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Love & Sacrifice
It all started the day Bryan met my mother. I had told her not to make a fool out of herself and to just stay quiet. As Bryan approached my house I started to blush. I was afraid for him to meet my mom because I never introduced her to a boy that looked like Bryan. He looked like a hood n*gga and I usually showed my mom boys who looked nerdy in a cute bad boy image. It’s hard to explain, but I felt like she wouldn't like him.
“Bryan this is my mom. Mom this is my boyfriend, Bryan,” I stated. They both exchanged a greeting but the vibe was awkward because my mom was just staring at him without talking. “Well okay then. We’re gonna go to Lenny’s house now,” I added.
“It was nice meeting you,” Bryan asserted.
“Likewise,” my mom added as she nodded her head waving her verizon flip phone in her hand with a serious expression planted on her face.
Bryan and I walked across the street and as we began to walk up the stairs he asked “Do you think she liked me?”
“Yeah,why?” I implored.
“I feel like she doesn’t. Did you see how she looked at me” he hinted.
“Okay, babe, relax. You’re overthinking it,” I replied. We waited a few minutes for my older sister lenny to ring us in. “Hey guys! How did it go?”
“It went fine,” I announced as I turned my head to eye Bryan. He just nodded in agreement but i could see in his eyes he disagreed with me. Lenny stood with her husband and friends in the room while Bryan and I laid together on the living room couch watching movies. Time always flies by when I’m with Bryan , next thing you know he had to start heading home.
“Aw babe, I don't want you to leave,” I confessed as I held him tight in my arms not wanting to let him go.
“Me neither babe, but I have to that train ride is going to kill me,” he stated as he rubbed his eyes. We left the building and I walked him to the Elder train station. Bryan used to live close by me, but he moved to Brooklyn with his grandma because he was having issues with his mom. I still lived in the Bronx so it’s kind of difficult for me to see him all the time, but we both were willing to make things work. His train would arrive in four minutes. He knew I was sad, so he gave me a gentle kiss and a quick hug. “I love you sexy,” he declared with a smile .
“I love you more,” I replied. I watched as he walked up the stairs to catch his train. I hate when he leaves me I thought. I wish he could stay by my side all the time.
At that time, Bryan, and I had been together for four months. Now we’re about to make that eight. Everything was going fine until I came home one day with a hickey. My mom found that disrespectful. “Let me not see another mark on you!” she shouted “What are you, a cow? He has to mark you or something?” I knew I would get yelled at, but I couldn't deny his hickeys. They gave me this feeling. Man did I love them. I told him about it, but he didn't stop. He wanted everyone to know he owned me because he had trust issues. I guess that’s where everything went downhill slowly. My mom then saw a picture I posted on Facebook with me smoking weed with him. That just added more fire to the flames. She wanted me to bring Bryan to the house so we all could talk, but she mainly wanted to talk to him.
“If I see another hickey on my daughter you will never see her again and I can promise you that,” she proclaimed. Bryan and I made eye contact admitley. What my mom said had gotten me upset. Why would she even say something like that I thought. “Yes, I understand,” he added. From there on things were alright. She didn't really talk to him about the picture she told me about. She made a big stink as if he was influencing me to smoke which he wasn't because I started way before I even met Bryan as a friend, but she didn't know that of course that was my secret. I knew my mom disliked him, but she did respect my relationship, so I just left it at that. School was soon to come and I was aroused because Bryan had trust issues and anything I did wouldn’t solve anything. In his eyes what he said was always right. He was too blind to see he had a good caring faithful girl. I didn't really blame him because his past relationships caused him to be the person he is now. However , there were two girls he thought he was in love with that cheated and lied to him, but I hated the fact he would compare me to them . Anything I said he would reply with “They told me that to.” I just felt like punching him in his face, but i simply remained calmed and just decided to put up with his foolishness. The way I felt towards Bryan I never felt like that for no boy. He really is my first love and he made me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. He was the one, my prince I had been waiting on.
Depression soon took the best of me and overcame me. I felt like my prince was going to leave his princess like he had in the past due to his fear of being cheated on. I would tell him how I felt and he would promise me he wouldn't leave me and that he would hold me down no matter what. That uneasiness I felt haunted me so much. Every morning I was in suspense to check the text messages he would send me. I didn't know whether he would write me “good morning beautiful” or “it’s over”. Now don't get me wrong, my relationship with Bryan was amazing. Last summer we spent almost everyday together. We even went to Coney Island twice. He was afraid to get on some rides, but he ended up going on them with me to make me happy. We also saw fireworks together as we ate our burgers with lemonade standing on the beach sand. Every Time I looked into his eyes I could see my future with him.
