March 30, 2013
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"You're doing so good. You're getting better." Remember?
Your words were jolting and unfolding in my medicinal filled head. Before I would not even know if today was tomorrow or yesterday or a week ago. I felt like Gollum from the Lord of the Rings, I was scared of the sun and I hated everyone. No one would tell me what my old medication was, but in a way I'm glad because I'd probably find the prescriber and I'd shove the pills down their throat until they felt as though they were dead, just like I did. But, that wasn't me anymore, I wasn't mean. I was "getting better" that's all I needed to remember. I had always wanted to make you proud, just like dad and John always could. You and I both know that the accident made me worse and made you love two even more. I can't blame you, I would too, so don't think I am mad at you. I'm not. I am actually here to tell you what happened. I wanted you to be proud of me, too. I woke up that morning and it was 27 days in of me taking my new medication and I got the urge to do something good. The first something good I'd have done in who knows how long? I think a year and three months. I did not know what I'd do, but I knew you'd be proud of me and that's all I needed. I actually brushed my teeth that morning. I flossed and I mouth washed for two minutes. "Two minutes is all your mouth needs to be clean." Remember? And for the first time I color coordinated everything like you always secretly, but not so secretly wished I would. Blue shirt, white undershirt, white skinny jeans that you bought me and I screamed at you and told you I hated them which made you cry, blue socks, and those shoes I felt like a nurse in. I was so happy, I wanted to show you, but I saw you looking at my orange bottle with the childproof cap and looking at an old family photo and I decided to just leave. I should have showed you, I could have seen you hide your tears and smile for the first time it seems an eternity. Which is kind of funny, isn't it? "Just smile. Twice a day. Your smile takes every one's breath away and I can't believe you won't show it." Remember? So, I got in the car you got me for graduation. You used Johnny-Boy's money he had been saying for tuition. You didn't know I knew that, did you? I drove past the library where you met dad and the coffee shop where you saw the monogram of John and the hospital where we found out about my problem. I saw a man sitting on the street in front of your favorite place to eat and I decided that just might be my good deed. This could be the first thing to make you proud of me in a year and three months. I could take him some place like to eat or a shelter or to a business with a 'Need work?' sign on the door. I rolled down the window and we had a quick chat that resulted to him hopping in the car. We talked about how he got where he was, not literally, but how he got in such a dried up patch of dirt in his garden of life. And we talked about me and how proud you were gonna be. I was so happy, I felt bad because I just wanted him to leave so I could come see you and tell you all about it. But, that was the old me so I kept on driving. I don't remember all the small details of what happened, I do, but I'd never tell you. Two miles away from the shelter he asked to be taken to he was covered in my blood. His clothes were crimson and he smelled like a mixture of death and betrayal. He killed me and I was only trying to be the brand new me. I was trying to make you proud of me. I know you miss dad and John and I am sorry that now you have to miss me. You got 27 days of the best I'd ever been, but I never got to see your twice a day smile and you never got to see mine. I don't want you to cry or wonder why this happened. I don't want you to think I'm mad, because I'm not. I want you to be proud of me. I want you to stop looking at my pill bottle now and I want you to figure out how you're gonna be the old you who "only believed in I love you's and peek-a-boo's and there was no such thing as a game you could loose." Remember? I want you to be the mom I remember before the accident. Don't be sad. I'll give a kiss to dad and John for you. I'm proud of you, too. I love you, mom.

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ZeroDarkFlirty said...
Jun. 25, 2013 at 4:36 pm
Wow! This is great! Amazing way of telling the story, and nice twist at the end. I can't say, however, that I've heard "Chelsea," (as of now, I mostly listen to two of their songs, "Shake Me Down," and "Ain't No Rest for the Wicked") but I will be sure to check out the song now! Another amazing work, 5/5 stars!
ZeroDarkFlirty replied...
Jun. 25, 2013 at 4:41 pm
*Oops, got mixed up there. "Always Something" it is then. That might explain why I didn't get any results on Google.
Metal4Life said...
May 20, 2013 at 9:37 pm
I particularly really love your style of prose in this piece! It really sparked my interest factor! This was very well done!
dragonsandthree said...
May 2, 2013 at 4:59 pm
This is incredable! And it was also an interesting reading experence for me, because every other thing that I've read of yours has been poetry, so that's sort of how I read it. Like one big, long poem. There is also a lot of great emotion in the story. Like Laugh-It-Out said, it was a little confusing, but I also really like a story that I have to think about. You should try writing a few more like this.
LexusMarie replied...
May 2, 2013 at 10:33 pm
Thank you! Yeah, I tend to write poetry.. it comes to me very easily and I love it with a burning passion! But, I do have another fiction story if you would like to read it, it's called 'Chelsea'. I like to write stories, but I try VERY hard of them so it takes me a bit longer than a poem. And I really try to think hard on a story-line, so I will try to work on more stories. Again, thank you!
dragonsandthree replied...
May 3, 2013 at 9:06 am
Sure! I've already read Chelsea since I posted the comment.
Laugh-it-Out This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:32 pm
Great job, I had to read it twice to never stand but it is filled with so much heartfelt emotion. Just cuz I wasn't sure, did this persons mom die in an accident? It was a little confusing for me. But it was beautifully worded and. Loved every aspect. Aside fRom the minor confusing great job like always. Btws u need to post more work I have read like everything of urs and I love ur work so there needs to be more of it. Lol keep rocking Lexus
LexusMarie replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:41 pm
I gotcha.. yeah, it can be confusing! Okay, so this girl has her parents and an older brother. She finds out that she has a medical issue, maybe bi-polar. And awhile later her father and brother are killed in a car accident which causes her to act out and get aggressive even more than before, so she starts to take a new medication since her other was wearing off. It was really, really helping her! She decided that since she was doing so well with the new meds that she wanted to do something... (more »)
Laugh-it-Out This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:48 pm
Wow complicated, but I absolutely love the story line now explained. Actually, u could take that and make it into a really cool story u know like expand it into a novel. There u go, that's a fiction peice for ya. I really like that. I love how u thought about the whole thing so much amazing job! Any idea when ur next/ new pieces wil be up?! Can't wait! Keep rocking Lexus
tuckertwin12 said...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:18 pm
Wow. That almost made me cry at the end! I want to go give my mom a hug! I loved it! Great job!
LexusMarie replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 11:29 pm
Thanks a lot! I appreciate that! Let me know when some more of your work is posted, okay? And hey, go give your mom a hug, I bet she'd give you a twice a day smile. c:
Mckay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 1:08 pm
Great story. I like your style of prose. It's not like everyone else's. This is epistolary, right? By the way, I like your allusion of Gollum at the beginning. And I like how a song inspired you to write this. Was it Aberdeen, Ain't No Rest for the Wicked, 2024, Lotus, Judas, Dr . Dr. Dr., Sell Yourself? I need to know. 
LexusMarie replied...
Apr. 5, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Thank you so much! I appreciate it so much, especially when YOU comment on my work. It makes me so happy that one of my favorite people on this website likes my work. Omg! c: And the song is called 'Always Something'! I love it sooo much! Again, thanks a lot! You're amazing. c:
Mckay This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 6, 2013 at 2:42 pm
Thanks for telling me the song of your inspiration. Gotta listen to it now. And you're super-awesome. 
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