Going Numb | Teen Ink

Going Numb

April 26, 2015
By R.smiles SILVER, Frisco, Texas
R.smiles SILVER, Frisco, Texas
5 articles 7 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Today is the tomarrow we worried about yesterday.

As a salty tear fell from my face, I look at her, the best mother in the world. My only mother in the world. Gone… taken… never to return. She is lost forever, I am alone now forever. Finally, I let go and start wailing, bawling, no longer ashamed of crying, nor did I have the strength to hold it back and hold on. After all, what could I hold on to? Looking at that last picture of her with her dirty blond hair, blue eyes, brown freckles, rosy cheeks free from any dimples I noticed that her pink blouse contrasted beautifully with her cork screw curls that ended at shoulder length. They were perfect for the chest and up photo that I couldn’t take my eyes off of. Upon her neck, a golden Star of David hung. I had gotten it for her, that day, as a 37th birthday gift. Dad’s gift was a trip to Hawaii. Kind of hard to beat that. Suddenly that photo escaped from the tack that bound it into the bill board. It fell like the rain outside, only the photo lingered in the air. Swish, Swish, Swish. Left, right, left, right… rocking back and forth, it danced around in the air, teasing me. It fell at a painfully slow rate. It`s as if that last photo of her resembled her life. Slowly drifting away, yet at the same time too soon, too fast. Then, with the softest tap, it landed almost gently but in a sarcastic way as if the photo was evil itself taunting me, watching me, mocking me, enjoying my suffering. However, I just sat there as it had fallen made no attempt to catch it. I was not going to be as foolish as the people who try to pick up a dollar bill off the street, only to fall on their faces when it is pulled forward just beyond their grasp, by a fishing pole help by someone in the bushes. No, I am not going to fall for it again and think I can save her. After all everyone always said
“There was nothing you could do. There was nothing you could do.”
“No! There is always something you can do.” I would shout back at them. Sighed, shook their heads, then slowly turned around and walked away. That’s what they would do. So I gave up believing, hoping, trying, praying, for her to come back. Because mom was gone, so why should I try to save any part of her anymore. Too much was gone. It was no use.

     I know that in a moment of crisis the human brain shuts off pain receptors if the body has been severely injured in order to survive. I know that for a fact I had seen it happen before. So, I sat there thinking of all the hurt, hoping that, eventually, it would be enough to make me just go numb.

The author's comments:

I was cleaning my room when I noticed my mom`s picture fell off my bill board. It started raining outside and then the idea struck me. To compare the picture of my mom to her life as if the picture of her falling was her dieing. 

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