On September 8th I went to go see him at Brooklyn. It was on a Sunday. I could tell by the way he was acting towards me that either something was wrong or something was bothering him. The vibe wasn't the same. I felt like I wasn't even present .
“Whats wrong?” I insisted.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired,” he kept repeating. I knew for a fact he was lying but I couldn't comprehend what could possibly be bothering him.
“Are you serious? Tomorrow is the first day of school and you gonna act like this?” I barked.
“You will be okay. It’s only four days you not seeing me,” he returned.
That’s when I knew something was on his mind. The past weeks all we had been stressing over was the fact that we couldn't see each other everyday. This was because he had night school and I had dayschool. By the time I come out of school he's entering it. Bryan and I would usually cuddle, kiss, and chat, but none of that occurred that day. When I leaned in for a kiss or kissed him he either moved his head or didn't kiss me back. When I tried to make a conversation he wouldn't answer with interest. He would reply with one word. I got fed up and I yelled, “If you gonna leave me do it now don't wait till I get home to text me it.” He laughed while shaking his head and I got up and went directly to the bathroom. I slammed the door and locked it. I literally felt like breaking down, bursting with tears, but my pride didn’t let me. I just unlocked the door and sat on the floor trying to figure out what went wrong. I slowly got up took a deep breath and went back to the living room where he sat observing the television as if there were no tomorrow. Right then and there I wanted to go home. There was nothing left for me to say.
. “Get the f*** up,” I announced in an angry tone. Bryan can be very impulsive, but he just got up and walked me downstairs. As we passed the barbershop where his uncle was at with one of his bros Bryan decided to tell me he’s gonna holla at me later. I grabbed his arm and told him “No, why can't you finish walking me to the train station like you always do? Now that you see your uncle and his bro you wanna make a show?” He just shoved me and told me he’s gonna holla at me later and that I could walk the rest of the way myself. Man, did I feel like pushing that boy into traffic. I just picked up my sweater that fell to the floor and walked away hoping he would come after me, but he didn't. He let me leave. As I was halfway down the train station steps, it hit me like a bat hitting a ball on full speed. I realized why he was switching up on me. It was because school was the following day.
I took my phone out of my pink purse and texted him “Are you serious right now?” and he texted back “Very, you knew what time it was already.” I felt my heart drop to my knees. I couldn't believe what I just read. I admittedly called his phone, he answered. “Come see me at the train station. We have to talk.”
“Nah, I’m good. I’m at the barbershop. I been gone already. I told you what I had to say,” and he banged it on me. I didn't know my way around Brooklyn very well. All I knew was how to get to the corner store and back to his house. I called up his grandma and told her what had happened. She agreed on walking me to the barbershop. His face was priceless. I knew he wasn't expecting me to show up, especially because he knows I don't know my way around here. I didn't tell him I had spoken to his grandma, I just told him I remembered my way from the last time he had taken me with him. Nothing I said that day changed his mind. It was like he was waiting for this day to come. His mind was already made up and that broke my heart because he knew how I felt about him. I closed my eyes and flash backs of all the promises he made to me appeared and in my mind all I kept thinking about was how stupid I was for believing him. It got to the point that I couldn't take it anymore and I punched him behind his head as I was walking out of the shop with his uncle. Bryan had decided that his uncle would walk me back to the train since he wouldn't be done with his haircut until an hour. Now he made me wait until his haircut was finished and commanded his uncle not to take me no where. I knew I had made the situation worse but I couldn't accept the fact there was no more us and I didn’t visualize him have any pain when he told me to my face we were over. In my mind hitting him would’ve made him feel some type of way. “I got something for you. Just wait till I’m done off this chair. We gonna talk. I’m not even gunna make a show in here,” he emphasized. I just wanted to run up to him and sit on his lap and hug him with all my strength while whispering in his ear how much I love him and how sorry I am, but the boy who sat in that chair was not the Bryan I fell in love with. That was a whole different kind of Bryan. I messed s*** up even more by hitting him, but i didn't know what else I could do. He seemed perfectly fine while I was hurting.
