Some crazy guy

November 1, 2012
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My name is Mikey. My friends call me mike. I’ve stolen 6 cars and robbed one bank. I’m pretty sure the cops know it was me. I’ve been jumping around from state to state, but the cops are still on to me. I am now in New Mexico at one of my aunties houses. Just because I’m here doesn’t mean I’m showing my face. If I were to show my face all the cops would be on me. It’s still too hot for me to go anywhere, so I’m still laying low! The cops have gone to my auntie’s house to ask them some questions. I already told my family to tell the cops I went to Mexico if the ask. My family told the cops for me and they started putting pictures up of me over there. Now that they are looking for me over there I can go out a little more. All my family has been telling me not to get too comfortable. I really don’t care as much anymore. I’ve been driving in town going to the store and the cops still aunt on to me yet. One of my good friends told the cops that I was still here. So I was trying to find out but I couldn’t find out anything. I asked my friend where he heard that from and I went straight to that guy’s house. I was knocking on the door for about 10minutes still no one answers. So I leave, I’m going to come back in one day through. When I come back it’s not going to be funs. So the next day comes and I go over there again o find out. This time there are kids outside the house. I just walked right in there and asked for James. I guess James ratted me out do he could get out of some other stuff. So I asked him if it was true and of cores he said know but I didn’t believe him so I started to beat him up. After all that happened the cops were back at my auntie’s house. This time the cops said they got a lead that I was leaving there. My aunties told them again that I was still in Mexico. They didn’t believe her this time. When all that was happening I was on my way home not knowing that the cops there. Once I see that they are there I started running the other way. I guess a cop was out side my house and seen me running away from the house. He started driving after me quick. There was a big wear house up ahead so I went in there. Once I did that all the cops surrounded the place. I didn’t know what to do at that point. So I tried to make another run for it. This wasn’t so good I got tasted right when I ran out the door. The judge said for all the crime I did I would be in jail for 25 to life.

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JoshieA said...
Nov. 12, 2012 at 11:44 am
mike is my homeboy and he told me to tell you to stop talking about his business before he gets ahold of you!
jettabugThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 6:01 pm
I love your storyline; you could make an amazing story out of this topic. However, as said before, your storytelling could use some work. You should focus on using good descriptions (showing how the story happens, not just saying) and on giving the main character some emotion! It sounds like I'm reading a robot's essay. Overall, I love the storyline. Good job!
CammyS said...
Nov. 5, 2012 at 4:38 pm
Well, I like your story line but your storytelling could use a little work. for one- divide it into paragraphs! two- you are telling, which is basicallly what it sounds like. You need to show things happen. three- i'm not getting any emotion from this guy. he's a nationaly wanted criminal!  four- dialouge would be exellent. hope this helps!
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