I TOLD YOU I WAS BROKEN I TOLD YOU I CAN’T BE FIXED WHY DIDN’T YOU LISTEN TO ME! Why didn't you listen to me?

I was pleading for your help I WAS SCREAMING FOR SOMEONE ANYONE, i was screaming for you.

I get it you were busy off in your own screams focusing on your own demons. I should have known you were not really there for me i should have known that your only comfort was to tell me you were. Tell your self that you were.BUT YOU WERE’NT, YOU’RE NOT. That’s fine be off in your own world but why must  i be a part of the act. Why must i pretend that you do comfort me, that i find my comfort in you. Why am i pretending to find my comfort in you so you can find your comfort in me.

Fine i will carry  your burdens. I will carry all burdens of those who need it, but…if you don't mind me asking, who will carry mine?

I am like a clown with too many balls to juggle. I cannot drop one, that will ruin the whole show. How sad is that? Life has become a show. As the current opens you see t into a person who is perfectly fine but when the intermission comes that when the brake down happens.

Would it not make more sense for me to end the show before that? Because unfortunately it is not a good show and most people will leave before it is over. Therefor does the intermission count as the end. If I quit before I was meant to, does it all still end. Well that depends.

Is there a after life? There certainly is a heaven and hell what would be the point in living if there wasn’t. My God saved me but I cannot save my God. My God does not need to be saved but people are not God, so I shall save them. But if my God saved me then he certainly saved them. Why can’t they see that those burdens they are depending on me to carry are saved.

Quick tell them to stop drowning tell them to start swimming for they are saved. Yet they don't swim like it, they look like they are still drowning. Shall i leave them? no i must help. I alway must help. I will offer it even if you don't need it. I will try and save you even if you are already saved. All of my energy will go towards rescuing you. How do i stay a float as i save you? I hold you as i swim bring you to shore hop out save you then hop back in for the next victim and the next and the next, in till i am to tried to swim, will someone help me?

  I see a hand but it is the same one everyone else rejected i will try and grab it but i am to scared will someone that i helped come help me? pleas? No. okay. I will die here those who are drowning can use my body to float. Take pieces of me to replace the ones that are broken.

So no one came back, why didn't i take the hand.

Because i would not be able to repay it. It is not that i am so generous that i must help all. So is this me or is this what i aspire to be. I can’t just be used, i am a person and i do have feelings. I wish i didn’t i wish i could help you all the time i wish i had no feelings i wish oh how i wish.I am sorry that all that comes to mind i am sorry  not in self pity. i am sorry to you i am sorry i truly am .