It was 11 pm and my mom wanted me to be home around eight, but I couldn't just leave without attempting to get Bryan back, so I texted my mom saying I had to deal with a problem and that I’d be home late. Bryan walked out the shop with his uncle and I walked at the same speed, but I was nervous because he was upset. I didn't think he would hit me, but I knew he would hurt me verbally or might just push me. Nothing major. We argued from the barber shop all the way back to his house. He kept bringing up irrelevant things that I done with my exs and that made me even more angry. he kept shouting and then I started to shout even louder. It seemed like it aint matter that we was outside and people could hear us we just kept yelling saying everything we felt. “Take your *ss back home to the Bronx and don't ever come back.” he yelled.
“I won't. You're irrelevant!” I shouted
The majority of the things he said I didn’t care about because I knew he was mad, but what I didn’t expect was when he called me a thot. That made my blood rise and my heart scatter into a million tiny pieces. “I’m not no thot, Bryan. Watch your mouth!” I shrieked, pushing his chest. I guess he saw my reaction and knew what he said affected me. He held me from behind tight. “Let me go,” I moaned.
“Do you really want me to?” he asked already knowing my answer.
“No,” I sobbed.” “ima walk her to the train bro, I’ll see you in the house.”
“Aight, bro,” his uncle added waving goodbye at me. I waved back. We walked in silence, the cool breezy air hitting against my face kind of made me feel better because all I did was cry and I felt like I wasn't going to win him back. All my hopes were gone. “Melanie,” he whispered. I turned around and replied with “What?”
“I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have said that and I should've have broken up with you in a mature way.” I was speechless so I just nodded my head. He leaned in for a hug, I didn’t want to even look at him, but I rushed into his arms and wished that he’d never let me go. We finished walking to the train and when we got there it said my train would arrive in 8 minutes. I would always stand next to him and we would usually hug or say cute things to each other as I would wait for my train, but this time I made no effort, I simply stood on the other side. “Come here” he fornamed. I walked slowly towards his direction and he grabbed my hands, looked me in the eyes and hugged me again . “I dont wanna do this man I really do love you but I just can't get hurt ” I removed my head from his shoulder and looked into his eyes. “Then dont do it babe I’d never hurt you omg I don't want this to end” I cried hugging him all over again. He lifted my head and asked me for a kiss. I didnt want to kiss him because I felt like that would cause me more pain so I looked down at my hands and wiped my tears. “Come on this is going to be our last kiss” when he said those words my soul died I turned around fast and started to cry even more but I didn't want him to see me cry anymore because I felt like he had took the best of me .“Don't cry beautiful , ima be here okay?” even though he told me that I still felt like we wasn't together, I never felt this kind of feeling before in our past breakups but this time I had a strong feeling like our loved died at that exact moment we stepped foot into the train station. I looked up at the time and my train was only 2 minutes away from arriving. “you heard what i just said? ima be here babe” he repeated.
“Okay” i voiced. “I love you babe” I glumed
“I love you to” he responded. I walked inside the train without looking back at him because I knew in my heart he wasn't mine.
As I walked home I kept thinking about what had occurred with Bryan , I was trying to gather my thoughts together because I had a lot of explaining to do to my mother. I entered the house and told my mom to come to my room. “what happened?” she inquested
“Well bryan and I got into an arguement because he feels like ima cheat on him since school is starting and he has night school all the way in brooklyn and I'm here . I told him that I wasn't but my words aint seem to mean anything to him. He broke up with me but I tried to get him back by trying to talk to him about my feelings and how I could see him on Wednesdays since I get out early and on Fridays after school. but he was like hes not gonna see me everyday so he doesn't know what ima be doing and I told him ima be going straight home because I barely have friends and plus your stricted.
“so did you get him back?” she questioned.
“Yes but i'm not completely sure about it , we had gotten into a huge arguement he wasn't even listening to me while i was attempting to talk to him, he was laughing and I had gotten so frustrated mom that I punched him behind his head at the barber because thats where we were at the time , I walked to the train around 7 but thats when he texted me that so i had to go back his way.
“That’s my girl , I can't believe you punched him” she giggled.
“Yeah while we was yelling outside he called me a hoe out of anger and that really hurt me.”
“Wow .. hes no good for you Melanie , you guys are not meant to be you will find someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Your a great girl and you're a fantastic girlfriend , your true real love will come” she added.
“ I don't know if i agree with you mom, I love him and I know he disrespected me but things are just crazy at the moment , but i'm sleepy and school starts tomorrow so ima get some rest”.
