October | Teen Ink

October

October 12, 2013
By Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl


My breath appears in front of my face. The steam rises in the air and for a second, I allow myself to think that I am a dragon. Then the smell of my sweet tea reaches into my thoughts. Cold bites at the end of my nose and fingers and I bring the cup up to my lips and the tea warms my body from the inside out. The scarf mom coerced me wear began to irritate my neck, but I knew I’d be scolded if I took it off.

Various colors surrounded me. The brilliant orange of the pumpkins. The color filling me with as much happiness and warmth as my tea. Green surrounded the orange, making even more inviting. Then the soft auburn red leaves, smooth as honey, hung from the tall majestic trees. Accompanied by the yellow-brown leaves that cluttered the ground.

Sounds were just as loud as the color. Kids sprinting around the pumpkins. Some meticulously tip-toeing their way around the vines. Teacher was flustered, turning this way and that. Her thin brown hair falling from its bun. Most kids had already picked out their orange orb and were impatient enough to attempt to carry it themselves. One kid had dropped on on his toe and was now wailing a loud siren cry. Another pulled on Teacher’s arm to show her something they had discovered. Teacher had two grown men with her that were there to help carry the children's pumpkins, but they were just as scattered as Teacher. They would carry a large one to the truck, as instructed by the child, only to have to set it off the side and pick up another one, as the kid couldn’t make up her mind. A laugh bubbled in the back of my throat.

Sitting on the large orange ball I had claimed for myself in the beginning, and sipped my hot sweet tea.


The author's comments:
I love October

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This article has 5 comments.


holly1999 GOLD said...
on Oct. 28 2013 at 6:57 am
holly1999 GOLD, Middlesbrough, Other
12 articles 8 photos 114 comments

Favorite Quote:
'There was no need to clarify my finger snap, the implication was clear in the snap itself' - Magnus Bane

Great story! I really like your descriptions, and your last sentence is good, although I agree with AnInkling that it could be changed slightly. I would also think of changing the fourth sentence in the first paragraph so you don't have as many 'and's, but I do like the detail you included. Great writing!

on Oct. 27 2013 at 6:49 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

Haha yeah, I always hate it when I post something then read through it and find a ton of grammar mistakes. Thanks a ton for reading!

on Oct. 27 2013 at 6:48 pm
Carly_Elizabeth PLATINUM, Othello, Washington
39 articles 0 photos 131 comments

Favorite Quote:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
Roald Dahl

Yeah it's always hard to get sentences to flow, but I will work on it haha. Thanks a  bunch for reading!

on Oct. 26 2013 at 11:02 pm
AnInkling SILVER, Castle Rock, Colorado
6 articles 0 photos 110 comments

Favorite Quote:
“This is your life. Is it everything you dreamed that it would be, when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?” Switchfoot
“Have I now become your enemy by telling you the truth?” Galatians 4:16

I really liked your descriptions, but you do have a few missing commas. Also it should be "coerced me to wear". I really like your last sentence, but really it is only a fragment, so you need to put in a subject (perhaps: "Sitting on the large orange ball I had claimed for myself in the begining, I sipped my hot, sweet tea.") I really like the idea!

on Oct. 26 2013 at 5:47 pm
The_Capricornian GOLD, Marietta, Georgia
12 articles 0 photos 30 comments

Favorite Quote:
There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed. - Ernest Hemingway

Very nice, I like your use of imagery and the last sentence, which causes a nice little cinematic zoom-out in my mind.  If anything would need to be improved on, it would just be a better sense of flow sentence between sentence.