He Bleeds Ink, Blue like Ink

December 12, 2008
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He walked out of his English class letting the door swing shut behind him. As soon as he entered the hallway through the door he flipped open his cell phone to check the time. The time read in its digital print 12:00 pm. Every Thursday at that time he went to meet Victoria when she got out of choir. They met each other in this small college, and he wrote many poems for and about her since that day.

Gory really didn’t care about college although he had the money to pay for more than community schooling. His grandfather, who brought him up into the world, died less than a year ago leaving Gory everything he had.

Gory’s step quickened in order to get to the choir room on time. Only a few times has Gory missed Victoria and spent the rest of the day after that hunting her down. This time was different. This time he had to be there on time. Gory for a long while had feelings for Victoria, but only yesterday did she admit her feelings in a kiss. Most times this would be a good thing. The catch to Gory’s situation is Victoria is engaged to a Marine.

The knowledge of her engagement has caused Gory to struggle with a certain decision. She’s in a relationship with an officer of a military branch, and it wouldn’t be fair to take her from him when he isn’t in the country. Then there is also the plain fact he chose a job that takes him away; does he expect her to be lonely for him? Then there is the question, should Gory give up the only girl who has ever cared about him and be alone like he knew he was going to be?

The hallway echoed his footsteps as he reached his destination. He set down his writer’s bag he always carried. Its weight gave him a relief every time he set it down. He saw Victoria and saddled the weight back on his shoulder. She didn’t see him or ignored him whether she saw him or not. As she was walking away Gory again pushed his pace to catch up to her.

“If I wasn’t mistaken I’d think you were stalking me,” she said jokingly.
“I need to talk to you,” Gory said, trying to force a serious conversation.
“Go ahead were talking,” she said seemingly not to care where they were when they had this serious talk. To Gory’s surprise she didn’t want to find a place to sit or stop. She was fine with walking and talking.
“It’s about yesterday, and your fiancé, and me, and what is going on inside your head?” Gory threw his words out hoping she would catch on. She pulled her head back, stopped, and leaned on a wall. At first a still silence, then she turned from the white brick wall with tears down her face.
“I don’t know,” came from her mouth in a squeak of frustration. “I don’t know. I just don’t know. I thought I loved him, and now I feel that way about you.” Gory turned his head because internally he was fighting himself. He needed to know, but he didn’t want to cause her so much pain.
“I’m sorry I’m just confused about the situation. I didn’t mean to stress you out,” Gory said trying to relieve some of the pressure he applied. She was just as confused. She turned and tried walking away, but Gory grabbed her. Victoria, still in tears, tried pushing him away, but he held on tight knowing she would calm down and cry on his shoulder.
Then there it was her head on his shoulder, weeping, and her arms tight around him. The pushing was over, and now all that was left was sadness accompanied by confusion. Gory felt the same way she did which was evident in his tight grasp around Victoria.
Gory thought intently; he knew the way she felt and he knew he felt the same, but he also knew she was engaged to another guy. It wouldn’t be proper or morally right to break up somebody’s engagement. What did he know? This was one of the only people he had ever been real close with. One of the only people he ever loved, but to him all that mattered was her happiness. Ever since they met his knowing her had caused her more problems. Gory knew how he could make her happy. He also knew it would first hurt her. It would be one of the hardest decisions he would ever make.
He pulled Victoria out from under himself and looked her in her blue eyes that he could never stop thinking about. His green eyes started to water, and he tried to say it, but couldn’t. Tears started running down his face, and blurts of frustration came out.
“We should stop talking to each other! Cut me out of your life,” Gory said.
“I understand,” came squeaking out of Victoria’s vocal cords. He tried walking away, but his legs wouldn’t move. His face red and as wet as her face, both faces dripping water.
“I’m trying to move, but my legs are stuck. Books make this seem so much easier,” Gory said.
“Well, this isn’t one of your stories.” Victoria fell against the wall just to end up sitting on the floor with her arms and face in her lap. She was squeaking and blubbering as much as Gory. Then after a few minutes Gory regained control of his legs and stopped and turned before leaving.
“Goodbye Victoria Grim, and have a good life,” he said just barely getting it out of his mouth. Gory then walked strangely down the hall forcing his legs to move even though they were getting numb. He was angry and frustrated and he didn’t understand why he had to push the best thing in his life out of it. Gory didn’t like society’s rules that made him step aside for another man because that man was in her life first.
He cried his way to this nook in the wall filled with four blue couches. Gory went and lay on the couch farthest over, sitting by the window, after setting his bag down by the couch. He laid there curled up letting out all of his pain. He tried holding back the whole time, but there was too much hurt in his mind. His head ached and he lost the strength in his legs. Gory’s hands felt cold, too cold.
He slowly got up from lying and switched to sitting as he leaned down to get his yellow papered notebook. While he did this the muscles in his hand fought against him. His red face got wetter as he realized he was losing the feeling in his hands. Gory forced one of his numb hands into pulling a pen out of his pocket.
A boy in the hallway was in the middle of a conversation when he heard Gory’s juts of pain and frustration. Gory recognized the boy walking in the nook as his friend Equinox. The one person he grew up with and relied on. They took swimming lessons together and if Gory didn’t know something Equinox would know it for him.
“Are you okay? What’s wrong?” Equinox asked. Gory’s hand was to the yellow page of the notebook as he tried forcing his blue appendage to write, but his hand wouldn’t move. Most of the skin on his hands stayed blue, other than on his fingers, which were turning purple. The blood in his body wasn’t flowing into his frozen hands. From the wrists down his hands were stuck.
“I’m trying to write and I can’t write. My hand won’t move. I need to write; it’s all I have left,” Gory answered. The veins in his arms were popping up. He was trying to move his hands, but they wouldn’t write.
“Why do you need to write? What’s wrong? What happened? Please tell me. What happened?” Equinox asked. Gory wiped both his tears and his long dark bangs from his face with the stubs he called hands. He struggled on whether to tell his friend this delicate information and then decided to trust him.
“Victoria is getting engaged, and she cares about me, and I care about her, and I told her it would be best if we cut each other out of our lives for good. Never talk to her again. Not even a ‘hi’ or ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye.’”
“Gore, that’s hard, and yeah maybe you should write, but try not to stress out about it,” Equinox said.
“First my grandpa dies and now I’ve lost Victoria. Why doesn’t god just take my life while he’s at it?”
“I’m sure it ain’t that bad.”
“Face it Nox, relationships never last. People die or lose touch or disappear or get into arguments. Relationships don’t last. They just come and go,” Gory said. Equinox rubbed his head and then stopped.
“So you think people should all be alone and give up hope on the world because of loss. It’s a regular part of life. All you can do is deal withit. Try writing again and try to relax,” he said. Gory focused on the yellow page, but his only thoughts were on his blue hand shaking in protest to his writing. In desperation Gory tried to use his hands’ shaking to write. He still had no luck.
His fingers started to move against his will. He dropped the pen and could no longer control his hands. All his digits started to lock in strange unnatural positions. Both Gory’s hands wouldn’t move like they were part of a human statue, composed of bone, flesh and blood, but cold and stiff like a rock. The only control left in his hands was a twitch he could force through his fingers.
His pen fell, landing on the page only leaving a blue dot on the yellow paper. The dried tears of sadness came flowing back as tears of anger. Soon his tears washed the blue dot from the yellow page, and soon the twitch wasn’t possible.
He thought of Victoria’s sweet voice and all those talks he had on the phone with her. He remembered all the strange things they talked about. The tone of her voice when she thought she was right and the laugh she would give when she found something intriguing or funny. The laugh was stuck in his head.
Gory remembered his grandfather and how he used to call him “Groucho” because Gory’s bushy eyebrows reminded his grandfather of Groucho Marx.
“Hey Groucho, come here,” his grandfather would call and he would come running. Gory had nobody to come running to anymore.
Gory fell to the floor with the laugh and his grandfather calling him stuck in his head. Equinox just stood there as if he didn’t know what to do or say. The yellow page still empty and Gory’s hands were still frozen.