“Alright hun goodnight” she retorted. as she walked out my room I took my phone off the charger and texted Bryan telling him I arrived home , he texted back “ok” I didn't know how to respond to that so I just texted him back goodnight , I didn't really feel like having a full blown out conversation with him. I changed into my hello kitty pjs and tucked myself into bed wishing I only had s bad nightmare and that I would awake happy and everything would be back to normal..
I woke up feeling blue this morning , I wasn't in the right state of mind to go to school but today was the first day so I convinced myself to keep calm and to just get the day over with. I brushed my teeth , took a shower and began to get dressed , as I was putting on my toms I heard my phone vibrate . It was a text message from Bryan around 3 am and now its 7:30 am. I unlocked my phone and read it , it said “I can't lie but i'ma always think you're going to cheat on me and I don't care what you say thats just how I feel , I don't know why I took you back man were over” my mind didn't even have to react because my fingers did in less than 5 seconds , I replied back “ Babe stop like I told you how I felt , there is no reason for me to do you dirty you are my world I am truly in love with you , I cried in your arms and so did my heart when you left me please dont do this to us” Now I definitely didn't want to go to school, I didn't have the patience to wait until after school to get a text from him nor read it , I knew he was sleeping at this time and by the time I got home from school he would be on his way to school. I felt like crying but I didn't , why do I always gotta prove myself to him? I thought. Maybe it is better if I just let it go. My mom drove me to school I skipped breakfast because that text ruined my whole morning . “Thanks mom” I called out as I left the car to enter school.
“You're welcome hun , have a good day,” she answered back. I took my schedule out and walked into room 218 , just great i'm the first one in class. “Hello my name is Amy and I will be your global teacher for this semester.”
“Hi , my name is Melanie nice to meet you,” wow she really looks happy to work , and i'm over here depressed wanting to run home to my bed. School started from 8:30 till 3:15 time went by fast , I couldn't really concentrate in any of my other classes because I kept thinking about Bryan. I missed him so much and to know I woke up single and not having him mines killed me. I didnt want to talk to no one but of course my classmates tried to conversate with me . In my mind i'm thinking “does it look like i wanna talk?” but I faked a smile and chatted. There was this one boy who told me I was pretty and asked me if I was single , I had told him no and that I had a boyfriend . A thousand memories flashed in my head of me and Bryan and in my mind I shouted out ‘’no im completely alone!”
School just ended and I went to the store up the block from Stevenson commons to get my phone . I felt like a zombie I had no energy to do anything I was beyond depressed my life was not the same without Bryan. I couldn't picture myself without him - I believed each and every word he told me because I felt the same way towards him. His lack of trust in me made me think he cheated on me, which may have been the reason why he would always accuse me. Perhaps he felt guilty. One day we would be in love and great, the next day hes a d*ckhead and acts cold hearted like if he didn't care about me or us. I honestly tried to see things off of his point of view but I felt like I caused all of this and failed being his girlfriend , like I wasn't good enough as if he was expecting something more or maybe something different. The 5 bus came but it was too crowded so I just decided to walk , I needed time to think to myself without no questions or interruptions anyways because in my house I get annoyed or stressed. Bryan was my only happiness , he was the reason why I got up every morning happy I got to live another `day so I could see him and be with him. Hes the reason why I smile , and laugh and feel amazing , that boy changed my whole life and just like that by him leaving me made me not want to live on this planet anymore. My parents love life was and still is horrible , they’re still married but they don't share no happiness only hate . I always told myself my first love wouldn't be like that , that I would never hurt a boy I’d fallen in love with because I saw how that affected my mother and plus I felt like a person should stay single if they're not willing to stay committed. I was only a block away from my house , I ran home to see if Bryan had replied back to my text from this morning I was impatient but he didnt. I blew up his phone I sent him a text saying “Babe I miss you , I ain't think about nothing today in class but you , some boy told me I was attractive and asked me if I was single and I told him I wasnt that I was in a relationship. It really hurts to know you're not mine over a feeling you think I did but I didnt. I understand if you had proof but you don't I really do love you” . I decided to fall asleep until 9 because thats when he gets back home from school , I isolated myself from the world.
