Im lying in bed, and I look at the clock as it flashes midnight. Will I ever be able to fall asleep, catch some zzzzzs, create some dreams? I doubt myself because I know I wont be able. I am too busy asking myself whether I will have friends, anyone by my side in the morning, or will I be cast aside, alone. My friends and I have been fighting lately. But fighting would imply communication between us, and what we have going is petty bickering. I tried to put myself first for once and I was resented for it, saying I had 'changed'. I then resented myself for not living to please my friends, not realizing I should have lived for myself from the start. Maybe it's good we're arguing. Maybe I don't need them in my life, especially if they only like me when I'm at their will and command. I've let myself become so whipped to the hand of my own chain that I let the situation bother me, pick away at my brain, analyzing what they mean to me, and coming up a little short. Bettering myself lead to an inability to sleep. A little redundant if you ask me, but then again people don't usually ask, they just take, take, take. Even if I don't sleep tonight I know I'll be okay in the end. Because I stuck up for myself to create the way I wanted to live, instead of the way I was told to live. My eyelids refused droopy, and my mind cherished aimlessly, my body is still, but my brain is not.
Redundancy in sleep
January 8, 2013