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Sore Loser (New and Improved)

Sore loser

"First place is... Carter Moon!" Once the announcer said my name, the stands erupted. Clapping and cheering thundered behind me. I made my way up to the stage, trying to keep a stoic expression, but to my discretion a smile stretched on my face. A girl in a yellow dress handed me a shiny gold medal with a figure of a person diving off a block in the middle. The click of cameras started and flashes sparked. I stood up on the podium in the first place position and beamed wildly.
All those long nights and endless practices that I swam till I was a shriveled prune, all the frustration, pain, tears from shameful loses and smiles from boastful wins, all the horrible visits to the chiropractor to set my bad shoulder. All of it, the good and the bad, was for this. To look up into the stands and see a thousand screaming people that were screaming for me, rooting for me. I saw my biggest fans sitting in the front row closest to me. My dad and brother stood and cheered the loudest, my mom laughed while she wiped her tears. And my two sisters jumped up and down holding a sign that said, "We Love Carter". It was because of them that I am here today. Because of them I accomplished my biggest dream. I owe it all to them.

I laughed and tried to suppress the burning sensation in my eyes. I can't believe this was happening. I can't believe I'm finally here--a gun shot rang. People threw their bodies to the floor. Their arms frantically covered their heads. Mothers grabbed their children and lovers clung to each other. Cheering screams changed to screams of fear. Men in green jackets raced through the crowd, barreling down scared people, chasing down an unknown entity. Other green jacket men consoled the frightened and confused. Unfortunately, I didn't have a chance to look at my family to make sure they were alright. My shoulder went numb and before I knew it, I was falling; jerked back by a unseen force. My eyes stretched wide in shock, and my hands clenched to my gold medal with such intensity I was sure I would snap it in half. As I fell, my hair flailed and my legs kicked out, trying to steady myself. I hit the ground painlessly, but as soon as I attempted to lift my arm, white hot pain cauterized my whole body; it's source was the hole that the bullet had made through my shoulder.

Now my vision was full of strangers faces. Their faces were covered with a mask of fear and desperation. They were putting old rags and shirts that men ripped off their bodies, to my shoulder and brought them up soaked in red. Shouts and orders were directed at me. Telling me to stay awake and keep my eyes open. The girl in the yellow dress was sitting at my head, holding it straight. She smiled at me trying to assure me that I'd be alright, but as the tear rolled down her cheek, I knew well enough that I wouldn't.

A laugh racked through my body, but was stopped short by a series of coughs. I tasted metal. "Someone was a sore loser," I laughed weakly. My eyes grew heavy, as if they had weights pulling them down. Yellow dress girl yelled at me louder. "Don't you dare close your eyes!" She screamed, her voice raspy as it tore through her throat. Her hands digging into my face; shaking fingers desperate, as if they were clinging to the life in me. I looked up at her and smiled, showing my bloodied teeth. Tears bursted from her eyes because she knew I knew. As I closed my eyes I saw my biggest fans. The ones I love the most. The ones that stuck with me and pushed me through the hard times. I picture my family and smiled because if I was to die then I wanted to die happy.

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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

Quartermaster This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 27, 2013 at 5:37 pm
The cruel and jarring twist of fate made your story extremely engaging.  I enjoyed the contrast between the fufillment of her dream and her worst nightmare. A couple of comments... In the phrase "to my discretion", I believe "discretion" is the wrong word. The first sentence of the second paragraph conveys exactly what it needs to convey, but is a run on. A semi colon and a couple of comma's will fix that. I think "screaming" was the wrong word, because o... (more »)
Carly_ElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 27, 2013 at 10:59 pm
Thanks for reading my story and for the feedback. And yeah I tend to use words that I think sound right without actually thinking that they might not work. And about the bullet I was implying that she was shot in the heart but I can see how you interpreted it differently. And a shoulder shot could be fatal cause she might die from loss of blood. Also when the girl was the one to hold her head I put her there on purpose It's a symbolic thing. But thanks for reading and for the feedback again. I... (more »)
TimexxFlies said...
Nov. 4, 2013 at 11:17 am
I just wanted to say that I have selected you for my WSS. :) You have a good talent, and you first mission is to write an article about a personal experience. I want it done by 11/15/13 <3
Carly_ElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 4, 2013 at 7:05 pm
Mission accepted Captain haha :D 
Carly_ElizabethThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Nov. 13, 2013 at 9:30 pm
I just posted my article of personal experience (it's a vignette if that's okay) today so if it's not up before the 15 then know that I did post it. 
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