I woke up around 8:20 pm and my other older sister Destiny was in her room and noticed I was awake , she came into my room to talk to me because she sensed something could be wrong with me . I usually tell my sister everything about Bryan and I but this time I needed time to develop my own thoughts and feelings. “Hey, Mel, are you alright ? You been looking depressed and you know you could talk to me about anything.”
“No I’m nothing close to being alright. I don't know what I did to deserve this, Bryan left me again and this time I feel like its for good.”.
“Mom told me about what had happened because she saw pain in your eyes and voice when you told her what happened last night but you need to be strong , if he really did care about you and ya relationship he would hold s*** down and trust you , not leave you over a feeling he has no proof of.” she declared.
“Thats exactly how I see it Destiny . I don't have friends because I stopped talking to them because I don't need nobody but him , I be to myself its either i'm with him or in my room”.
“Maybe hes cheating on you or cheated , its usually like that when a person accuses someone of something without no proof its because they are guilty of it and think since they did it their partner would do the same and keep it a secret.
“Word, thats how i see it” I whispered shaking my head.
“Melanie you really did change , you use to be more active with the family and now you just stay to yourself , you don't come out of your room to do nothing . just because you're in a relationship you don't have to change who you are , now you have this attitude of not giving a f*** and not caring about nothing but Bryan” she complained.
“I just like to be by myself , I don't want to do nothing but be with him all the time , I swear I never felt like this before he is my world . my life is nothing without him and I feel like me being by myself is better I don't need no friends . For what? So they could put negative s*** in my head about what if Bryan is doing this or that . I dont need people lying or telling him things that could make him leave me or for him to think i'm cheating,” I protested.
“But lets say if he leaves you , who you gunna have ? You're pushing away so many people out of your life for him and he's treating you like this , I know you stress a lot but doesn't that stress you out even more?” she asked.
“Yeah it does but he is my only happiness so im willing to put up with it , im willing to prove him wrong and show him my love for him is true and I wont ever hurt him. Its so hard being in a relationship where all I do is prove to him i'm not doing nothing wrong, it makes me question myself like should I stay or just give up because nothing will ever change , but I can't let him go because then I would be letting myself go”.
“I understand what you mean Mel but just give it time I guess , he left you again and maybe he won't come back maybe its best for you to let go and not beg because thats another reason why he does it , he may not try to hurt you but he knows you will always run back to him like a wolf catching its prey. Stop only thinking about his happiness think about your own , would he do half the things you are doing for you?”
“I dont even know,” I wondered as I sat there in silence.
“Melanie dinner is ready” my mother shouted .
“I'm coming” I yelled back. I walked into the kitchen and smelled the delicious smell of rice and beans with chicken. I loved the way my mom cooked that , it was my favorite meal. I took the plate with a cup of pepsi and went into my room to finish watching Bad Girls Club Season 10. I rested my phone on the side of me waiting for Bryan to text me back , it was about to be 9. I kept thinking about the talk I had with Destiny , she was right I was changing but I wasnt planning to stop who I became. I was going to continue to act how I act , I would do anything for Bryan to trust me and understand that he could love me and not be afraid ima play him. Not every love end ups being bad some actually end up being perfect and in this case thats what we were , simply perfect. My phone vibrated against my thigh and it said “husband” he had wrote “I don't know what to say” I texted back saying “ Why is it so hard for you to just see that i'm only yours and that I want this to be forever.” then he replied with “ You're right I spoke to my grandma about this and my cousin Mark , they told me i'm buggin for leaving you” I didn't know what to tell him , was he regretting that he left me or was he just simply telling me that he shouldn't of left but he wasn't coming back. I texted him saying “you are bugging , I want you to be mines again”. I was afraid of his response . I felt my heart beating fast and when he wrote back I closed my eyes real tight hoping my babe would be mines again. “I am yours” I let out a sigh of relief , it took sometime to get him back but it was worth it . Me going a half of day without being his girl was devastating now just imagine him not being mines forever.
Things slowly started going back to place like pieces entering a missing puzzle again. Our relationship was getting better , sometimes I wondered if he actually realized that I wouldn't hurt him and him treating me like that was in fact hurting me. But I didn't bring it up because I didn't want that to lead into a new argument , I just wanted love and affection. At times he would have his little moments where he would act up on me but he would always get back on track. I didn't tell my mother we ended I told her we was together but I didn't know what was going to happen next because lately things have been out of hand-but I assumed she thought I had left him or he left me. I sat on the computer desk in the living room where my mom was combing my little sisters hair. “Mom ima go to the movies tomorrow , a new movie I wanna see comes out”
“Okay with who?” she asked.