“Hey you pretty-eyed girl,
You’re the most beautiful girl in the world,
And I can’t believe you’re looking at me.
No, I can’t believe you’re looking at me.
When you’re blue I feel down,
So be happy.
Because pretty-eyed girl,
You’re the most beautiful in the world,
So be happy-
Pretty-eyed girl,” Gory sang.

This was a lullaby he had written for Victoria and this is what he started to repeat over and over. He wanted to write, but his hands were mentally super-glued in place.
Gory got off the floor and started to pace and repeat the lullaby at the same time. His green eyes would take breaks from pouring water, but as he paced his eyes came off break and filled with water again. Gory held his hands in front of him, looking down at them from the beginning of the pacing. After a little time his pace slowed down and grunts came from his mouth. He then decided shear will power wasn’t enough and then whipped his hands against the wall hoping that would solve the problem.
Equinox came running over and grabbed Gory and pulled him away from the wall onto a couch.
“That won’t fix anything. Stop. Calm down try to focus and relax. Think of somethin’ happy,” Equinox said. Gory’s muscles were hurting due to his long period of trying to move his hands.
“The muscles in my arms hurt. It’s killing me,” Gory said.
“I told you to relax. Stop you’re just wearing your arms out.”
“But it hurts.”
“I know. Just relax,” Equinox said. Gory wasn’t breathing as heavy as before, and his eyes gave up pouring for that moment. Equinox picked up Gory’s notebook and pen, and brought it to Gory sitting on the couch. He then forced the notebook into one of Gory’s stiff hands and forced the pen into the other. The notebook was being held up mainly by Gory’s knee which was fine due to the fact that the weakness in his legs never lasted that long.
“Tell me what you’re thinking. Not the person or object, but describe a happy thought to me,” Equinox asked.
“Long straight auburn hair that almost looks red, blue diamond eyes, pale skin, and the sweetest voice you’ve ever heard,” Gory said.
“Go on…”
“She was wearing yellow which strangely complimented her blue eyes. A yellow shirt with yellow sweat pants. I never liked yellow until I met her.” Victoria, Gory’s haunting thought, was oddly his happy thought. “I remember this argument we had. She said blue M

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