A Simple Smile Can Hide So Much

It was a normal summer day, June 26th 2011. I was at Vanessa’s house with our friend Kathy and we were doing our nails. Just then I got a call from my mom. “Did you see on Facebook?” “Did I see what?” I asked confused. “Someone has a status saying ‘R.I.P Eric Marx.” Now, Eric was one of my best friends. He wrestled for a company I’ve gone to for almost six years, called PCW, and that’s how I met him. He was such a funny guy and always knew how to cheer me up no matter what he did. He always walked around with a smile on his face. I always thought he was cute,although he was a couple years older than me, I never actually wanted anything to happen from this little crush. Anyway, Eric and I began talking when my friend, and also a wrestler, December, told him I thought he was cute. Embarrassed, I would always try to avoid bringing him up in conversation. Until one day when he came up to me and started talking.

“Hey Jessica! So I heard something about you.” He said, with a giant smile on his face. And I could feel my face turning red.
“Oh really, Eric? What was that?” I asked trying not to seem embarrassed.

“That you thought I was cute! December told me! That’s too sweet!” I laughed a little bit then said,
“Ha ha ha, oh yeah I mean I guess I said that maybe once or twice to her!”

After that we started talking all the time. Like I said he was a couple years older than me so I knew nothing would happen, but it was nice to have someone who didn’t know everyone I did that I can talk to without him judging or taking sides. If I was having trouble with a break up I’d message him and he knew exactly what to say to help me out. He did always have the greatest advice. I continued going to shows where he’d always come up to me and tell everyone I was his girlfriend and always joke around. Then, one day I was at the show and he wasn’t. I asked December why he wasn’t there and she told me he hurt his back so he couldn’t wrestle. He was out for a couple of months until the big show called Dream Night was happening at the Oak Lawn Pavilion. “Hey I miss you! You better be there Saturday!” I told Eric. “Of course, I need to be there so I can see you!”

And with that, Saturday finally came. We shared a million hugs when we saw each other, and smiled every time we walked by each other. A couple weeks after Dream Night was over, that’s when I got the phone call from my mom. I was so confused that I called my friend December, because I knew she would tell me what happen. Right when she answered she was crying. I kept asking what happened but all she would tell me was that she was sorry she didn’t tell me when we were texting a couple of hours before that. She told me he was in a better place and he wants me to stay strong and be happy. I couldn’t say anything back. All I did was fall to the ground, balling my eyes out. I then received a bunch of calls and texts from other wrestlers and friends that knew Eric asking if I was okay. My mom called me again and she told me that a friend of his told her that he committed suicide the night before. I was so confused. He was perfectly happy and fine the day I saw him a couple of weeks before. I didn’t know what to do. We had a memorial for him at PCW and I couldn’t even stand by the ring, I got up balling my eyes out. Everyone of the wrestlers that he was parnters with before had spoken only good words about him. And of course, I couldn’t handle hearing “he WAS a good guy” or “he USED to always have a smile on his face.” I still couldn’t believe he was gone. To this day I still cry over him not being here. When a month or so passed by, and I was dating my ex Joe, I turned to partying every weekend to get through the pain of Eric not being here. After a while I started to think to myself, that if Eric was here, he would have murdered me by now for the choices I was making. I finally quit partying every weekend, because I knew he would want me to. I know he is watching everything I do, and making sure I make smart choices. Every once in a while I go on his Facebook and just wish I was able to message him, just so I can tell him about everything that has happen since he’s been gone. I sometimes forget he’s not here, like when Joe and I broke up, all I wanted to do was message Eric and tell him to make me smile. But that night I had a dream about him. And in that dream he told me everything was going to be alright and I just need to keep smiling. I still have dreams every now and again that he just happens to pop into. I think of it as him trying to stay in touch with me, whenever he thinks I need him there. And that’s why I believe that no matter how happy someone looks on the outside, they might not always be that happy on the inside. Eric’s death has changed my whole outlook on life and truly being happy.





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