“With Bryan” I added.
“I hope its a new Bryan” she snorted
“No its the same one why would it be a new one”? I questioned
“No your not going to see that boy ever again I don't care what you say he disrespected you , what's next ? He’s going to hit you and you are going to run back like you're doing now?!
“No you're over exaggerating now , yea he disrespected me but he would never hit me I know how he is.”
“I don't care” she yelled.
“Well ima still be with him” I replied stomping my way out the living room. I texted Bryan to let him know my mothers reaction to him taking me out to the movies.
“Wow she really hates me now”
“I don't care babe ima still be yours she can't tell me who I can or can't be with” I continued. Things got harder for me , I wasn't able to tell my mom “Oh mom ima be with Bryan” or say “Can I go see Bryan today?” Now I had to make up stupid excuses in order for me to see him and I hated it because I didn't want to hide that he was mine. I wanted to be able to bring him around and chill with him around my family, not lie everyday.
Bryans grandma Wendy loves me , she met me the day I went all the way back to Brooklyn with one of my old friends name Damarise to go visit Bryan . He didn't know I was coming , he had broken up with me at the time but I dead couldn't sleep or eat I was crying my heart out to Damarise telling her how I felt. I believe we was 5 months when that happened but long story short he wasn't home when I arrived Wendy was and she answered the door. Wendy wanted to meet me so many times in the past but Bryan was afraid because he never introduced any of his ex girls to anyone of his family members before. I felt a connection with Wendy because I never got the chance to meet my grandparents they died when I was a baby so I guess she full filled that missing spot in my heart I long so desired. Anyways things got complicated for me because I knew Bryan hated the fact I had to make up excuses in order for me to see him. I had a feeling my mom also knew I was lying but she just let me go hang out with my “friends” its sad to say I started to grow hate for my mother because she knew I was stressing over the fact she wouldn't let me be with him. I tried having a one on one conversation with her many times trying to convince her that Bryan wasn't a bad person and to just let me be with him that nobody was perfect. “I know you dislike him but at least respect our relationship like you have been doing , he makes me happy” but she wouldn't listen to me , thats when I made my decision.
I started to cut school , I couldn't go 4 days without seeing him and plus my mom wasn't making it any better. It hurted me more then anything ! I couldn’t even go a day without seeing Bryan. I would sometimes cut the whole day or leave early from school , I knew it was wrong but it felt so right . I wasn't really thinking about the consequences I just thought about me being able to kiss him and hold him. I didn't really care about cutting school because I would always complete my homework and classwork and I would also make up the work I missed. Bryan started to cut school as well , we both knew it was wrong and that we had to stop and get our s*** together but every time we agreed on stopping we just couldn't. The whole first month of school we was on and off cutting. I got tired of all the lies I kept telling , it made me sick to my stomach I felt ashamed of myself . There was a time I lied to my mom about waiting on line for the concord 11s jordans with Destiny. I actually went to Brooklyn to spend the night with Bryan and Destiny went to her friends house , that was the best day ever. My mom is the type to not let her kids spend the night in someone elses house , thats why I didn't even bother to ask her. Bryan and I stood up till 5 in the morning that day , we couldn't fall asleep , it was hard for both of us to fall asleep knowing we were actually going to wake up seeing each others face. We was sleeping on the couch until he ended up kicking me off, he sleeps like a wild dog -- I just slept on the floor I didn't want to disturb him . On the other hand I stood up, I only slept for like an hour , I would never forget that day. Everyday when I would come home from school I felt like I was being held in a prison cell , I hated going home I just wanted to be with Bryan all day everyday , every second and every minute, All I would do was say hi and go straight to my room , no conversation , no watching tv , no playing games , no nothing I just went straight to bed until 9 , that was the time Bryan would be getting home from school so id either call or text him.
I had seen my bestfriend Violanny later that day at lunch . I told her what was going on between my mom and my relationship with Bryan. I knew Violanny since last year and I could tell her anything , she knew everything about me and I could trust her without a shadow of doubt. “My mom is really making it hard for me to be with him and I fucking hate it man , why can't she just let me be happy not everything involves her its my life!”
“Word if she sees that you're happy then she should just let ya be and if ya break up then thats on ya” She replied.
