, and it even starts to sound melodramatic, even though I realize that the idea behind this piece is honest and real. Work on leaving more up to the reader so that you draw him/her in, thereby making that empty space at the end of the piece that much more effective. Keep experimenting with your writing--you'll find the balance over time.




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