You’re fourteen years old.

It’s the first day of high school; your hormones are raging, you’ve got the latest pop love song up in your head, and that girl across the room is looking fine. Amber hair, dazzling smile, glittering eyes: the whole package. If only you could get to know her better—who knows what might happen?

And so you do. Hell, you aren’t the most popular kid in the school, nor the most good-looking. But you crack a couple jokes, give a couple compliments (boy, how easy is this?) and you’re flying. You even manage to get this stunning-looking girl’s number! You text daily (you doing your best to be funny, she lol-ing), and soon you’re flirting nearly every time you see her. It’s hard to tell if she’s flirting back, but you figure she is; otherwise, why would she be spending all this time with you?

Sure, she’s got other boys she hangs out with, but those relationships are purely platonic. So is yours—but only for now. You’re getting to know her better and better every day—she seem to like you better every day—so logically speaking, it shouldn’t be too long until you cross the line from friend to something more.

Days drag into weeks drag into months. You now appreciate her for what’s inside, not the way she looks (but she does look mighty fine). You can see she’s more than her friends: less shallow, less conceited, less cruel. Not that you particularly dislike her friends; they’re alright (and for the record, some of them look hot too). But they’re not her, and they never will be.

And then she gets a boyfriend. You pretend to be happy for her, of course; that’s how these things work. You congratulate her, and purposefully strive to become better friends with her boy. What does she see in him? And how can you replicate this? You start to act more and more like the people she appears to be attracted too and less and less like your true self. And hey, if you’re becoming more and more popular as you do so, that can only be a plus!

She and the boy break up. You console her, pretending to be in sorrow like she is. But you’re not, of course. You’re thrilled! She is available once more! This time, you tell yourself: you’ll snag the perfect girl. It’ll be like in the movies, except without the explosions.

But wait! There’s just one problem: you already have a girlfriend! (Nice going, buddy.) Why would you possibly do that? Well, remember when people start to talk about how much you and the girl hung out? And what could have been interpreted as you hitting on her? Well, you needed to eliminate that discussion. And the best way to do that? Get a girlfriend, of course! Nobody can say anything about you going for another man’s bait then.

Your girlfriend is nice enough. You enjoy spending time with her. But you don’t love her. Not like with you-know-who. Of course, you can’t break it off with whatsherface as soon as She breaks up with her boyfriend. That’s just bad form. And you’ve got your reputation to maintain now, remember!

So you let it drag on a bit longer. You’re dreading breaking up with this girl, because you really don’t want to break her heart. But you can’t continue this relationship any longer. And so you do it, because it’s what needed to be done. Good for you!

Of course, there’s a period of (at least) one month in which you have to wait after breaking up with someone before asking another girl out. This is just basic etiquette. And so you wait. You’re still good friends with her, of course, so it shouldn’t be too hard to earn her love. But now she gets another boyfriend.

This is ridiculous. How long will you have to wait to become lovers with your best friend? Meanwhile, you’ve become a popular kid unto yourself, and you realize that there are some of her friends you really like. They’re not all shallow and conceited. Not all of them constantly gossip about everything. Not all of them demand constant compliments. Although now that you really think about it, your infatuation seems to be doing all of these things.

You begin to become disillusioned with the girl you idolized for so long. You realize that you were a fool, and only thought yourself to be in love. Your entire attraction to her stemmed from her beauty, and everything else was just a justification. As you drift away from the girl you once worshipped, you wonder if this will happen again. And you wonder what true love feels like.