“I'm really tired of how my life is , I thought about committing suicide in the past when I got heart broken by my ex Joseph but I didn't and Im glad I didn't because I found Bryan and he changed my whole life , he showed me how to love. But the constant stressing is too much for me to handle , at this point I don't need family , just Bryan.” I explained.
“What are you going to do Mel?” she asked in a curious tone.
“Afterschool ima just spend the night at his house i'm not going to go home , I dont know if ima really do it but thats my plan , Bryan has been wanting me to spend the night again anyways plus he asked me to stay last week but I was to pussy. I told him if things ain't get better then I would this friday and as you can see nothing has gotten better”.
I left last period and went to Brooklyn ,that train ride was blowing mines I just wanted to be there already and lay with Bryan. I kept thinking about my situation I was in and I just wished my mom would accept him, thats all I wanted , I didn't want to hurt no one but she didn't care how I felt so I ain’t care how she felt . I made up my mind and I decided that I was going to tell her I was going to Maleks house after school. Malek was an old best friend of mines my mother adored so I knew for a fact she wouldn’t mind me spending time with him. I got to Brooklyn around 3 , I rang the doorbell and walked up the stairs . as he opened the door I had a timid feeling as if it was the first time I had ever seen him . Each day my love for him grows and it will continue to be that way , I couldn't picture my life without him it was impossible and if that was to ever occur I would be nothing. I walked in and gave him a kiss on his lips and smiled. “Hey babe I missed you” he said as he hugged me from behind.
“I missed you way more babe” I replied. While he was playing black ops 2 I poured myself a glass of iced tea arizona and texted my mom “I'm going to Maleks house” it went from 3 pm to 7 pm in a blink of an eye. “Damn babe I don't want you to leave me you should spend the night with me babe” he told me in my ear as he rubbed my stomach.
“I dont want to leave neither babe but I have to” I weeped.
“But you promised me you would spend the night if your mom was still on her bullsh*t”
“You right babe , you don't know how bad I want to babe” I added as I hugged him ode tight feeling confused , trying to decide what I should do . I didnt want to make things worse for Bryan and I and I also didn't want him to be sad or think I lied and broke my promise.
. “Its okay babe I understand you don't have to” he voiced.
“Ok babe then come on come with me half way home” As we walked together holding hands in the windy weather I kept thinking about if I should stay or go home. The 5 train came and we went on , he was going to come with me all the way to 125 then go downtown back to Brooklyn while I went uptown going to Elder. We finally got to 125th street and thats when I realized I didn't want to go home. “Babe i'm going back with you to Brooklyn ..” ‘
’No its okay babe go home , you really dont have to i'm not mad”
“No babe I want to i'm going back so lets go catch that train” I walked up the stairs ahead of him not wanting him to try to change my mind. He ran trying to catch up to me with a stunned expression on his face, we got there just in time , we caught the train..
“Babe you are crazy , I can’t believe you’re doing this” he stated with an astoundment look across his face.
“Me neither babe but ima follow my heart” I added . Throughout the whole train ride I layed my head on his lap , I was ode sleepy. It was about to be 11 and I knew my mom would be worried about me because she hadn't heard from me since the text I sent her . I started to feel bad. We exited the train and walked to his house , we saw Wendy outside the store which was a few footsteps away from his building. “Mel what are you doing here? “ she asked confused with a puzzled look on her face.
“She told her mom she was going to spend the night in her friends house” Bryan joined. Wendy then went to buy a 2 liter pepsi while Bryan and I headed upstairs. I turned on my phone and texted my mom “Im very depressed about this whole Bryan situation . Im not coming home tonight Im going to spend the night in Maleks house” As soon as I sent that text I turned my phone off . I was already nervous and I didn't want to be stressed out anymore then I was . I just wanted to enjoy the rest of this day with Bryan.
Bryan and I layed together , I was falling asleep in his arms until he woke me up saying “Do you hear that?
“Hear what ? What happened babe?”
“Wendy is speaking to your mom I think I overheard her say your name” When I heard him say that I woke up dumb fast ,
“Forreal ? It can't be” I added . He got up and went to the kitchen to make sure he wasn’t correct , he came back and told me that in fact he was and she was on the phone with my mother. “Omg babe how is that even possible?” I asked him.
