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See Through

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It's raining outside. Cold, and wet. I shiver letting the drops of rain fall into the creases of my forhead. Why was it so hard for mom to drive me today? I mean, its not like she had anything better to do.

-"Gas kills our ecosystem Ilona, do you want you'r grandchildren to live in a world with gas as air?"-

Blahblahblah, it's not like i'm going to have kids anyway. My younger brother Zane was too much for me and he was only two years old. Imagine what it was like when he was younger. Crazy thought.

I sludge on my purple rain boots and make my way down our walk way. Mom's been negleting the yard, weeds growing everywhere, covering her new flowers, suffocating them. They'll die soon too, hope mom doesn't notice, it will give her one more metophore for global warming.

My bus stop consists of three other people than myself. Mary, the girl i grew up with but never spoken to eachother. Jacob, the boy who makes art out of his bubble gum. And Hyler, the a**hole.

Hyler and I met in kindercare. Miss. Robinson was at the board drawing bats and pumpkins. It must have been around halloween, i remember the air smelled like dried corn husks and pumpkins. Hyler sat at the table next to me, always laughing, what a happy kid. I was the girl who ate the glue, kicked the kids, jumped on desks, and ran with siccors. I was an oddball, not many friends except for Hyler. Our parents insisted on making us friends. So when you spend every minute with someone you can't really be mean.

"Honk Honk"

The bus was here, five minutes late as usual. Yeah sure, i love standing the cold rain. Its my favorite.

Everyday you would be able to smell beer in the aroma of the bus. Great, a drunk busdriver, i'm soak and wet, and my boots are squeaky. Another reason for people to look at me. Great.

I sit in the back everyday. I'm not a people person. Everyone sits with their clicks; Football team; basketball team; dance team; gothic kids; and myself.

I've been offered so many times to sit with them, but everytime i turn them down.

Why would i want to sit with anyone? I arrive at school, safe. I walk down that long isle where only a skinny b**** would be able to get down. Squeazing myself like a toothpaste tube down the passage. I get down to the door, and trip.

"Ahhhhhh.....[kerplump]"

Eyes closed, i begin the get up, waiting for the laughter to start. I stand up fully errect now, and yet still no laughter. I begin to squint my left eye open, afraid to make eye contact. Never look an attack dog in their eyes. No one is there.

A couple of kids walk by talking about their weekends, not even looking in my direction. Even the bus left. A sense of relief flooded my viens. Then came the depression. Not that i don't love not having anyone here to make fun of the oddball who just tripped out of the bus. It's just that knowing that no one cared enough to stay and help, make sure that i'm okay. I was nothing, i was air, see through. Aching pain started in my chest, slowing migrating up towards my eyes.

This sensation i've never felt it before. This pain has never been mine....





I'm a nobody. It doesn't matter if i'm dead or alive. The world will have no effect when i pass on. With a shurg and a whipe of the eyes, i gather my belongings and start my day as the insivisble girl. A ghost. Nothing more.




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