Look Deeper

January 18, 2013
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She was a product of a violent family, an abusive mother and a maltreating father. She had childhood scars – both physical and emotional. She had schizophrenic tendencies. She had a scarred heart.

Her name was Susen Edwards and she was just a seventeen year old. She had a drunken and unfaithful father, a whore for a mother. And Scott, a drug dealer for a boyfriend. She was the only child.

Susen wrote a letter to me and as I got home that evening, tired of trying to help fix people lives, I checked my mail box and saw it in there. I was a practicing psychologist and I owned a firm, I’d been practicing for eleven years. Most of my life has been given to helping fix people’s mess. Before I went into psychology, I was trying to find out criminals; getting hold of cold blooded murderers. I was trying to fix people’s life but I had a messy life too. I had never been into a serious relationship. I was over forty and I had no intention of raising a family. I had a daughter who was going through teenage crisis and terribly hated me and her mother was pain in the butt. My mother was slowly dying of double sclerosis and I didn’t care much.

Anyway, I received her letter and it read thus:
Dear Sir,

My name is Susen Edwards and I have something to tell you, which I don’t think all your years in psychology can teach you. I’m a seventeen years old girl who’s dying inside. They think I’m Schizophrenic. I have a father and he is a beast. I’ve got terrible scars and he gave them to him. He beats me up like he does to my mother. He ties me to a chair and cuts my hair. He gives me scars with a hot electric iron. This is what he always tells me “Sus don’t even try. You’ll never amount to anything. You’re meaningless, just like your mother and you can’t be better.”
He never lets me get away from his sight without his permission. He picks me from school, makes sure I make no friends, tell my teachers not to try hard on me because I’m hopeless. Whenever he and my mother are engaged in one of their fights and I try to get between them, he yells “Get out of my way you crack baby!!! I hate you as much as I want to kill your mother.”
His words hurt more than the physical wounds. And I love him. My mother would say that there is nothing good about him but I always see something - He wishes he could love us the way he should but he can’t.

I have a mother, she is a whore. She brings men home when Dad’s away. They make out right in my face. She doesn’t care how I feel, She doesn’t want to. I try impressing her, just to gain her Love but every time She’d say “Susen, don’t bother trying to make me like you. I hate you. It’s the best a mother has to offer to a child like you. You’re such a mistake on my part.” She walks away when my father deals with me whenever I misbehave. She watches him when he calls me names. She’s never had a real talk with me. She tells me “Susen, the world is cruel, you gotta smarten up. It’s a kill or be killed world out there. You’re lucky to have a mother who tells you the truth.”

I have a boyfriend, a drug dealer. He makes me get involved in his dirty business. He maltreats me, beats me up. I’ve tried to leave him, run away. He always gets me and threatens that he’ll kill me if I leave him. He’s cruel, but I know his good side. He loves me but he thinks he’s meant to show it the way he does.

Now tell me, all my life, I’ve lived in pain, hurt, violence, hate, neglect. I never had Love in its real form. I have never been cared for and have no one to speak out to. And they say I’ve got schizophrenia. I’m disillusioned, and incapable of expressing myself well. The truth is schizophrenia is not a mental disorder. Schizophrenic people are not in a delusion. We know what we feel and are even more capable than a normal person in expressing them. We are only a part of the society that no one wants to understand. And so, they resolve to call us sick. We know what we say; we see what we say we see. Only that, you’re blind.
Hate…Pain………….daddy yells….cry.hurthatehurthatehurtpain……….mumcruel…worldiscruelisscott……daddyisworldispain…..HATE


I tried to tell them all but they wouldn’t listen. I said “Darkness comes then light’ll take me” I meant I’m dying. Not to worry, though at the other side, I’ll be loved. I met someone named Jesus and he’s the only one who truly Loves me…And he loves you too.

Bye Sir.

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This article has 2 comments. Post your own now!

monochromatic said...
Feb. 2, 2013 at 11:26 am
very captivating
Osesie replied...
Feb. 13, 2013 at 6:35 am
thanks!!!!!! :D
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