My whole life I have lived exactly how my parents wanted me to live. I was always the honor student and the great athlete in school. My life goals were always set by my parents. They wanted me to become a doctor or lawyer, my choice was never really an option. Simply enough, my life was not mine. Their reasoning was that I didn't decide to be born into their family but that they decided to give me life. How could I argue with that? Both my parents grew up in rough neighbor hoods where most people lived day by day. My father always told me stories of how he had to work at the age of nine to help his mom pay for things at home. Because he never knew his father, he had to take over the fatherly roll for his six younger brothers and sisters. My mom never knew either of her parents and was a single child growing up. She lived with her grandma until her last year of high school. They both had to work hard on their own to get where they are today. Because of the struggles they have been through combined is why I respect everything they teach me, even when I don't always agree.


Music has always been my escape. Only through music could I really express myself, and how I felt about my life. My song book is like my best friend. I never go anywhere without it, I even sleep with it. I learned guitar from my uncle Bruno, my dad's youngest brother. He is so far from being like my father that you wouldn't even think they knew each other. Bruno was born after my grandma remarried when my father was just turning eighteen so they were never really close. Maybe that's the reason why he's the only person in my family I can relate to. I never felt like I could ever go to my father and talk to him about my life but my uncle, who's twenty-four, seems to be the only one who hears me in my family. He makes being an only child not so lonely.


School has never been my favorite place to be, not because of the work or classes but because I never really felt like I belonged. I could never really connect with the people there, but I've always had one best friend named Sam. We've been friends ever since first grade. She knew me like no one else did. We told each other secrets that could never be known by an outsider, they just wouldn't understand. One night my father finally allowed me to go out to a party but only because it was Sam's birthday. I was excited for her because it was her sweet sixteen. When I arrived to her house, there were so many people. Sam was always more outgoing than I was so I wasn't surprised at the turn out. Her parents had given her the night until eleven to have the party. Her parents were always much more open than mine. They always accepted Sam for who she was no matter what, I envied that.


Once I found her she hugged me so hard I couldn't breathe. I guess it was from all the nerves and excitement of the party. Everyone was so hyped; we all danced to a play-list of Sam's favorite songs. I could tell that she was having the time of her life until her mood suddenly changed. She saw her ex-boyfriend Robby walk in to the party. She grabbed me and we ran off to her room.


"I can't believe he came to my party, the audacity!", Sam screamed in tears.


"You need to calm down, don't allow him to ruin your night. Today starts a new year just for you. He messed up and we both know that, now get your face back together so we can head back to your party."


She smiled and took the tissue from my hand.


"Your right, he isn't worth my thoughts or tears. This is my Night!"


I handed her another tissue, and we just laid there in her bed staring at the ceiling. I think she was trying to avoid having to go back down stairs to the party to face Robby. I didn't mind because I didn’t want to be in the middle of it anyway.


"Why are you always here to save me Mya, from all my small life battles?"


"Well, you know I always got your back. You're the only one who is always there for me. You know I can't talk to anyone in my family about anything."


"That's not true. What about Uncle Bruno?"


"You can only relate to an adult so much, no matter who they are."


"Yea, you're right Mya.


"Yea, I know I'm right,” I chuckled.


She laughed and suddenly looked at me. I didn't know what to say. We just laid there on her bed. I couldn't predict what she was going to say like I usually could. It was a different atmosphere. One we never knew together.


"So you're telling me you would accept and understand anything I say?"


"Of course," I said, "You should know that."


"Even if I did something weird?"


"What do you mean if? You're weird every day," I joked.


"Are you sure," she asked.


"Yes, I'm positive."


"I don't think you're sure", she whispered.


"I am Sam."


She laughed.


"I love you, Mya."


"I love-"


She kissed me! I couldn't speak. My throat was in lumps. What did she just do? My mind was boggled. I didn't know what to do. She looked at me searching for a reaction, any reaction. I sat there in amazement. My face had to be blank because I could tell she couldn't read me. Finally, I got my thoughts together.


"Why'd you do that?"


"I needed to know if you felt the same way about me."


"What do you mean the same way?"


"Mya, I love you more than just as a friend."


"What are you talking about? You're not making any sense!"


"I have loved you this way since ninth grade."


"You're gay!"


"No, you're the only girl I've felt this way about. Please understand that I didn't choose to feel this way. I have tried to hide it and I've even tried to have a boyfriend but you see how that went. The truth is I love you. I think of you as someone I want to be with but more than just as friends. Please say something."


