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Fractions

4 divided by 16 is .25.
This equals 25%. One fourth. One fourth of my life so far has been wasted on you. Completely, utterly wasted. There is nothing good that has come of those four years that I spent pining after you so intensely like you led me to believe that I should. Not a damn part of it mattered to you. But how was I to know that nothing would make a difference? I was under the impression that you cared enough about me that you would understand the reasons behind my words and actions. I never stopped for one second to ever ponder what I should do if I discovered that I was wrong. I simply put that possibility out of my mind; I was sure that it couldn’t be real. Now all I can do is shake my head at my own stupidity.
I do not think I would be as ashamed of myself if only my life had been affected. But this is not the case. I think very little of my own life; it means next to nothing. But the lives of others are precious, especially the life of the other one that you manipulated. I can easily cast myself aside, but I weep for him. The lies you constructed and fed to him are so despicable, so disgustingly elaborate, that I question if you have any ability to express any sort of empathy. I fear the answer to that question, for I already know what it must be.
I can only wonder now what my life would have been like if I had not come across the fallacies that were your words. I suppose I would be much more stable now. I would like to think that he and I would have spoken more than two words to each other since the breakup two years ago. I think we would have still been friends. Maybe we wouldn’t have even broken up right then. Our relationship deserved more than a month. Much, much more.
It is amazing how one little set of lies can change the entire future. The things I have been through since the event would surely not have taken place if I were not under the impression that your words were filled with pure truth. I put myself in situations too horrid to describe in an effort to alleviate the pain. Now I am forced to support the weight of the memories and carry the scars that I gave myself with no real reason at all.
Of course, I cannot blame you for everything. I blame you entirely for the disturbing social experiments you devised that included taking control over my life and wrecking it without a second thought. However, I cannot really blame you for the way I felt about you in the beginning, before you revealed your true colors. My interest in you was not entirely your fault. You just happened to be there when I was in need of a crutch. There was nothing special about you that drew me in. It was simply timing; good timing for you, bad timing for me. But I suppose none of that is either of our faults. However, you had a choice. You could have easily left me alone, and him too. It would have been simple for you to let me be once you were aware that I had no remaining longing for you. Sure, we could be friends. It’s not like we were anything different, right?
But of course not. It can never be that easy, can it? You just had to do it the hard way. You just had to stay and wait for the relationship to fall apart like you knew it would after you pushed it in that direction with your poisonous words. After he and I parted, it was easy for you to insert you back into the equation and make me fall for you again. It was faster this time, since you already knew just what I was looking for. With such powerful knowledge, I had no way of stopping you this time around, and you knew that. You knew that, and you took advantage of it.
What did you expect to become of him? The one I was supposed to be with was suddenly thrown aside. Do you know what happens when two halves are separated? Of course you don’t. You are your own other half, for you have no desire to be close to another person. You’d much rather force everyone else to be alone, like you, than to conform to the ways of the rest of us. But you are too blind to see that when two halves are separated, the world darkens for them until they either find each other again, or grow and change so that they fit with someone else. Those changes don’t happen overnight. We were both left in the dark, searching for each other in the forms that were destroyed by you.
Now that everything is out in the open, you have nowhere to run. We have found your secret out by simple chance, but that little bit of luck was all we needed. Now we can decide what to do with you. We have decided that you deserve to feel the same pain that you inflicted onto us. You took our other halves, so now, we must take yours. And finally, for the first time in your miserable, worthless life, you will understand that, while it is possible to survive, it is impossible to truly live as a fraction.



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