I Will Always See His Eyes

October 4, 2012
When I look back on that day five years ago, I regret the decision that I made, choosing my life over his. He had so many more ambitions, dreams, and hopes than I had. Now, they are lost. Another person may pick them up and fill his spot in the world. The world may forget what happened to him, but I never will.

I am a girl who is haunted by the past and scared of the future. I don't know what the future holds for me, if I ever will become someone that people will remember for who they are and what they have to offer. Some people like to think that the past doesn't affect the future, but it does. The past determines who you are. It shapes your life and creeps up on you when you let your guard down. I know. I know because the past has left me hollow. It has affected all of my decisions. The past has made me a different person.

I could have saved him. After the crash, I couldn't focus. The world was a blur. The vehicle was pressing down on us. I couldn't breathe, and the air was suffocating me. The fumes from the fire were making my brain fuzzy. I ached, but I couldn't move. I wanted to breathe, but the fumes were threatening me. I wasn't going to give up. I only had an ounce of strength left, but that was all I needed. Then, I remembered that I wasn't alone. My brother was with me. He was only ten and he was losing strength faster than me. But if I helped him, he would be able to get out. I didn't have enough strength to pull both of us out. The police and ambulance weren't here yet. If I waited any longer, we would both be dead. I acted on the spur of the moment. I crawled out of the crushed car. I looked back and saw my brother. He was losing strength every second. The pain was getting worse. The fire was swallowing him. Then, I looked away. I had already made my decision. I couldn't go back now. No matter how much I wanted to. All I could do was look at him, fighting to survive, desperately trying to gain strength. Then, with his last bit of strength, he turned to look at me. He had a look in his eyes that said I'll be okay, I've lived my life. In just a few seconds he went from ten years old to and old man. Then, the light left him and his eyes stared at me, frozen. I looked away, but I still saw his eyes. I will always see his eyes.

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