I couldn't say anything. My mind seemed to be going way too fast for my mouth to catch up. How could she have felt this way all this time but never said anything? What am I supposed to say right now? How could this be happening? She stared at me waiting for something to happen. I just stopped thinking, and I kissed her back. She stood back in confusion.


"Sam, I've always felt this way about you but I was way too afraid to act on it. I'm sorry."


"Why are you sorry? This is one of the best days of my life. I have been thinking about this day and only hoping that you would accept me and now you tell me that you feel the same way. This is even better than I hoped."


"Sam, we're all waiting for you to blow out your candles," her mom interrupted.


I had completely forgotten that there was even a party going on. We headed down stairs to rejoin the guest.

Over the next few weeks, Sam and I decided we would be together. Our relationship was only between us, it was a secret. I couldn't afford to tell anyone I knew. My parents could never find out. I knew they wouldn't allow it. I wasn't even able to date boys, yet alone have a girlfriend. How could I explain this situation to them if I haven't even came to terms with it myself?

Being with Sam was a new feeling for me. I felt like a piece of me was now free. When I was with her, I could always be myself without worrying about being judged. However, when we were in public I was never comfortable to show any affection towards her. I was split between the happiness I shared with her and the fear that my parents would find out. I knew Sam was beginning to get fed up with how I was acting when she gave me an ultimatum. We were walking together in the mall when suddenly Sam reached for my hand. I quickly snatched my hand away.

"Why won't you hold my hand?"

"I just don't feel like it's necessary."

"No you are just ashamed of me and what we are!"

"No, that's not true! Don't say that."

"Listen Mya, I will always love you no matter what but we can't be together if you aren't comfortable with this relationship. You have to stop allowing your parents to control your life. Make a bold decision for once! Show them that you have your own mind. This is your life and you need to take control of it!"

No, Sam it's not you, I just can't allow my parents to find out."

"Well, you either tell them or end our relationship."

Just that fast she walked away. She had never walked away from me before with so much hurt in her eyes. I never meant to hurt her. This was all new to me but I knew I would have to do something, anything to save our relationship.

It was a week since the argument with Sam. It was the longest time I've ever went without talking to her. I felt as if my heart was slowly burning a hole into itself. I soon realized that she was right. This was my life. I needed to take over and live for myself. I stormed down stairs from my room and into the living where both my parents were sitting. With an unknown courage, I began to shout.

"I can no longer allow you guys to control me! I have my own life with my own goals and desires!

I took a deep breath.

"Sam and I are together! I love her and she loves me. We have been together for weeks now and no matter what you say I will not break up with her! This is my decision, and it will continue to be mine. I'm tired of having to bow down to everything you guys tell me to do. I know I am your daughter but I have wants and needs too. I'm human and I shouldn't be judged for that. Now either you accept me and my choices or you don't but I refuse to be your brainless robot any longer.”

And just that easily my secret was out. My parents were speechless, just standing there in amazement. So I just ran to my room and locked the door. They came running after me trying to put together what just happened.

"Mya, open the door we want to talk to you"

I didn't respond. I didn't do anything. I couldn't believe I just said all of that to my parents with so much confidence. Sam gave me that assurance that I could stand up for myself and what I wanted. I grabbed my jacket and put on my shoes. I cautiously climbed out my window so my parents wouldn't notice I was gone. I had to get to Sam. I grabbed my bike and headed for her house. My mind was in a thousand places. I couldn't focus on anything but getting to her house. I just hoped she would want our relationship to continue. When I got to her house it was way too late to knock on her door so I climbed to her window. She was lying in bed staring at the ceiling. I quietly knocked on her window and she looked over at me with a confused look. She ran over to let me in.

"Mya, what are you doing here?"

"I needed to see you. I haven't been myself without you. Please forgive me and give us one more chance. I love you."

She smiled but then stepped back and looked at me with her hurt eyes.

"I told you Mya that I won't to be your secret any longer."

"I know that's why I told my parents everything tonight. I couldn't bare to not have you another day."

She looked at me with doubt.

"You told them about us?"

"Yes, I did."

"How can I be so sure that you won't go back to hiding me? How can I trust-"

I kissed her. All i wanted was her. My parents' wants didn't matter. What people would thought of me didn't matter. The only thing that mattered to me was her. She was the only one who accepted me fully. She smiled. My mind began to scramble and my heart started to race. I just wondered what she was going to say.

"I love you."

That's all she said. That's all she needed to say. From just those three little words I just knew that everything would work itself out. Maybe my parents wouldn't get what they wanted. Maybe they would accept me and my choices. I didn't know nor did I really care. I was in control now and I knew that I would be happy because I decided to be.