“I have no idea” he added. thats when we both shut up and began to eavesdrop on Wendy conversation. “Yes Mel is with him , shes here , she is fine. she loves Bryan they're in love . Hes 18 and Mel is 16”
“No she isn't she is 15” that voice on the phone wasn't my mother it was my other sister Lenny I told Bryan. “How the hell do they know your with me , didnt you tell her you with Malek ? and your 15? ”
“No im 16 Lenny always does that , when my birthday comes she forgets I turn a year older not stay the same age and yea I told her I was with Malek”. In all honest truth I was 15 but I didn’t tell Bryan my real age because I was afraid he wouldn't want to be with me because he was older and he could go to jail. I was with Bryan towards the middle of the school year last year and I was 14 at the time and he was 17 but I lied telling everyone I was 15. I turned on my phone to see what my mom had texted back because I was confused on how Lenny contacted Wendy. I had a lot of missed calls from my mom and she left 8 voicemails around the time I was on the train. Then there was a text from t-mobile saying my password was changed , I assumed Lenny went into my account and looked through my contacts trying to reach me . “Mel your mom wants to speak to you” Wendy yelled . I got up slowly from the couch still shocked this all just happened , this wasn't how I planned or thought it would go.
“Hello? I uttered .
“Please come home , we can talk about this when you get home you're not in trouble , take a cab I know its expensive but i'm willing to pay for it” I heard the weariness and hurt in her voice and that made me breakdown. “Your father is worried sick about you crying and i'm having asthma , please come home” she added. tears filled my eyes and voice.
“You just dont understand me! I tried talking to you plenty of times but you didn’t listen, why can't I just stay?”
“We can talk when you come home just take a cab” she reported.
“I rather just take the train with Bryan then” I stated. I handed the phone back to Wendy , in conclusion my dad was going to come pick me up instead.
“Damn babe this is wild , they dead don't want you with me they could of just let you stayed they know you with me and my grandma” Bryan expressed.
“Word babe I can't believe this just happened like they really looked threw all my contacts”. I went over to Bryan and laid again with him , we both fell asleep.
“Mel wake up there downstairs waiting for you” Wendy stated while slightly nugging me to wake up. i woke up and started to put my sneakers on and my sweater. I woke Bryan up “babe i'm leaving , I love you” I kissed him and went downstairs with Wendy.
No one was downstairs yet , I didn't see my moms car or my dads . Wendy walked up and down the block to see if she spotted them just incase they got lost. I texted Bryan “I miss you already , funny thing is they not even here yet” he called me , “I miss you to babe” he added
“I would tell you to come wait with me downstairs but they prob come once you come down , but ima text you babe cause my phone dying”
“Okay babe” he replied. My dads car pulled up in front of the building and Lenny came out and shouted “Surprise!” with a huge smile on her face. I just wanted to blow up the car and run back upstairs but I just walked down the steps looking at her, “Hey its nice to meet you” Wendy told Lenny as they hugged . I said my goodbye to Wendy and got into the van. No one said nothing it was stupid dumb quiet , it was me , Lenny , Destiny , and my dad in the car. I exchanged a look at Destiny and smiled I texted her and asked her how did Lenny contact Wendy and she told me Lenny went into my account and called two of my contacts asking if I was there and Wendy was the lucky number 2. I was so exhausted I just wanted to continue to sleep with my babe , not be in a car ride for an hour about to confront my mother when I got home. It felt like forever when we arrived home , my mom answered the door , she looked stressed out .“Hello” I stated as I entered the house. I thought she was going to speak to me but she didn't call me or come to my room. I walked into the kitchen to eat chocolate chip ice cream and I overheard Destiny and her talking about some other topic. I walked into the living room thinking maybe she would talk but still nothing so I turned back and went to my room to fall asleep.
I couldn't believe she did not attempt to talk to me , I came home for nothing I should've just told her I wasn't coming and hung up but no I decided to come home. Things was just different so I distanced myself even more from her and the family. My relationship with my dad has always been great but I didn't know what to do or say knowing I caused him pain so I just stood quiet. All I wanted was for my mom to accept my relationship , me doing what I did didn't prove to her nothing , my point was to show her she couldn't stop me from being with the man I love she just saw it as me running away from home. The only solution was for Bryan to come to my house and speak to my parents and to tell them how he felt about me and apologize about the smoking , calling me a hoe and now this new problem. Bryan came to speak to them on a monday when I was in school. The talk they had must of been powerful because she accepted our relationship and things got better. Did she like him ? I don't know and i didn’t care I was just happy I could now be with the boy I love without living my life as a lie. .