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Daddy Don't Go

When I think back to when I was a baby I don't remember much, I don't remember my crib or if I cried a bunch. I don't remember what my favorite toy was and I don't know if my Mom does. I don't remember my pacifier or my Dad being a liar. But maybe it's a good thing because when I was little I thought of my Dad as a King. Or maybe even a superhero running around in tights and a cape, but unfortunately now I know better to know that he's nothing but a fake. He walked out on us. I had no idea what was going on and I had no idea that when he left, he would really be gone. I wish babies could talk because if I could go back in time I would have told him to stop.

I wouldn't have let him walk out that door, I would have said “Daddy, don't you love me anymore?” I would have been a big girl, I would have held back my tears. I wouldn't have cried because I would have begged him to stay to watch me grow up over the years. I would tell him everything I now know, how I would blame myself for him leaving and that he shouldn't go. I would promise to always make him proud and never turn my radio up too loud. I would tell him that I would still love him when I turned into a teenager and always tell him he was the best, I would even let him walk me down the aisle when I was in that white dress.

I would tell him he couldn't miss my first steps, or when I learned to ride my bike, after all he was the one who got me my first trike. I would tell him that even though I hardly knew him, I would always feel like a part of me was missing...of course he probably wouldn't listen, him and his girlfriend were always too busy kissing. I would tell him that it would crush me to always know I had a half brother out there somewhere and how I would meet him when I was fourteen over the summer. I would tell him that I would never know what my Daddy looked like, I would only have pictures to let me know that we look just alike.

Then I would show him from my ears to my toes, we look just alike except for my nose. I would tell him how we both bite our nails and try to act tough when we know we failed. I would tell him I would be strong like him, I would never let anyone see me cry. And how when I get older my eyes will be the same color as the sky. Then I would tell him when I turn sixteen, I'll be so proud when I hold that driver's license above the crowd. Then I could drive him home and hit a couple of curbs, and it'll be alright because he'll just smile and say “You'll learn”.

I can tell him how he can help me pull my first tooth and laugh when we see another one is already loose. We can take walks together and both hold Mommy's hand, we can sit and talk and make castles in the sand.

When he starts to walk away I would say “There's more to me than that, I wish you would stay so you can see that's a fact.” I would tell him how I would make him so proud when I won the school talent show and wild applause from the crowd. I would tell him how I would do karate, love to dance and sing in my room and we would spend so much time together he would know my perfume. I would tell him I would be a tom-boy too, we could go fishing and hunting and always say “I love you.”

If I could go back in time to that day that changed my life, I would tell him to make my Mom his wife. I would tell him that we could all live happily ever after if he would only choose to be my Father. I wish babies could talk because if I could go back in time I would tell him I would miss him so and say “Daddy don't go.”




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