PUSH! | Teen Ink

PUSH!

July 31, 2014
By JacobTheOrdinary PLATINUM, Rancho Cucamonga, California
JacobTheOrdinary PLATINUM, Rancho Cucamonga, California
43 articles 0 photos 38 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Fiction is the lie that tells the truth."


I stood on the edge and I jumped. I was pushed. Yeah, I know I just said I jumped, I was pushing the edge though. I was pushed to and past the breaking point. I've always been pushed. I was pushed out of the house when my parents told me to get a life. I was pushed away when I tried to hit on the girls at bar. I was pushed into the gutter by more muscular men. Hell! I was pushed in the halls of high school when I just wanted to get to my next class. I'm just a pushover man. I would get up just get pushed over again until I just laid on the ground knowing that if I get up I would get push back down. See, I got pushed to the edge. That's why I jumped or at least wanted to jump. I was always too cowardly to push back or to jump. I've always relied on getting pushed around to guide me through life. Now, it pushed me to the edge. I need to rely on myself now and not my dependability. It's now time, jump off the edge or push back.


The author's comments:
I found this short piece fun to write. It includes troubles in suicide and bullying which no one should have to deal with but, thanks to society, is more common than it should be. Also, no. It has no connections to Say Anything's song "Push" but that's still a good song.

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This article has 5 comments.


ZealousHeart said...
on Aug. 30 2014 at 8:09 pm
ZealousHeart, St. Joseph, Missouri
0 articles 0 photos 11 comments

Favorite Quote:
Here we are, trapped in the amber of the moment. There is no why.

The sentence that begins "I would get up" is a run on sentence. It needs a comma in there. In fact, you could use commas more often throughout your work. As for your story, I understand the concept I just didn't enjoy it that much. 

pprudhon GOLD said...
on Aug. 17 2014 at 7:49 pm
pprudhon GOLD, San Jose, California
10 articles 0 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live."
-JK Rowling (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone)

I liked that way it was very abrupt and choppy almost, it really added to the feeling of a person who's been, for lack of a better word, pushed his entire life and is going through is head while he's on a cliff.  The only thing I would say is to be careful when proofreading, you had a few typos and grammar mistakes but nothing big.  Keep writing :)

on Aug. 15 2014 at 4:42 pm
readaholic PLATINUM, Tomahawk, Wisconsin
27 articles 0 photos 426 comments

Favorite Quote:
I'd rather fail because I fell on my own face than fall because someone tripped me up
~Jhonen Vasquez

Your grammar kind of confused me at first (especially the third sentence).  Also, maybe try to use the word "just" less (you use it twice in one sentence, even).  I like your message, but I feel like you could use a little more description to make it more interesting

Longlegs GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2014 at 12:59 pm
Longlegs GOLD, Greeneville, Tennessee
16 articles 0 photos 84 comments
You need to mix up the lengths and kinds of sentences you use and the sentences beginnings. Don't just say "I did this...I jumped, I was pushed, etc". The short sentences in the beginning grab the reader into the story, but when they continue, it gets boring. So yeah, more variety would be great. And remember that your reader is not dumb; you do not need to repeat some things over again. Make sense? I hope this helps. And please keep writing!

EttieGH GOLD said...
on Aug. 15 2014 at 3:03 am
EttieGH GOLD, Mbabane, Other
15 articles 2 photos 46 comments
That's a good story:) I really enjoyed t, it just had a few grammatical errors, but nothing big... It was really amusing.


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