Carol Sawinski was 18 years old when she got her first record deal. Her voice was incredible; the range better than the record executives have ever seen in someone so young. They knew as soon as they heard her sing she was born to be a star. Carol was a quiet Christian girl, with little exposure to the world outside her little town but a lot of knowledge about God. The record executives plucked her right out of her cozy, sheltered life in Georgia and plopped her into the fast paced, sunny Los Angeles, California.

Within months, Carol Sawinksi became known to the world as Carmen Sykes, and the small town girl was slowly fading away. Carol learned quickly that in the studio, the artist was in no way, shape, or form in charge. Any direction she wanted to go in was turned around by industry hardened men formally known as producers. At 19 years old, her first album was released, sounding nothing like the songs she dreamed of as a kid. However, she was doing something she never thought she could: make it outside her small town.

As the months went by, Carol’s fame only grew. Her album climbed charts, and she could no longer go out in public without be accosted by the paparazzi or her fans. As Carol’s music became well known, so did ‘Carmen’, who began to get invited to more and more parties and clubs. In all honesty, Carol would much prefer to stay at home, talking to family and friends, crafting, reading, or even knitting. Every Sunday was reserved for church, reflection, and thanks to God. However, her PR team thought it’d be great for ‘Carmen’’s image to be seen partying, out with A-List stars. Night after night, Carol was forced to go out, dressed as someone she’s not, a more dangerous and sexualized version of herself.

The people she was with were even worse; their words toxic, their behavior crippling, and their social pressure staggering. Mentally, Carol was declining, losing every bit of herself and her sanity. Staying up late, being in an atmosphere where everyone would smile while putting a knife in your back, and being under pressure from her management, Carol was unable to take it. Everyone she turned, people were tearing down her God, and she was forgetting what it was like to be happy and at peace with life in His way. In order to cope, ever so slowly, she was becoming Carmen.

It really began one night, about a month into her partying, when Carmen started to drink. She knew it was illegal, and that she shouldn’t be doing it, but it was getting harder to deal with her life sober. Everyone else had alcohol in their systems; why couldn’t she? A beer or a cocktail here and there at parties led to harder liquor, the harder liquor turned to drinking hard all night, which then led to a permanent state of intoxication. As her alcoholism developed, her couth declined, and Carol went through a crushing metamorphosis. Drugs soon became a regular part of Carol-now-Carmen’s routine. Unlike Carol, Carmen didn’t have any friends. Carmen didn’t have any standards. Carmen didn’t go to church. Carmen stayed up all night because she needed it, she craved it, the rush of chemicals made her feel alive.

As life went on, Carmen made another album, full of radio garbage Carol never would have dreamt of producing. The album, oh did it sell, breaking records and topping charts. Media scrutiny increased, public criticism was at a max, and her behavior was in news outlets across the globe. Not that Carmen noticed. When she wasn’t sleeping, she was wasted. When she was working, she was wasted. Touring was a disaster, but she sold out shows, and her label forced her into doing it whether she liked it or not. Her mother came to visit, and distraught at the fact that she couldn’t recognize her daughter, now 20, returned home in less than a day. Carmen barely noticed.

One day, it all came to a crashing halt. For the first time in her career, Carmen was very high and drunk on stage. She stumbled around stage, slurring the lyrics. The last straw was when she did a spin at the end. Uncoordinated, she fell off the stage, vomiting on an audience member. The show was ended early, the rest of the tour refunded, as Carmen was seriously injured. At the hospital, Carmen was called Carol by the staff. This she protested, sobbing, “I’m not Carol anymore, I’m Carmen, I don’t even know who Carol is anymore.” Shortly thereafter, she was sedated.

After a few days in the hospital, all the drugs and alcohol worked their way out of Carmen’s system. For the first time in over a year, Carmen was sober. Incidentally, she was in extreme pain from withdrawal. The pain kept her focused, and she began to reflect on what she’s done with her life. All her friends gone, all her family alienated, and her reputation ruined; Carmen was the poster child for substance abuse. She wanted to become Carol again, get her life back, and make the music she wanted. She called for a nurse, who gave her information on rehab centers. After making a choice as to where to go, she prayed, both for forgiveness and redemption.

Her time in rehab was extraordinary. A Christian facility, every day was filled with prayer. Her life was turned around, and her drug and alcohol dependency was going away. Though it was a hard journey, she found her way back to sobriety, her spirituality, and herself. She began contacting her family and her old friends, and realized they’d been trying to be there for her the whole time, Carmen just didn’t pay attention. She fired her record company, management, and PR team, and joined a label that allowed her to make the music she had always wanted, with a focus on the struggles of life and the grace and love of God. God had always been ever present in her life as well, but now she is back to following His path. Her relationship to God was stronger than ever, and Carmen Sykes again became Carol Sawinski.

At 21 years old, Carol is happier and more whole than ever.