Forget what you are
Forget what you feel
Stand apart but fall together
Nothing ever lasts forever
Rose’s amber eyes snapped open and for a moment, everything just stopped. Not a bird chirped, not a thought processed, nothing. The calm before a storm. The haziness slumber brought quickly faded and overcame her in an tidal wave as reality hit her. She ran a hand through tangled ebony curls, falling to her shoulders as she tried to shake the disease, as if it could give up so easily. She was tired. A tired that wore into her bones and it was not physical. No amount of sleep could cure this sickness within.
What I've become?
What can you see?
That everybody, everybody, everybody's got this disease
Everybody's got this disease
It’s not that anything in particular was eating at her. That was it. She was suffocating, drowning in nothing. It wasn’t that the boys’ or girls she liked at school never liked her; she hadn’t been too much interested in love lately, not since it crumpled her heart like a ball of paper. Her parents were married and kind. She had no enemies. There was no tragic back-story to explain the cause of this pain.
Born with a soul that don’t wanna be saved
Every time I look around I see what a fiend made
She sighed; attempting to push it all away, got up and went downstairs. She’s been swimming through seas of grey for god knows how long. How do you explain something when you don’t know where the beginning is? How do you pinpoint when you started having trouble getting out of bed? When having fun was just too hard? When your energy drains along with your phone battery; all at once.
I've come way too far for this
I've put in too much work
I've dealt with too much hurt
I've worked way too hard for this
This silence rings louder than a bomb. The sink is filthy, plates with bread glued to them like butter and glasses with remnants of the beverage mixed together with soap and water.  The house is vacant except for Rose and the cat nestled against her calf. Even the soft fur didn’t cheer her up at it once did when she was laden in pigtails and happy memories. Rose was wilting on the inside. This silence is loud, overwhelming. Her own thoughts were screaming, god someone stop this she wants to scream, snap this quiet in half. She drops the glass she was holding, watching as it almost methodically split into jagged shards, rocketing out on to the polished linoleum floor.
I'm not really bad; I'm just made up of bad things
I'm really not a mad man, the voices keep asking
Finally, something to ring out and kill that deadly stillness. Finally something to break this perfection, to disrupt this façade.  She smirks as the cat dashes out, hissing softly as it does so, and she notes quietly to herself, what a metaphor it really was. Her smirk is not from joy but from the irony of it all. Quickly she strides toward the entry and in one swift movement, opens the door and exits the house.
The words went right through
And I can't haunt a house
If it haunts me too
It was a chilly day for what was supposed to be spring. The Midwest was cruel like that, you never knew what to expect besides the fact that a good half of it would be winter. She held pulled her thing jacket even tighter around her small figure, hoping to generate some type of warmth. It did not help.
Deep in the black is the place I call home
Taking me back to the place I belong
Grey skies. Grey thoughts. Everything was black and white. Cars whisked by and every time she saw a vision of herself, leaping in front of them and being crushed like a mere insect. These visions scared her but brought her a sense of bliss almost, knowing her monster would be gone then. She witnessed herself being crushed by a succession of endless cars until she was nothing more than a splat of blood on the pavement.
F*** it I'm alone in a world of static
Tragic but I stand alone
With an empty chest it's a dial tone
And I must confess so pick up the phone
Over and over it felt like pure happiness as she saw it and for a moment she took a step closer to the traffic. No. Not like this, not now. Tidal waves of sadness rippled back over her; she wanted to let out a shriek of terror of agony of pain to finally let someone know of her suffering, someone to notice this was not a phase this was reality.
I'll stay away from
This pain I came from
Can't run away from
What's been said and done
Regrets filled her, overwhelmed her, and even compelled her to take another step. Maybe they even fueled her to keep going, the end was in sight. Something was going to change. Something had to get better right?
So easy to hate with no one to love
It's hard to dream what I'm thinking of
So hard to watch when I'm starting to run
Don’t turn yourself in to a cliché she roared internally, scolding the very thought. Who would she tell? Parents thought mental illness equaled hormones. Friends judged drama and over active emotions to be her problem. Nothing serious right? Schools cared about grades not health. Wealth was something they had none of, definitely not enough to fathom the idea of professional help, medication even. Pills so sweet they could numb the blossoming pain she felt. 
And just kept on gunning
Dark heart, dark thoughts
She was starting to get into the busier part of town now. Town was too small a word for it. City was too large. It was a plaza with makeshift stores set up around it. The centerpiece was a large bronze statue. People milled around, children cried and tugged on their mother’s sleeves. It was normal.
Tried to believe, on my knees it's so hard
And they pick and they pull and they tear you apart
But they won't let me go
No they won't let me go
And I'm dying baby, dying baby
Dying so slow
She hummed to the anthem of the broken souls, one she had been singing wholeheartedly for month’s maybe years now. A girl so young shouldn’t have to feel something so big, so heavy, and so evil.
Walk in the world, it's so empty and dull
In the land of the beautiful, beauty is cold
They won't let me go
No they won't let me go
And I'm dying baby, dying baby
Dying alone
Spring was coming, everything should be beautiful everything was blooming into vibrant colors. There should be new hope, new opportunities, new everything. Instead she was still this tattered version of her old self, worn and torn.  The only thing blossoming was her suicidal tendencies.
We're born to live
We're born to die
We're forced to swallow these pills
And to never ask why
She has screamed from mountain tops asking some higher being what kind of trial was this, what type of god could authorize this type of suffering on his children? She wasn’t sure what she believed in anymore.
When you come from nothing
You want to die for something
She entered a grey building, passing all these empty people, living their lives. Some were professional, some looked scattered. She pushed past them and entered the elevator, destination set in mind, her thoughts began to blur and race.
I'm just a victim with this, sickness within
I'm just a memory faded slowly and only the lonely know me
Stand on top of a building so
Staring down now with the world below
Half way to heaven with nowhere to go
Can anybody out there help me?
No
She was packed like a sardine in a can in there, but they all drained floor by floor as it climbed to its top. Up, up, up she was going, a smile creeping across her weary face.
But I can see the gravity
Way up from the sky
We leave the past behind
'Cause we all wanna fly
She reached the roof, now flying solo. She tiptoed over to the edge and peeked over and immediately, she didn’t hurt any more. Gravity would be her savior.
Gravity can't stop
The hope and the have-nots
She gathered her courage, every negative thought flying through her broken mind, building up the pain so high the impact hurt less. When she stepped over, it was the freest she’d ever felt. Free falling, open air she was in control for once. The concrete raced toward her, smacked her, crushed her bones and disfigured her small figure into something grotesque. The whole world stopped, screamed and cried at the loss of another lost soul. For once, everything wasn’t so pretty.
This artery's a part of me
And blood is all I'm gonna be
I'm gonna see concrete
Bottles and bad dreams
I'm everything and anything
A memory that never leaves