The Day My Dreams Were Shattered

October 25, 2012
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Crash. Sirens. Screams. Silence. Gone. Dead. Crying. Weeping. Dreams. Shattered. Like the broken glass on the ground. A last breath taken. Pulse. Fading. Gone. Sleep. Forever. My dreams destroyed in a moment. Seventeen years ended in a matter of seconds. Family. Friends. Love. Never again. Eyes closing. Everything fading into darkness. Black. A hand falls to the rough asphalt, covered in blood. Dead.

If I die young, bury me in satin
Lay me down on a, bed of roses
Sink me in the river, at dawn
Send me away with the words of a love song

Lord make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother
She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors, oh well
Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no
Ain't even grey, but she buries her baby

The sharp knife of a short life, well
I've had just enough time.

When I was alive, that was one of my favorite songs. It’s kind of ironic now that I’m dead, only seventeen. I still remember going to see The Band Perry at the rodeo last year. Singing along and smiling. Happy. I’ll never have that again. I’ll never get to sing with the radio, joke with my friends. I lost all of that in less than thirty seconds.
I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

That was another favorite song of mine by Avril Lavigne. It’s beautiful. Being dead gives it so much more meaning now. Watching everyone else walking around, talking to their friends, just like it’s another day. But I’m gone. Nothing can bring me back after this. Before I died, I was learning a song called “I Ain’t Down Yet”. That was the way I would think when something bad happened. But, I can’t pick myself off of the ground and go on. Death is forever.
I think back on my life. My friends who guided me through good and bad, teaching me to be myself, always there to support me when I fell. I never got a chance to say goodbye. My parents, my brother, my family… What are they going to say when they get that phone call or the police show up at their door to tell them I died? And my teachers, the ones who were helping me achieve my dreams. I wanted to teach, help students like they helped me.

Mrs. Morton. She taught me to laugh and find the best in every situation. Mr. Loomis taught me to think for myself and not be a “philistine”. Dr. Marshall, who everyone called the most difficult English teacher in school, taught me that it’s okay to ask for help. Mr. Tuck showed me that the classical world I loved was all around me, wherever I looked.

I’m lucky to be here today. Yesterday, I walked around school dead, unable to speak or make jokes with my friends. I wasn’t able to sing, which drove me nuts. All I could do was observe what went on around me. Listen to conversations but not participate. They pulled me out of class when I was dancing to Gangnam Style by Psy, an epic Korean rapper, and singing along. Then the door opened and the police officer walked inside. “Jennifer Soules.” I stopped dancing and went to the door. The Grimm Reaper took me by the shoulder and led me outside. “Is Jen dead?” I heard from a friend of mine standing by his locker as I walked past.

How did I die? I was killed by a drunk driver. The music to Gangnam Style went on without me. It was like I was a cello in an orchestra, contributing to the sound. A string breaks in a second, and the sound is thrown off. Being dead, the world seemed different somehow. Things went on without me, but it was like there was a strange silence. Others walked around dead, a reminder of what can happen when people drive drunk. All of our dreams were shattered. We could never do what we had hoped to do. The music went on but the harmony was gone.

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