Thank you

January 18, 2013
“You’re fat and worthless.” “No one wants you.” “You’re not going to go anywhere in life.” I have people giving me these constant reminders, but I can’t accept them. I won’t accept them. Do they think I haven’t noticed the body I live in? Because I have. I’ve been trapped in it for the past 17 years of my life. I’ve tried to do something about my weight, but my condition makes it close to impossible.
I’ve come to the realization that this is my life; this is my story.

I have Cushings disease. It’s caused by a non-cancerous tumor on my brain. When I found this out, I knew I was in for the biggest challenge of my life.
I gain weight constantly, and despite my continuous efforts to lose weight, there’s no change. Nothing helps. Everyday I step on the scale, disappointed. My self-confidence has withered down to nothing. And frankly, being bullied makes me feel hopeless. I didn’t choose to have Cushings, I was born with it.
The only place I feel okay is right here. Right on this bench. This bench knows me more than anyone. That’s sad, I understand. But it’s been with me through everything. It’s caught so many of my tears. It’s become my therapist, my comfort, and my friend.
I go to school to get through the day, just to go home and sleep until I have to get up and do it all over again. I see everyone interact. I have to admit, there are times I’d love to be friends with them, just so I’d have friends. But then I see how they treat each other behind their backs. At least they’re real with me. As hurtful as the comments can be, I’d much rather have them said to my face than behind my back.
So as I sit on this bench again, I think about how lucky I am. Sure, I don’t have friends, but I’d pick no friends over fake friends anyday. Their comments have made me stronger. So I thank them. Without the comments, I wouldn’t have the same motivation I do to prove to the bullies wrong. I’ll show them I’ll go somewhere in life. I’ll show them they’re wrong. They’re all wrong.

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